Undergraduate / Interests and focus - Essay prompt for Purdue [5]

Thanks a lot for your feedback! It's extremely encouraging :D Glad to know I finally wrote a decent essay haha.
As for the beginning, I figured starting with an anecdote would be good. It wasn't really a competition but was more of an exhibition where students showed off their talents. Out of about 250 submissions, ours was one of 7(or so) to be selected. I shortened it to remove the parts about loss and it is now at 650.

My physics professor entered the classroom with a spark in his eyes. He informed us, with excitement, of the upcoming science exhibition - the opportunity to build anything you wanted. Given a timeframe of two weeks, my friends and I decided to build a fully functional wind-turbine. Implementing theory into practice by building a dynamo; this was most definitely the highlight of working on the turbine. Our project, along with a few others, was chosen to be displayed at the entrance of the exhibition.

Thanks again. You really are amazing :D

Undergraduate / Interests and focus - Essay prompt for Purdue [5]

Hey Louisa,
I'm really sorry for the late reply. I ended up falling sick. I made a few changes but I'm over the word limit by 27 words. So I couldn't really expand the EDT part. Any thoughts or grammatical errors? Could you tighten it (at parts where you feel it needs to be done)?

My physics professor entered the classroom with a spark in his eyes. He informed us, with excitement, of the upcoming science exhibition - the opportunity to build anything you wanted and the chance to be the display of the year. Given a timeframe of two weeks, my friends and I decided to build a fully functional wind-turbine. Implementing theory into practical use by building a dynamo; this was most definitely the highlight of working on the turbine. Our project, along with a few others, was chosen to be displayed at the entrance of the exhibition. Although we failed to achieve the display of the year, our turbine was successful.

Science is rewarding when tackled with determination and unyielding passion. The subject has always captivated me, pushing me forward to new extents in order to search and learn the why's behind a phenomenon or understand the nuances of various topics. Growing up, I've always been intrigued by science, namely, the ability to draw conclusions from observations and thereby completely change lifestyles. My love for science often catapulted me to the top of my class and helped frame me with a reputation of asking random science questions just for the sake of understanding.

About two years ago, I came to know what computer science essentially was - a logical and analytical challenge to a human's thought process. Upon further insight into the subject, my field of interest got narrower; I started focusing on a single subject of STEM - Computer Science. Over the course of time, I strived to learn about programming and where it may possibly lead me. Writing a long program and compiling it without errors, producing the pseudocode to a challenging question or finding that one bug which took me hours, these moments were most likely the greatest. Each new challenge enthralled me, pushed me and eventually taught me. To me, learning computer science felt nothing short of perfect and so I often found myself at the top of my class. These accomplishments instilled a feeling of direction and served the purpose of nurturing my passion for the subject.

Personally, my greatest development in the field of computer science, one that I cherish and enjoy, was when I was offered an opportunity to work in a student organization named Engineer Design Team. I faced a challenge of programming a hexacopter to be autonomous for The International Aerial Robotics Competition. Path planning and mapping are the two main aspects that I focus on programming; primarily using ROS for programming and Gazebo for simulation. Working with a team of diverse engineer majors created a table of varied ideas and coursework, thereby providing me with an unparalleled learning atmosphere. Apart from that, competing in robotics sharpened my communication skills, honed my team management skills, and has thrown me into an ocean of new ideas and methodologies.

I plan to further narrow my passion of computer science into Machine Learning - the science behind creating something that could make far better decisions and predictions than man ever could. The knowledge that computers can be made to create something that can think independently is possibly the one single thing that has fascinated me to no end. My goal is to push the very limits of science, expand it and introduce something new to the world. The only way I'd like to achieve this is by pouring my passion and devotion into ML. I aim to merge machine learning with quantum computing in order to fabricate supercomputers of unparalleled power, thereby pushing the limits of science. This technology could be integrated into NASA programs for autonomous space travel. Practical applications such as creating industrial mechanisms that can run with substantially improved decision making and more precise automated movements can also become a reality.

I stand, facing my limits and challenges, facing the boundaries of science and looking into what awaits me. I stand, knowing my purpose is to be a driving force in science. With access to the right resources, I will dedicate myself to my passion and emerge as a successful computer scientist.

Thank You!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : BAR CHART ABOUT VEHICLE HYBRID-TECH SALES IN JAPAN, US, AND OTHER COUNTRIES [3]

... of hybrid transports during a 4-year period, from ...
... among the considered countries. In other words, more consumption of these hybrid cars was greater towards the end of 2009.(Try not to replace definite numbers)

To begin with, Japanese buyers inclined sharply ...

On the other hand, the quantity of consumers in United States, who were engaged on purchasing types of transport that are capable to work technologically in hybrid(they arent looking at your literary skill, they focus on your ability to derive information) , fluctuated along in the chart's period.

You could probably mention that only USA faced a decrease in consumption of hybrids.

Scholarship / Couching, volunteering, not to fear any failure. APIASF Scholarship - short term and long term goals [4]

One goal I have is to be placed at the State basketball tournament ...
... elevate team confidence and trust. Coached into me are strong ethics and values like leadership, sportsmanship and most of all, being a team player. family remains.

... communication during stress. In the future, I see myself coaching a summer league - one which is available for underprivileged kids. This summer, I plan ...

... stretching the initial limits of my brain. I will strive to face and overcome failure, ask questions, and genuinely grasp topics. My mother, an immigrant ...

In addition, numerous family members of mine are struggling with melanoma, living solely because of dermatology. My aim is to graduate with ...

I don't exactly see where you're going with the essay and neither have you provided the prompt. The subject randomly jumps between basketball and your education with little in common. If the prompt is asking for something like your interests, goals or accomplishment then this will do.

Undergraduate / Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech. [12]

Hey, I made some changes as you said. I do prefer the old "Leading a group to victory is fulfilling, not solely because of said victory but rather because of your leading command." . I made a few changes to it but otherwise it more or less remains the same. I chose to do so because of the word limit and also because the other one basically provides an abstract of the paragraph.

Here's what I came out with:

What's more satisfying than building something that can "think" and perform tasks on its own? To me, the ability to create something, almost like breathing purpose into an otherwise lifeless object, is one of the most satisfying achievements. That is what I've been doing over the past year, programming an autonomous hexacopter for The International Aerial Robotics Competition. Working with a team of diverse engineer majors created a table of diverse ideas and coursework, thereby providing me with an unparalleled learning atmosphere. Competing in robotics sharpened my communication skills, honed my team management skills, and opened my mind to new methods of solving problems. This project has been the highlight of my progression into the field of computer science.

Working with student organizations, EDT and SHPE, to inspire students in underprivileged communities to take up engineering and robotics is something that I've proudly taken part in. Showing them feats of engineering, wonders of robotics and world changing innovations as the root of hard work are a few ways I've used to motivate future engineer majors.

Leading a group to victory is fulfilling, not solely because of attaining victory but rather because of the successful leading command. Taking charge to lead a group of students at NASA's robotics camp was challenging; I had to be a team player, a listener and a problem solver. My strength was in knowing the strengths of each of my members and knowing how to work as a team. I succeeded in two things: dividing tasks based on strengths and making sure everyone, including me, met the requirements, thereby pushing the team to victory.

Today, I code to win a competition. Someday, I hope to code to solve significant. The past three years have been an embodiment of self-improvement. On joining GT I'd uphold the motto and strive towards pushing my limits in each of the three characteristics. I'd also choose to continue my work with robotics by joining the RoboJackets.

Character count: 2000

Undergraduate / Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech. [12]

So here's what I've got. Could you help me with the grammatical errors, sentence problems and anything else that you feel requires change?

What's more satisfying than building something that can "think" and perform tasks on its own? (...)
Character count:2142

Undergraduate / Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech. [12]

Hey,
Progress is, out of the three, my greatest feat over the three years, so I focus strongly on that. The biggest step that I've taken in the aspect is not all the coding I've learnt but rather working with a diverse team and being able to communicate and put my ideas forward. Hence, I focused on teamwork. The previous essay prompt asks for my interest in Computer science and I shouldn't repeat my work and interest here as well.

I did change the service paragraph but I need to keep it really short as I'm already over the character limit. Hence I've chosen to refrain from the specifics as it'd take too much space.

I do like a few of your changes and will incorporate into my essay, keeping the limit in mind. A few of your changes do overlap or contradict with my previous essay so I need to remain mindful of such changes.

Overall great input. Thanks a lot !!

Undergraduate / Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech. [12]

Would this do as a replacement for the paragraph?

Through an engineering based student organization I've gotten the opportunity to inspire students in difficult communities to take up engineering and robotics. Showing them the feats of engineering, wonders of robotics and world changing innovations as the root of hard work are a few ways I've used to motivate future engineer majors.

Character count: 2028

Undergraduate / Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech. [12]

What's more satisfying than building something that can "think" and perform tasks on its own?
...

Character count: 2127

I'm going over the count though.

Undergraduate / Leadership, service and progress - The motto of Georgia Tech. [12]

Hey,
The robots that I worked on were purely competitive and don't exactly serve to help the community. The most I've done in terms of service is speak about engineering and robotics and also helping students with robotic competitions.

Undergraduate / Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay [11]

Hey,
I think I'm happy with the content, everything that needs to be said is written in the essay, only, do you think maybe the essay requires the language to be tightened? If yes, could you point them out or help me with them?

On a different note, you've been of amazing help to me. I'm extremely grateful for your guidance and pointers. Thank You! ^_^

Undergraduate / Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay [11]

Sorry, got the wrong one. This is the one:

About two years ago, I came to know what computer science essentially was - a logical and analytical challenge to a human's thought process...

Undergraduate / Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay [11]

The courses I mentioned are elective, meaning it's not a requirement of the CS major. Hence, I figured ...

Undergraduate / Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay [11]

Out of curiosity, isn't it better to add the courses offered in GT, since this shows that I've done my research about the university and also shows that I intent to take it seriously?

P.S. Thanks a lot for your help. You're amazing!!

Undergraduate / Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay [11]

Hey, I kinda added an idea that I hope to achieve (the one in bold). Any feedback? Also, could you point out if there are any grammatical errors?

About two years ago, I came to know what computer science essentially was ...

Thank You!!

Undergraduate / Craving for Computer Science - Georgia Tech Essay [11]

Question: What interests you about your selected program of study? ( Limit: 2000 characters (with space))

About two years ago, I came to know what computer science essentially was - a logical and analytical challenge to a human's thought process, by then I knew this was what I wanted to pursue in my life. I was drawn to the subject like a moth to a flame. Over the course of time, I strived to learn about programming and where it may possibly lead me. I studied C++ and python and worked with different softwares like QT Creator, Gazebo and ROS. Writing a long program and compiling it without errors, producing the pseudocode to a challenging question or finding that one bug which took me hours, these moments were most likely the greatest. They often instilled a feeling of progress and served the purpose of nurturing my passion for the subject.

A few months back, I attended the Reflections | Projections event held by UIUC. During Yisong Yue's presentation, I experienced the same feeling as I did two years back, a feeling of direction. I had finally found my calling; the ability to code something that could make far better decisions and predictions than mankind could ever dream of, one that would get exponentially better with time and data, Machine Learning. Machine learning is highly interdisciplinary; it's applied in domains such as sports analytics, data-driven animation, medicine, self-driving cars and even speech recognition.

Over the past century, computer science has both undergone an exponential growth and produced a revolutionary change in mankind's lifestyle. I'd like to be a driving force in this change. However, I possess only a few drops of this vast ocean of language. I believe that Georgia Tech, being one of the world's greatest research institutions, would be corner stone in me achieving the skill I require to tame the tides that I plan to face. Courses like Introduction to Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning, Natural Language Understanding, Knowledge-based AI, Game AI and Pattern Recognition offered in GT will prove crucial in paving my path to success.

Character count (with space) : 2000

Undergraduate / "My Youtube Community Channel" - University of Michigan Supplement essay #1 [7]

Maybe speak about how you guys gel together as a community. Also "perspectives and personalities different from how we knew them" this doesn't really make sense. I assume you mean portraying them in new light but try to clean that part up a bit.

Otherwise the essay is pretty good, it speaks of a community you built which is amazing.

Undergraduate / Students have a background, talent or passion that they feel they must write about. [4]

"I opened my yes". Think you missed an e there.