Writing Feedback / A rule of the same percentage of male and female learners in a school shouldn't apply - it's harmful [6]

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

(256 words)

Many people think universities should accept equivalent amounts of male and female students in each subject. However, I do not agree with this opinion.

From applying this policy, several related problems can be identified. Unfairness should be first mentioned. Many skilled candidates might not win a place at the universities they desire just because they are out of the list which contains 50% the best students in their gender, although they could gain higher scores or have better abilities than other people of the counterpart. Secondly, this rule might double pressure on students. For instance, one university wants to enroll 2,000 fresh students: 1,000 ones in each gender so a student has to try to be one of top 1,000 instead of becoming one of top 2,000. As a result, most of them will bear a heavier burden of examination.

On the other hand, some particular subjects are suitable for a certain gender. Engineering, programming, mathematics... are more popular among male students whilst females prefer pedagogics, accounting... To evidence, according to a recent published statistic, there were 1012 male applicants and 82 females submitting applications for admission to the Electricity Department of University of Da Nang in 2015 and the number of new students that department wanted to have was 200 people. Therefore, if this university had used the policy, they would have been likely not to have enough students to educate.

In conclusion, I believe that it is not appropriate to let universities accept the same percentage of male and female learners in every subject.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Why do we need music? [5]

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

(251 words)
Music is a magical factor helping us reduce the stress in life. Today, we listen to several kinds of music and I think the traditional music of a nation is more significant than the international one. This argument will be presented in this essay.

From the childhood, almost people fell asleep with songs of mother and music gradually became a part of our lives. When we grew up, we approached music closer and listening to music has been a way to relax. Furthermore, music is the message from artists in order to spread the love to community. For examples, many funds such as UNICEF, ICRC... use several songs like "Imagine" of John Lennon or "Heal the world" of Michael Jackson to show the hardship of poor people and children so that these organizations can appeal charity.

Many genres of music are heard these days but from my point of view, the traditional one is the most important to a country. Because the international music is very easy-listening, it gains the popularity of the audiences. Nevertheless, it is just a commercial product and many people earn money from this commodity. Meanwhile, traditional music is a national identity which makes the listeners discriminate between countries. It expresses the culture and history of a nation. That is the reason why most of countries want to preserve and develop this kind of music.

To conclusion, our lives become meaningful with music and I believe that the traditional music is more important than the international music.