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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Why do we need music?


Hidro13 2 / 4 1  
Dec 24, 2015   #1
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

(251 words)
Music is a magical factor helping us reduce the stress in life. Today, we listen to several kinds of music and I think the traditional music of a nation is more significant than the international one. This argument will be presented in this essay.

From the childhood, almost people fell asleep with songs of mother and music gradually became a part of our lives. When we grew up, we approached music closer and listening to music has been a way to relax. Furthermore, music is the message from artists in order to spread the love to community. For examples, many funds such as UNICEF, ICRC... use several songs like "Imagine" of John Lennon or "Heal the world" of Michael Jackson to show the hardship of poor people and children so that these organizations can appeal charity.

Many genres of music are heard these days but from my point of view, the traditional one is the most important to a country. Because the international music is very easy-listening, it gains the popularity of the audiences. Nevertheless, it is just a commercial product and many people earn money from this commodity. Meanwhile, traditional music is a national identity which makes the listeners discriminate between countries. It expresses the culture and history of a nation. That is the reason why most of countries want to preserve and develop this kind of music.

To conclusion, our lives become meaningful with music and I believe that the traditional music is more important than the international music.

Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Dec 24, 2015   #2
Helo !
First of all , great effort on your essay! But kindly allow me to make some suggestions:

At the beginning , I don't think that you should add the point about music helps to relax. because the next following points you didn't talk much about relaxation.

if you want to talk about the benefit if international music , say something like the culture that can be preserved, the values and thoughts and also you could also state that it is also slow paced and is quite relaxing.

If you want to talk about international music, you could say somthing like cultural exchange, the diversity of taste in music , and also different creativity is shared among the listeners as well as composers.

Neverttheless , you could also give some examples as well as personal accounts !

Thanks for reading
OP Hidro13 2 / 4 1  
Dec 24, 2015   #3
Samuelsam123

Thank you very much. Your suggestions are really helpful.
When I wrote this essay, I was out of ideas. And "I don't think that you should add the point about music helps to relax" is right but I just want to quickly answer the question "Why do we need music", shouldn't I?
Samuelsam123 12 / 46 20  
Dec 29, 2015   #4
Well, you see. Music is not directly important for our survival but instead is more like a technological advancement that served so many useful purposes and had so many positive impacts that we kept it close to us.

As time went on we then got more creative with musical sound and adopted it into our leisure activities because we enjoyed it so much. Music meets different demands now compared to those faced by early humans but if you think about it many of our needs and desires remain similar.

Fundamentally, we still make music because we have not come up with a better way to communicate word-free intentions, emotions, and identity; whether that message is intended for our young, our friends (and enemies), our lovers, or our own hearts and minds.

@Hidro13
vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Jan 23, 2016   #5
You inverted your discussion of the essay. While A premium amount of discussion should have been reserved for the question:
Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? If you notice, there are two questions asked in the prompt that you should concentrate on. That is:

1. The importance of music on general terms
2. The reasons why traditional music is more important than the international music being played in the country.

As such. you should have developed two stand alone paragraphs that relate to these two questions instead of the singular discussion that you have which is not as prompt responsive as you think it is. You concentrated your response on international music rather than focusing on a general discussion of music importance. Then the most important question was relegated to only a few sentences at the end of the essay. That is not how this was supposed to be written.

So, with the improper discussion and wrong formatting of the essay, I don't believe that this essay would have gotten a passing score in an actual test. I suggest that you try to revise the essay based upon my suggestions first.


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