Undergraduate / 'to have our voices heard' - Brown supplement about existing within a community or group [5]

Thank you very much for your comments and feedback, I will continue to work on talking about why model UN made me who I are today, what makes it so special compared to any other group. You are all very helpful, so thank's again :)

Undergraduate / Longevity brings many drawbacks; nevertheless, it still benefits young people -IELTS life expectancy [2]

I fixed some grammatical errors below. You need to revise this essay again COMPLETELY. It's not even near finished, good luck. By the way, i stopped color coding the corrections so keep on reading to see the changes i made.

Recently, improving of health care gives more benefits for humans to live longer and increase their life expectancy. Some people believe that living longer give many benefits rather than it advantages may benefit them more rather than disadvantages. I strongly believe that living longer give many has countless dire effects.

Nonetheless, Many people argue that increasing old people in one country brings can cause some trouble. The main factor is overpopulation;in one country because of longevity of old people. longevity in elderly citizen aids overpopulation. There are some drawbacks of life's duration of old people, longevity in elderly citizens such as social and financial aspects. Firstly, old people elderly people who live longer can become a burden to society, old people who enable to do their daily routine need help of some people in their surrounding. are unable to follow their daily routines often need help of others. In addition, people who live longer must be funded by our government due to because they are not productive anymore to work cannot work anymore. Furthermore, the rate of getting a disease like dementia disesase increases, and that cannot be treated with modern technology.

On the other hand, the longevity can increase the time elderly people spend with their families. Otherwise, young people arewould not be able to know their grandfathers or grandmothers . This can allow elderly people to share a lot of about their experiences in preceding years so that young people can learn from their past generation. For example, when taking decisions, young people must think about the consequences that they can face next. In my opinion, young people interacting with elderly people can increase their self-awareness.

In conclusion, even though longevity brings many drawbacks, the extended life of elderly people still can give contribution for young people. In my opinion,Young people should care about old people to improve their self-awareness in their social life.

Graduate / If you want to cure, become a doctor : MPH application essay. [14]

Expand on your final statement and let them know how deep and intense is the passion that drives you to cure world Hunger and disease. Other than that, you sound very knowledgeable in this subject, just add the corrections previously made and you have a great application essay!

Undergraduate / At Colgate we strive to foster an inclusive community; supplement 250 words or less common app essay [7]

Your essay answers the question, yes, but I think you could do better. Instead of talking so much about the specifics of the debate and the situation with the evidence, you can talk more about how being a Berber defined your character which ultimately defined all that you do. Then I suggest you talk more about what you are bringing to the Colgate community. Not only your values, but who you will be at the Colgate community: a leader, a dreamer, a worker. Remind Colgate that they will be getting all of those things with the values you have because, you are not just your values; your values just make YOU better which is why you are a great addition to the Colgate community.

Undergraduate / All my life I have been taught to ask why, to question, to explore - "WHY BROWN?" Supplement essay [5]

Louisa, it is very insightful indeed, thank you! I love the use of the quote, it makes it sound very genuine. I will continue to develop the statement along those lines, thanks again and wish me luck :)

Undergraduate / All my life I have been taught to ask why, to question, to explore - "WHY BROWN?" Supplement essay [5]

Louisa, I cannot thank you enough for your much needed feedback. I tried to integrate my diverse interest in order to justify why the brown curriculum would be so good for me. I don't known, however, if I succeeded in creating the personal connection you were previously talking about. Here is my revision, I hope you let me know if it improved (: THANKS AGAIN!!