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Posts by thereis123 [Suspended]
Joined: Dec 30, 2015
Last Post: Jan 4, 2016
Threads: 4
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thereis123   
Jan 4, 2016
Undergraduate / Meredith- Discuss your strengths [3]

I just need a little feedback on this essay. I was wondering if everything flowed well, anything I should add or anything I should leave out. Feel free to let me know.

StrongPointsŽ, Meredith's unique advising and personal coaching program, will help you identify, develop, and use your strengths to build a plan for success at Meredith and beyond in four areas: academic planning, experiential planning, career planning, and financial literacy. Please reflect on your strengths, as you know them, and describe an experience in which you used your strengths to plan for success during your high school years - in the classroom or beyond. (500 word maximum)

Many people have both strengths and weaknesses that allow them to succeed in life. But I try to focus on my strengths to push my self to be the best person that I can be.

One of my personal strengths is organization. For example, I find it beneficial to be organized because it allows me to think clearly and stay focused. I also find it easier to get my schoolwork and studying done. When I am organized I can finish my work much faster and I feel much more accomplished.

Another personal strength of mine is being open-minded. Last year, while on vacation I was given the opportunity to go zip lining. I was extremely terrified because I was the first person in line. I remember the zip-lining instructor telling me to go and I immediately felt paralyzed. I was scared to go because I am intimidated of heights, but my mom has always told me the best time to do anything is in the present. I ended up going zip lining and I had an incredible experience and a lot of fun. It is truly an experience that I will never forget.

A personal strength that I believe defines me the most is my determination. I am a determined person and am always striving to do my best in anything I do. I try to establish what works for me and how I can improve. For example in 9th grade I took Honors Geometry and there were many days where I struggled and I thought I would not be able to do well in this class.There were many times when I thought about dropping the class and switching to a lower level of Geometry. But I studied harder, recieved the tutoring I needed, and worked with my teacher to do my best. Even though I did not make the best grade in this class it taught me that I can persevere through challenging times and I am able to give it my all in any difficult class.

At times, I may feel a little intimidated about what I am capable of, but I have soon come to realize that my strengths define me as a person and will lead me to a successful future.

(375 words)
thereis123   
Jan 4, 2016
Undergraduate / My Brother and I along the Poolside - How that has Shaped Me [5]

I agree with @vangiespen, there is some slight over-exaggeration in the 1st paragraph that could be toned down just little bit. Otherwise than that, I enjoyed your essay a lot and I appreciate how much you care for your brother.
thereis123   
Jan 1, 2016
Undergraduate / My dream of becoming a corporate lawyer. Columbia - Why this major personal statement? [4]

I just need some suggestions. Let me know if there is anything I should improve on or add.

For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Member Questions section. If you are currently undecided, please write about any field or fields in which you may have an interest at this time. (300 words or less)

The field of economics is most appealing to me at Columbia University. I have recently come to find this field most interesting based on attending a college information session, my dream of becoming a corporate lawyer, and from what I have learned in my Civics and Economics class.

Last month, I attended a college information session. At this event, a department chair from the communications department said "Don't choose a major as if you are looking for a job." This definitely stuck with me because I have always been indecisive about what I wanted my intended major to be. I soon realized that a major does not have to define me for the rest of my life, which is why I decided to become an economics major.

I believe economics is a major that will always be in demand; this area of study will always be important as long as economies exist. Economics can help me understand how a society distributes its resources and how its decision affects society.

I eventually want to become a corporate lawyer. Economics is a major used to gain an understanding of the business world and I think this will provide me with a great basis in order to become a corporate lawyer.

I am currently taking Civics & Economics in school and it has inspired me when choosing my field of study. I enjoy analyzing situations and understanding them fully and majoring in economics will help me with this. I appreciate learning at a fast pace and I want to continuously learn new things.

I want to receive the best education I possibly can. Columbia University's Department of Economics will allow me to do so. To build the basis of my future career out of the degree I earn at Columbia is my ultimate goal.

(300 words)
thereis123   
Jan 1, 2016
Undergraduate / UPenn circumscribes a totality of backgrounds and experiences, ideologies, theories and perspectives [5]

I have always loved to be in a diverse community where I will be exposed to the different kinds of people and their myriad of interests in all spheres of life.

I would rewrite this sentence as I always love being in a diverse community where I am exposed to different kinds of people and their myriad of interests in all spheres of life.

I personally think the 3rd paragraph seems a little out of place. It is unclear if you are referring to the Georgen Entrepreneurship Management Program or something else. I'm confused about which misconceptions you are referring to.

Overall you are a good writer, I would just recommend a little bit of clarity in the 3rd paragraph.
thereis123   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / My background has shaped me to become the person I am today. Common App Essay [2]

I just need a little feedback on both (one) of these essays. Feel free to let me know any changes that I should make. Thanks for reading!

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 word limit)

My background has shaped me to become the person I am today. Moving from Brooklyn, New York to Cary, North Carolina is something that is extremely meaningful to me.

Growing up in Brooklyn, I was surrounded by a culturally diverse environment. Living in the city, you are able to notice so many different people all from different walks of life. Not everyone is rich and struggle is all around. I lived in an 800 square foot one bedroom apartment with my parents and brother for the majority of my time there. The concept of a family of four living in a small apartment never bothered me because I was too young to care. I thought sharing a bedroom with my parents and brother was normal because living in small apartments is so common in Brooklyn. Something I vividly remember while living in that apartment is when my aunt and uncle and their four children came to visit for a weekend. Everyone was on top of each other and it seemed like living in this small apartment would not be good enough.

It is easy to notice a variety of cultures around you while living in Brooklyn. I went to four different elementary schools during my time in Brooklyn because my parents always wanted my brother and I around a diverse group of people. On the third day of second grade my dad took me out of school early, so he could transfer my brother and me to a school that had a variety of students. When my brother and I arrived at our new school it was the end of the day and all of the students were waiting in the cafeteria for their parents to pick them up. My dad said to my brother and I, "This, this is your new school. See how it looks more cultural?" I did agree with what he said because I saw people of all different races around me. I ended up finishing the remainder of second grade at this school. During second grade, my parents, brother, and I ended up moving into a two bedroom apartment. We definitely had more space and were not always on top of each other. By moving into this new apartment, it would take at least an hour and a half for us to get to school. We would take a bus, three different trains, and a five minute walk, all so my brother and I could go to a better school.

Towards the end of 2007 my parents told my brother and I that we were moving to North Carolina. I was excited for the most part because a nine year old does not think much about moving to a new place. I remember my last day at school, all of my friends in my fourth grade class came to hug me and say that they would miss me. After Thanksgiving, we moved into a three bedroom apartment in Cary. Everything was much more slowed down in this town, which I was not used to. I was used to the fast moving pace of Brooklyn, and people being around all the time, so moving to Cary was a huge adjustment. Now that I am seventeen years old, I understand why my parents decided to move to North Carolina; the reason was to have a better life.

I have a background that makes me want strive for something great. Living in New York helped me understand struggle and all the sacrifices my parents made for me. However this culture shock from moving to an urban setting to a suburban setting has allowed me to better understand struggle and the enriching effects of being surrounded by diversity. I am incredibly thankful for my parents and even though moving was a bit of a culture shock, it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

(650 words)
thereis123   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Columbia Supplement - Which activity are you most proud of? [4]

havechange to has you still volunteer at the community school, I'm assuming?
I would also just include a short sentence about a person at the community school who really defined your time there
I think your connection to your parents is a little confusing, I personally do not think it is needed.
Overall it is a good personal statement, just a little more elaboration.
thereis123   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. [4]

Talk a little more about features the school has to offer. I would mention your major, just to give the school a little more insight about what you hope to accomplish at NYU Abu Dhabi. I would also mention the location of the school also, maybe talk about how much you like Abu Dhabi, if you visited there before or maybe you want to continue travelling the world.
thereis123   
Dec 30, 2015
Undergraduate / I am choosing NYU for its various undergraduate programs, study abroad programs, and student life. [2]

I need a little bit of help with my essay. If there are any grammatical errors or other things that should be changed, feel free to let me know.

I am choosing New York University because of its various undergraduate programs, study abroad programs, and student life.

I recently visited NYU and I must say the campus is truly incredible. While taking a tour of the school, I was amazed by the layout of the campus. In the heart of Manhattan's Greenwich Village, NYU is a unique school that functions on the basis of a not-so typical college campus. The sense of community in combination with Washington Square Park defines NYU.

As I was conducting research on this school a few undergraduate programs interested me. With over 230 areas of study, NYU offers a wide variety of options for a major. The economics program stuck out to me the most because it is a major that helps people understand how a society determines the distribution of its resources and how it can affect society. Economics at NYU combines the fields of political economy, industrial economics, international economics and growth and development. It is also a good way to gain an understanding of the business world and I think this will provide me with a great basis of wanting to become a corporate lawyer.

I would also like to travel the world more often in the near future and I believe NYU will be a great place to start because of the abundance of study abroad programs. The study abroad program in Madrid, Spain interested me the most. I am currently taking Spanish at school and I am in my third semester. In the beginning, I was unsure if I was ready to take on a new language, but now I am really glad I got involved in Spanish because now I am on my way to my fourth semester in Spanish. I now find Spanish to be such an interesting language and I find it cool because now when I watch a Spanish-speaking movie or show, I am able to pick up some of the words, instead of sitting there confused. In turn, I hope to attend NYU's study abroad program in Madrid, Spain.

The student life at NYU seems to be extremely diverse. The countless student organizations develops a sense of belonging for every student who attends this school.

I wish to attend NYU to be exposed to new experiences, attend various study abroad programs, participate in interesting undergraduate programs, and meet a variety of new people.

(399 words)
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