AAORA
Jan 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'obsolete ways of thinking and acting' - Progress should be the aim of any great society. [7]
Grammar Check of GRE Issue Essay Topic
Hey,
This is my first time in here and nice to meet you. Obviously, i am not a native English writer nor living in a English speaking environment. I would be very happy if you find any error in my essays. Then i can effectively help others around. :)
word count: 422
Words per Sentence : 23.4
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease 39.7 ( wish it would be 40+)
1-Progress should be the aim of any great society. People too often cling unnecessarily to obsolete ways of thinking and acting because of both a high comfort level and a fear of the unknown.
Progress is a necessity for individuals as well as societies of the world and time is the just measurement for all progresses. If some individuals in societies are prolific enough in either fields such as literature,art,architecture,industry or etc, societies would develop and people feel sanguine about their future. Otherwise, society tend to fall behind the era which means progresses fail to obviate the need of society. What is worse, gradually changed mindset of society moves away from productive thinking because obsolete ways of thinking and acting is in the scene. Therefore individuals in societies need to use their time to develop thinking in positive sciences to get rid of unnecessarily obsolete ways of thinking which preclude progress of a society in aforementioned fields. My arguments for these points are as follows.
First and foremost, consider Europe in middle ages when people was badly fall away from positive sciences and they tend to practice obsolete ways of thinking in order to maintain their comfort or not to fear of unknown. For example, surgeons were often monk or peasant who submit more pain to relieve pain and they did not know even human anatomy. Moreover, talented people were often condemned and prohibited from making further research in any fields to progress society. Literature, art were also suffering and lost their integration with society under the autocracy of ill mindset minorities .
On the contrary, if societies aim to progress continuously, their welfare would increase such a value that people do not need to perform unnecessary obsolete ways of thinking and acting. For instance, Rome was a place where people emigrate from all over the world because of constant progress in society. As a result, Rome welcomed talented individuals in literature, architecture, art and science as well as cultivated citizens. By this way, people lived in justice and comfort even they gave democracy, Latin alphabet,etc as a perdurable gift to today's modern man.
However, opponents may argue that rapid progress of a society may give harm to its people and China might be an example for this situation. People are working under harsh conditions too long to progress and increase welfare of nation, but they are deprived of benefits of progress. This is either not a preferable case or may not have long-term achievements as well as Rome sample.
Understandably, continuous and sustainable progress should be the aim of a society to develop open-minds which refuse obsolete ways of thinking and acting in more better living conditions.
Grammar Check of GRE Issue Essay Topic
Hey,
This is my first time in here and nice to meet you. Obviously, i am not a native English writer nor living in a English speaking environment. I would be very happy if you find any error in my essays. Then i can effectively help others around. :)
word count: 422
Words per Sentence : 23.4
Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease 39.7 ( wish it would be 40+)
1-Progress should be the aim of any great society. People too often cling unnecessarily to obsolete ways of thinking and acting because of both a high comfort level and a fear of the unknown.
Progress is a necessity for individuals as well as societies of the world and time is the just measurement for all progresses. If some individuals in societies are prolific enough in either fields such as literature,art,architecture,industry or etc, societies would develop and people feel sanguine about their future. Otherwise, society tend to fall behind the era which means progresses fail to obviate the need of society. What is worse, gradually changed mindset of society moves away from productive thinking because obsolete ways of thinking and acting is in the scene. Therefore individuals in societies need to use their time to develop thinking in positive sciences to get rid of unnecessarily obsolete ways of thinking which preclude progress of a society in aforementioned fields. My arguments for these points are as follows.
First and foremost, consider Europe in middle ages when people was badly fall away from positive sciences and they tend to practice obsolete ways of thinking in order to maintain their comfort or not to fear of unknown. For example, surgeons were often monk or peasant who submit more pain to relieve pain and they did not know even human anatomy. Moreover, talented people were often condemned and prohibited from making further research in any fields to progress society. Literature, art were also suffering and lost their integration with society under the autocracy of ill mindset minorities .
On the contrary, if societies aim to progress continuously, their welfare would increase such a value that people do not need to perform unnecessary obsolete ways of thinking and acting. For instance, Rome was a place where people emigrate from all over the world because of constant progress in society. As a result, Rome welcomed talented individuals in literature, architecture, art and science as well as cultivated citizens. By this way, people lived in justice and comfort even they gave democracy, Latin alphabet,etc as a perdurable gift to today's modern man.
However, opponents may argue that rapid progress of a society may give harm to its people and China might be an example for this situation. People are working under harsh conditions too long to progress and increase welfare of nation, but they are deprived of benefits of progress. This is either not a preferable case or may not have long-term achievements as well as Rome sample.
Understandably, continuous and sustainable progress should be the aim of a society to develop open-minds which refuse obsolete ways of thinking and acting in more better living conditions.
