Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - The changes in ownership of electrical appliances and time doing housework [2]

Hello guys,

This is my first essay on IELTS Writing Task 1. My last essay was about 5 years ago and I just re-starting my journey to take the IELTS test now. I really need your suggestion and your review, and I hope you want to do so. Thank you :)

percentage of households with electrical appliances

Topic :
The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The changes in ownership of electrical appliances as well as the amount of time spent doing housework in one country is illustrates by the charts in the period of 1920 until 2019.

During the period, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner have increased significantly while washing machine was fluctuating. Although the electrical appliances shows a greater growth by the time, the duration doing housework was going down and hit the shortest time in 2019.

In 1920, the ownership of vacuum cleaner and washing machine shows a constant increase simultaneously compared to refrigerator. But the washing machine was fluctuating and slightly decrease in 1980, at the same time the vacuum cleaner constantly rise 10% per decades. The most rapid increment was hold by the refrigerator, which gain 55% ownership just in 20 years (from 1920 to 1940). All the households equip by vacuum cleaner and refrigerator in 2019, whereas the washing machines only get about 75%.

The electrical appliances impact housework activity (such as washing clothes, preparing meals, and cleaning) become less longer almost in a century. It speed up the time about 30 hours from 1920 to get 20 hours per week in 1960. And finally in 2019, it only took around 10 hours per week to do the housework.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1: Fish and meat consumption in European country. [2]

Hello guys,
This is my second essay on IELTS writing task 1. I made it in 15 minutes and it is faster than the previous one. I really need your suggestion and your review and I hope you want to do so.

Thank you :)
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The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

my essay :
The chart illustrates the weekly need of fish and several kinds of meat among Europeans during a particular period of time over ranging 1979 to 2004.
It can be seen from the chart that the consumption of fish remain stable over a period. In other situation, the needs of chicken, beef, and lamb had experienced dramatically.

People in Europe countries mostly consumed beef approximately 220 grams per week, followed by lamb, chicken, and fish at around 150 grams, 140 grams, and 60 grams per week respectively. The proportion of beef and lamb consumers gradually declined by reaching just exactly 200 grams (beef) and 100 grams (lamb) in 1989. Whereas the chicken, at the same year, shows an upward trend about 200 grams per week. Different condition had experienced by fish which slightly decreased just below 50 grams per week in 1989.

By 2004, people who consuming chicken were significantly increased around 250 grams per week, while in terms of beef and lamb rapidly decrease by 100 grams and 70 grams per week. On the contrary, the consumption of fish remain constant just under 50 grams per week in 2004.

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Writing Feedback / Number of people aged 65 and more amids USA, Sweden, and Japan for over a century. [3]

Hello everyone, here is my first essay for practice in IELTS Writing Task 1. I made it for 25 minutes, and I really need your suggestion to make it perfect :)

Proportion of population aged 65 and over - IELTS Writing Task 1 Practice

The line graph compares the percentage of the people age 65 and more among USA, Sweden, and Japan for over a century.
The most noticeable trend is that Japan shoot up throughout the period after gradually rebound in some decades., whereas USA and Sweden rise steadily until 1980. Although the three countries had experienced the drop in several decades, but in general they shows the significant increasing by 2040.

In 1940, around 9 percent of Americans are an elderly people while 7 percent and 5 percent of Swedish and Japanese respectively. USA and Sweden were started to grow the people by more than 5 percent until 1980. On the contrary, Japan had fallen its population slightly in 1940 and stayed at the same level of 3 percent by 1990.

An Elderly population in three countries will predict to increase by 2040. USA and Sweden expect to grow at the same proportion to 23 percent and 25 percent, on the other hand, Japan is predict to increase significantly in the higher percentage.

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