Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

WT 1: (Pie Charts): Enrollment in different fields of study at a particular universities in 2021

giangngoc 1 / -  
Jun 14, 2022   #1

The pie charts below show enrollment in different fields of study at a particular university in 2021.

The charts illustrate the percentage of males and females who applied for some majors of study at Clydesdale University in 2021.
Overall, it is clear that both males and females enrolled in Engineering and Education, while Social Sciences and Humanities has an opposite trend.
The proportion of applications which were sorted the most by males was Engineering, at 45%; while females only accounted for a fifth of the total fields. In terms of education, the figures for females were the highest and occupied 15% more than males.

For the rest, females who registered in the field of Humanities were third as much as males, at 30% and 10% respectively. And Social sciences only 15% of women's registrations; while it made up a fourth of total men's enrollment.

  • Pie chart
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,899 4570  
Jun 14, 2022   #2
While partial scores will be awarded for this essay overall, it will not be possible for it to meetpassing score requirements. There will be percentage points deducted due to the short count of 128 words. It did not meet the non-deductible minimum word count of 150 words.

The summary overview needs to identify the type of charts provided and what the individual focus of each is. Note that the original explanation contained specific identifier clues that the writer should have used in the summary overview.

Provide a clear 4 paragraph analysis and comparison report next time. The current presentation does not show that the writer took pains to meet the task 1 scoring requirements. Make sure the paragraph formatting is clear. I cannot tell if this is a 3 or 4 paragraph piece.

2 images = 4 paragraphs
1 image = 3 paragraphs
ridzkiekky 3 / 5  
Jun 22, 2022   #3
The word count is less than 150, and I think your essay should at least 150 to 180 words.

You may structure your essay by :
1. Explain the most interested major compared to the least one.
2. The composition among men and women

Try to elaborate and make sure that your sentences are linked or connected to the previous sentence.

Overall you're doing good and you can be better. Best of luck!
beckaa 3 / 7  
Jun 23, 2022   #4
1. The year is in the past so you need to put the grammar all in past tense ex. Overall, it is clear that --> Overall, it was clear that

2. The 2nd paragraph is too short to meet the requirement, you will need at least 3 sentences to make it good enough
3. The structures are too messy and quite hard to see, as 2 images/charts need to have 4 - 5 paragraphs
4. Your word count is less than 150 words --> low scoring

Home / Writing Feedback / WT 1: (Pie Charts): Enrollment in different fields of study at a particular universities in 2021