Writing Feedback / Healthcare, lack of money, school for kids - the percentage of problems facing by immigrants; IELTS1 [6]

all the groups face similar challenges to a different degree. In the category for youth, most people face the problem of sorting out their finances. This is followed by the those sorting out healthcare issues. The least number of people in this has trouble finding schools for their children. The middle aged groups comprises of people who are trying to start families and face most of the challenges. The largest proportion of the middle aged group faces challenges sorting out healthcare issues probably because they have young children who need constant healthcare. They also need finances to support their families and therefore face challenges sorting out their finances. 19% of the group experiences trouble finding schools for their children. In the older age group, only 2% of the population faces trouble finding schools for their children because in most cases their children are already grown up and independent. They have the least percentage of the population sorting out finance issues. The largest portion of the group, 36% has trouble sorting out their healthcare issues. Overall the group with most challenges is the middle aged group.

Scholarship / 'research on motion sensors and wireless communications' - Why Computer Science? Scholarship [3]

You have put up a strong case for your admission citing a challenging background as one great hindrance to your success. Against all odds, you have managed to get good grades and you wish to pursue your childhood dream. In your defense, it would be more appropriate to highlight some of your major achievements so far especially in the field of computer technology. Such achievements should highlight your willingness to serve other people given that you intend to venture into research that will make life easier for everyone. You have also made a lot of references to yourself which reflects an egocentric image of you otherwise it is a great essay. You also need to polish the final draft to eliminate the minor grammar and sentence structure issues.

Undergraduate / 'You are a female, do not bother going to college' SOP essay for transfering to UT [7]

Coming from a background where you did not have many people to look up must have been a challenge. It is also worth noting that you are willing to use your enlightenment to help improve the quality of life for other people. Such ideals in life have shaped the modern world. It takes people with a vision to see beyond their challenges as individuals and come up with solutions that benefit the whole community. Your connections can help free the girls enslaved in Spain. Such efforts will also be good in your motherland where as you say women are confined to a situation where they lack the impetus to dream big. Your passion for an advertising course will put you in a position to appeal to large audience and help shape the thoughts of people around the world.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: the argument of spending money in art, education or health [5]

Expenditures in arts and in the improvement of education and health facilities are important for any economy. Art is one of the disciplines taught in schools around the world. On the other hand, schools need facilities to train people who create arts. Arts are an important way of preserving a society's culture. Schools are important as well because they help a society increase its stock of skilled labor which is necessary for development. Finally, health facilities are needed to maintain a healthy working population. It is, therefore, clear that expenditures in art and expenditures in schools and hospital are all important for any country. However, it is important to strike a balance between the most important sector.

Depending on a country's needs more resources can be channelled to the either hospitals and schools or to arts. A country with a lesser number of skilled labor can invest more in schools to which will lead to a larger number of skilled workers including health workers. Such a country would also need to invest in hospitals to improve the health of the population. In a country that has achieved complete literacy and has adequate hospital and education can invest more in arts to nature talents in creative arts, promote its cultural identity and patriotism.

A country will spend more on arts or in education and health depending on its unique needs. However, priority should be given to education and health sectors where development in education and health is not adequate.