Posts by abbukanithi

abbukanithi

Apr 29, 2016

Essays / Motivation to get a travel grant to Frankfurt School Of Finance. [8]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your answers.I have written a essay based on your suggestions.

Below is the essay:

When I was in my high school, I always wondered how the price of the shares fluctuated and how people made millions investing in the stock market. I was always curious about learning the fundamentals of the financial markets.Also, I used to get questions like "How the large companies are managed by a single person effectively?", slowly I got to know the answers with the help of my father.I had an interest in entrepreneurship and leading a team was one of my favourites.

As days passed I joined the engineering college where I made a passion in Finance and did a small internship in the summer holidays of the first year where I learned the professionalism in the corporate sectors and along with that, I got a brief view on the accounting, financial instruments companies use etc.I joined the Finance club in my college where we learned from each other in weekly sessions. Along with that, I started a startup with five people named "Vedic", got incubated by my college's incubation cell, expanded to 22 people and working on it.I learned about team management, risk taking ability, building relationships which were essential in the companies.

With the interests, one of my aspiration is to join a foreign Business school where I would develop my knowledge and skills in the areas.If I win this opportunity I would get a chance to meet a lot of people who have experienced this kind of situations in their life.

Please help me
1)Professionalise the essay
2)Add some good content in the ending of the last paragraph
3)if possible help me add some creative things in between

Thanking you

abbukanithi

Apr 21, 2016

Essays / Motivation to get a travel grant to Frankfurt School Of Finance. [8]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for ur suggestions.
The points which I figured out writing on a paper are:
1. I am an entrepreuner having a small starup working with 32 people and I am a undergraduate.
2.One of my targets in the future is to get into the top B-school.
3.I have good leadership qualities through which I am leading my team.
4.I like visiting new places which is my passion.

But Can anyone write the essay creatively based on these ideas in less than 300 words??
I am not able to connect the dots why I should get a travel grant with the above conditions.
Add any new things which you feel would give a crisp to the essay.
Thanks a lot.

abbukanithi

Apr 15, 2016

Essays / Motivation to get a travel grant to Frankfurt School Of Finance. [8]

Please answer the following question. We highly encourage you to spend time coming up with a good response - this is your opportunity to showcase your creativity and innovative thinking! Good luck!

IN 250 WORDS OR LESS, PLEASE MOTIVATE WHY YOU SHOULD BE THE WINNER OF A TRAVEL GRANT TO VISIT FRANKFURT SCHOOL OF FINANCE & MANAGEMENT.

Please help me regarding the idea to write the essay.I am an undergraduate and want to do an MBA after my graduation and interested in startups.But I am not able to get the idea how to write for the motivation for the travel grant.

Thanking u

abbukanithi

Apr 6, 2016

Writing Feedback / The cutting-edge technology has led media to more accessible in individuals' lives. [4]

Hi lily,

It is a pleasure to be working with you. I love this essay and it is perfectly written in a formal way.
But I found some mistakes in your essay.
Please check them once

... connecting and getting information, and having ~~business~~ .( a business or the business )

Secondly, easy access offered by ~~internet~~ leads people to improve knowledge and keep-in-touch by social media.(the internet )

Lastly, advertising on media ~~facilitate~~ people to sell the product.(facitilates )

Media is of precarious influence for ~~a large number of society.~~ (its better if you write for the most part of the society.)

... the important part of media is applied in ~~massive~~ sector of routine. It is imperative that media should be utilized wisely for ~~wide~~ population.(the massive or a massive,a wide or the wide )

So far the essay looks great.The corrections which I have mentioned out are very small but we have to take care of this small mistakes.

I hope I was able to help.

My best regards,

abbukanithi

abbukanithi

Apr 6, 2016

Scholarship / Walk with me in this journey I call life. (Scholarship) [3]

Hi Juan,

The essay is very good and properly written but I found 2 small mistakes in your essay.

1)Come. Follow me. Let me take you ~~onto~~ this journey that I call life. ( on )

2)... man who moved out at the age of 18 in search ~~for~~ his purpose in life, [...] never acquired any debt (search of his purpose in life)

Apart from these mistakes I have some suggestions which you can change:

I didn't think that anything mattered anymore. (instead of mattered you can use meant )
I began to inspire others around me by infecting them with my positivity. ( affecting

The formation of the essay,the content all is excellent.Please before submitting the essay work on Vocabulary.You can use better words in the essay in many places.One suggestion is to use grammarly where you can know what all mistakes you have made.

It was pleasure working with you Juan.

abbukanithi

Apr 4, 2016

Scholarship / Leadership Experience and how it made me a good leader. (Scholarship essay) [4]

Thanks Juan for the suggestions.But I have to complete the essay in less than 300 words.Can you help me regarding the length?Because the no of words are already 350. please help me decrease the number of words to 300.

Thanks

abbukanithi

Apr 3, 2016

Scholarship / Leadership Experience and how it made me a good leader. (Scholarship essay) [4]

Hi everyone.Below is the question and please help me in writing the essay in a formal way.Thanks for the help......

Leadership requires an ability to collaborate with and motivate others. Describe an experience that required you to influence people.
What did this experience teach you about working with others, and how did it make you a better leader?(max 300 words)

This is the experience when I was working on my startup, 'Vedic'. Once, my friends and I shot an award-winning short film but were unsuccessful in publicizing it and showing it to the world. On further research, I realized that this problem is faced by many students across various colleges. On acknowledging that issue, I created a portal to the colleges and my primary aim was to create a platform for the students where they can show to the world what is within them. The team size initially was five, but in 6 months I increased it to 32.

First, when we were working on the website and app, we had very few obstacles regarding motivation, pressure from the incubation cell and business plans. But slowly problems started to pile up on our heads as we had to launch it with a good marketing plan, expand our team and develop the relationship with many people. Also leading the team was of utmost importance.

A few months later I took the stand and started working on the team.
I learned that motivation, leading change, relationship building, calculating risks of taking decisions and inspiring for your team members are the most important things that affect any enterprise. Motivation involves helping employees feel they are in control of their destiny and environment, performing at their best, and doing something meaningful. I learned that I had to be their coach, teaching them and motivating them throughout the journey. As we launched our website I had to talk to different people for collaborations, had to crack deals and on the run, I started networking more which in turn developed my interpersonal skills. I learned to be decisive by assessing risk and run scenarios. I communicated my appreciation for all of their hard work during a challenging time for the company. I used to give the team certain goals, fix up a timeline and always shared the vision with them.