Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Iforsa
Name: Sofi Oktaviani
Joined: Jul 19, 2016
Last Post: Oct 28, 2016
Threads: 35
Posts: 54  
Likes: 5
From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 89 / page 3 of 3
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
Iforsa   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most companies throughout the world assume that money profit is the main goal of businesses [2]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Non-Profit Business?



Some companies throughout the world assume that money profit is the main goal of businesses. They take into account to produce profitable market without any consideration. I personally disagree if money oriented is stationed in the top priority of enterprise purpose. They also should concern about the environment and society harmony.

Most of ventures tend to marginalize severe consequence of business and concern to produce profitably, such as car industry. This industry has increased dramatically over the last ten years. It has high potential profit since many people have a tendency to make automobile as primary demand. According to economic global survey, the author concluded that the annual profit of automobile industry is four times greater than production capital. However, it should not be forgotten that every industry brings significant ramification especially for environmental and social balance. In 2000, environmentalist criticized some car ventures which are expected have high contribution for climate change. They estimate 2,780 CO2 emission was produced by car every year. Generally, they calculate every country has approximately 100 billion cars. It extremely releases a great deal of CO2 emission into the atmosphere.

Society balance also plays an essential role for business industry. The company should take into consideration to the benefits of its product for community. For example, Nike as the biggest shoes company concern about child abuse by donating $ 1.00 for every shoes sold. As a result, it boosts social norms and makes the biggest mobilization conducted by society for protecting children.

To sum up, I disagree if the main goal of business is only about profitable market. They also think over of the other consequences that business brings such as environmental and social balance.
Iforsa   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The main causes of worldwide land depletion and the biggest consequences in different world parts [2]

IELTS Task 1 Reasons Why Land Degradation Happen

The chart reveals the information about the main causes of worldwide land depletion. The table illustrates the percentage of the degradation land consequences in three different regions. It shows the trend in 1990. At seen, over-grazing was the main cause of why agricultural land less productive and Europa was the most affected area.

It can be seen that over-herding had the biggest consequences for the productivity of agricultural at 35%. Virtually 30% of land degradation was caused by deforestation. It was followed by over implantation at 20%.

The most significant fact to emerge the table was these causes exacerbating land agriculture extremely in Europa at 23% while the least in North America at 5 per cent. North America had the smallest percentage of all consequences except over implantation at 3.3 per cent smaller than Europe at 7.7 % but higher than Oceania at 0%. The most severe cause in Oceania was over-grazing at 11.3%. Generally, it was the biggest percentage to degrade agricultural land in three different regions.




Iforsa   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary Lighting Up Indonesia's Future [2]

... Minister of Education which is aim to developing develop our education in Indonesia.
The backgrounds of this program because is unequal distributions of ...
In his standpoint, he argued that he choose chose elementary (...) 66% of elementary schools are were understaffed
... Anis also want them to inspire and become role model a role model.
Iforsa   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Today, the health care system world is threatened by nurse migration [5]

Today, the health care systems world are threatens threatened by nurse migration.
This migration are is caused by vary ...
In some region regions especially (...) Latin America, the primarily primary reason
They send have sent thousands nurse nurses working abroad ...
Iforsa   
Sep 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / Significant ramifications to secure human activity by utilizing closed-circuit television (CCTV) [NEW]

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, though cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?


Sophisticated era brings significant ramifications to secure human activity by utilizing closed-circuit television (CCTV) and mobile phone. Some people, on the other side, argue that some technology such as mobile phone sometimes harms children as it is being used to collect personal information through GPS application. I personally believe that technology such as CCTV plays an essential rule in security although some children are supposed to deal with mobile phone tracking.

A great number of CCTV has been used in 21 century. It is considered as the best method in secure children activity. Some parents have placed the CCTV in necessary place-bedroom, living room, playground, and kitchen- to monitor children. Obviously, CCTV has been stationed in Tomy's room by his parent. Tomy, a ten year old child from London, has been diagnosed as ADHD sufferer in 2010. He had serious problem in sleep disorder. By using CCTV, Tomy's mother and his therapist could watch his sleep behavior. Tomy slept only 3 hours a day, he used the rest time to play with his self. Subsequently, based on a recording from CCTV, the therapist designed appropriate method to cure Tomy.

Surprisingly, many cases of cellphone tracking have been done by hackers to find out personal information. Pokemon Go, a phenomenal mobile phone games harms children since it provides a great deal of personal information including user location by using GPS. Some parents in London complained they felt worry after knowing Pokemon Go have been launched by Nintendo company in 2015. Local Police warned children to inactivate GPS application after playing Pokemon Go to reduce kidnap threat.

To sum up, despite the fact that some children face serious threatening related GPS application in Pokemon Go, it is inevitable that other technology such as CCTV is the best security device to protect children activity.
Iforsa   
Oct 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Celebrities? I believe that the most essential in media is reporting about government in a country. [6]

Nowadays, technology develop for all of aspects, especially media.

... the definition of technology is the study and knowledge of) the practical, especially industrial, use of scientific discoveries while the definition of media isthe internet, newspapers, magazines, television, etc., considered as a group

Celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers become a role model ... Such as group band one direction.i think it is better if you make example for every occupation not only for singers.

However, media should give much information about citizen. Because their development is ...
we can use because in the beginning of a sentence by using( Because S +V, S + V) pattern.

To sum up, reporting lifestyle of celebrities and citizens is more significant, but media ...make conclusion at least two sentences.
Iforsa   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is it important to have a law about uniform standardization for employees? [5]

Nowadays, many factories can be found in the industrial ...this statement does not have any relation to dress smartly .

... staff members must use the dress smartly dress smartly, ...
But I think, companies should be smart to make this rule, because [....] they do not need to wear uniform.
it is concession or supporting statement for you idea? if it is concession, i think you need more statement to support your idea since the case is both views so you need to make your idea balance. but if it is supporting statement for your idea, it's too contrast with your idea.

To sum up, uniform rules is significant to increase ...
To make better essay, you have to create at least 2 sentences in conclusion.
Iforsa   
Oct 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / "THEME: CRIME" The reasons why people tend to do criminal action [3]

The increase of criminal action ... This essay will explain the reasons why people ..to make better essay, give your thesis statement and write your opinion about what the cause of crime and about the solution.

let me analyze your body paragraph 1:
over populated (idea) ---> villagers move to the city (is it your reason?) --> villagers lack of education (or this is the main reason why overpopulated make crimes?) ---> job less (effect). your idea is hard to follow as you describe it too rambling.

For instance, people who live in bad [...] have bad habit in their daily life. --> you give illustration here but it does't have any relation to your idea. you mention before that the cause is education/villagers move to the city but in your example you describe that friends or bad people is the cause of crime .

Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳