complaint letter to landlord about the new hired house

My name is Ducanh who has been hired your house one week before. Before entering the new house, I was very satisfied with the facilities inside, but some of them broke just after 2 days since I moved into the house. Therefore, I am writing a let you know about the state of the house and ask you something what I can do.

As you know, on July 1st 2009, I moved into your house, I think it is a lovely house with bright paint and quite good furniture. But two days later, when I waked up and went to the lavatory brushing teeth and taking a bath. I was very amazed that the room was flooded although I did not leave any rubbish in its tube, so there is one remaining toilet that can be used, it is inconvenient for my kids and my wife because we are all very busy in the morning. Moreover, water source is not too clean as you promised before. The problems not only come from toilet but also from cook and the wall. Chimney of the cook seemed to be stuck; whenever we cook more than two dishes, there is always a lot of smoke in the house. The paint set apart and scattered over the ground.

The problems have happened for nearly one week, and I suppose I cannot stand the current state any more. I hope to receive your response as soon as possible and we can discuss these matters and find appropriate solutions.

You might want to consider breaking up your body paragraph into several smaller ones, each dealing with its own problem. You could then elaborate a bit more on each, while eliminating some unnecessary details. So, building on Simone's grammatically revised version:

"As you know, on July 1st 2009, I moved into your house. Initially, I thought it was a lovely house with bright paint and quite good furniture. But two days later, when I woke up and went to the lavatory to brush my teeth and take a bath, I was very amazed that the room was I woke up to find the bathroom flooded although I did not leave any rubbish in its tube. There is only one remaining toilet that can be used, which is inconvenient for my kids and my wife because we are all very busy in the morning. Moreover, the water source [for the shower? the sink? the kitchen?] is not as clean as you promised.

Additionally, I have been having several problems with the kitchen.the stove and the wall. The chimney of the stove seems to be stuck; whenever we cook more than two dishes, there is always a lot of smoke in the house fills with smoke. Moreover, the paint on the walls has cracked apart and scattered over the floor .

Thank you so much for your comments! hope you have a nice weekend!

You should repair and replenish it before letting people rent it, just my two cent.