I am posting this letter hoping that it gets reviewed by the contributor Holt (Mary Rose). Is there any room for improvement?
CSE masters application
It was during my undergraduate studies when I discovered the world of computational science and its use in solving real-world engineering problems. My hometown Karachi is Pakistan's largest city by size and population, home to more than 15 million people. Due to lack of proper planning and effective management, traffic congestion has become a norm, which in turn has given life to other infrastructure issues. During my research regarding this exacerbating problem, I came across the domain of Urban Complex Planning. I was fascinated by the fact that computational models and simulations can predict and shape a city's dynamics. The discussions with my professors and students awakened my interest in computational sciences. On further research, I found out that in Computational Epidemiology, disease spread could be modelled with ordinary differential equations and we can apply this technique in Pakistan to study the spread of Dengue virus. The concept of modeling a physical phenomenon using mathematics and computer science not only appealed to me but also motivated me to study courses pertinent to CSE in my bachelors.
My keen interest in manufacturing, coupled with excellent performance in Mathematics and Physics inspired me to seek admission in Industrial and Manufacturing Engineering at National University of Sciences and Technology. The comprehensive course structure, accompanied by plenty of computer-related lab work and assignments further stimulated my interest in exploring the role of computational sciences, particularly in engineering. Mathematics has provided me with a good understanding of theoretical, experimental and computational skills required in engineering. Courses like Numerical Methods and Vector Calculus & PDEs effectively developed my problem-solving skills, whereas, using Matlab for solving ODEs further whetted my appetite for numerical computing. Because of my acute desire for CSE, I studied the course Finite Element Analysis that exposed me to the fundamental concepts of modeling and simulation. The time spent in mastering Ansys and Solidworks proved to be very beneficial since it opened many doors for my final year thesis. Although complex in nature, calculation of global stiffness matrix for the entire spring system bolstered my confidence and this fascination led me to scoring the highest grade in my FEA exam. Owing to my overall academic performance in the sixth semester, I won the scholarship award for scoring a GPA of 3.56 and indeed, it validated my affinity for this branch of CSE. I had my first interaction with computer algorithms during my O-level studies, and I really enjoyed using conditional statements in GW Basic. Consequently, I was one of the two students from my school who scored an A grade in Computer Studies. Furthermore, courses like Computer Systems & Programming and Robotics & Automation allowed me to advance my programming skills. Besides learning C and C# at a great deal, I also developed skills in CodeVisionAVR for automation on Arduino, Multisim for circuit design and SolidCAM for CNC milling operations. As part of my automation assignment, I developed a program for filling beverage bottles on CodeVisionAVR and successfully simulated it on 8051 microcontroller. For my final year project titled: "Design and Simulation of Automated Systems for the Blanking process of Frame Body Panel of CG-125 Motorcycles" I performed Finite Element Analysis on all the load bearing parts of the designed model. The purpose of this structural analysis was to determine the Von Mises stresses against yield strengths for every sheet metal part. In this regard, the concept of "Distortion Energy Theory" really came to my aid and as a result, the simulations were in accordance with the required FOS. The reason for focusing my thesis on FEM was to test and enhance my acquired knowledge for this subject. These experiences not only bolstered my knowledgebase but also increased my understanding of the scope of CSE in design, research and development today. After graduation, due to my newfound enthusiasm for coding, I developed skills in Python for MS Excel automation, SQL and Front-end Foundations for web-development. I believe that these, combined with the mathematics and mechanics courses that I have taken, form a sound foundation for my graduate study in CSE.
My decision to enroll in CSE at TU Braunschweig is greatly influenced by my sheer fascination for this field, the multidisciplinary course content offered and the research facilities around the campus. This programme amalgamates knowledge from a wide variety of disciplines and that is what I look forward to gain. Of the wonderful courses offered, I am highly motivated for 'Introduction to PDEs', 'Solid Mechanics' and 'Introduction to 'Material modeling'. These courses will certainly deepen my knowledge of FEM and its wide-ranging applications. The fact that CSE students can opt for whichever field they are interested in, has appealed to me and it is what makes CSE unique. As a potential researcher, I found it very stimulating that TU Braunschweig has a plethora of institutes and research centers under its belt. The institutes of Engineering Design, Scientific Computing, Applied Mechanics and Structural Analysis have particularly garnered my interest. The research being carried out in these institutes matches with interests and future goals. The city of Braunschweig is home to world-renowned institutes and corporations like NFF and VW. I believe its international community and scientific research facilities make it an ideal place for me to hone my interpersonal and technical skills. Since CSE is a bilingual programme, I have developed the necessary German language skills according to level B1 of CEFR. This will enable me to experience the multicultural environment in totality and improved understanding of concepts in studies as well as in research.
CSE offers the technical flexibility to personalize my profile according to my research interests and ambitions. I am confident that my knowledge, practical experience and motivation qualifies my decision to study this programme. Being a student of CSE at TU Braunschweig will not only empower my career development as a computational scientist, but it will also provide the framework for me to unleash my full potential.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Haseeb, you have written a statement of purpose, not a motivational letter. The motivational letter serves to show the development of your interest in the masters course that you have decided to enroll in. As it is, I do not see a real career related motivation for your application. There is a lack of current professional insight within your workplace situation that could justify your interest in this particular masters course. This instead, is an academic biography on your part. It merely summarizes your academic highlights and experiences, which do not necessarily relate to your motivation for higher learning. Hence this is not an essay that can be used as a motivational letter. However, you can use this letter as the basis of your statement of purpose instead. You need to write a new letter that focuses on a particular general problem within your profession that you have seen developing over time and explaining why this should be a major concern in this field. Then indicate why, based on your personal university choice criteria, you decided that this university is the best option for you, given your academic and career goals. This can be completed in a 5 paragraph letter. Remember, you need not delve into details at this point since this is just a cover letter. Just indicate the important aspects of your application that will be further developed in the statement of purpose.
