English career Course -- resume and cover letter

Hi, i am taking my english carrer course, and now time to summit all my final work.. Here i post some of my initial work, could anyone help me check this out?

p/s i think my resume is still quite short, anything i can add in? by the way, i am INACTIVE in other curricular activities.

thanks
Cover letter:

John
103 Ground floor, Jalan Sultan Ismail,
20000, Kuala Terengganu,
Terengganu Darul Iman.

Landart Design Penang Pte Ltd
No. 42, Jalan Chow Thye,
10050 Penang.

Dear ,

APPLICATION FOR TRAINEE POSITION OF MECHANICAL ENGINEER

I wish to apply the above-mentioned position in your company to fulfill practical training requirement by the university. The duration of the training is about 8 weeks starting from the end of April 2010.

2. As I am still in the process of learning, this practical training will be a great opportunity for me to gain knowledge and experiences for myself in the field of mechanical engineering by exposing myself to the real situation that required knowledge and experience which I have to face in the future time. Besides, I am able to maintain a good grade point (GPA) of 3.71, which is first class in the course. Altogether, this makes me an ideal candidate for this internship position.

3. Currently, I am enrolled in the 3rd year of Bachelor in Mechanical Engineering course at main campus of Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, Skudai, and I will be graduating on the May of 2011. This course has enabled me to know more about what a machine system is and how it work etc. Besides, i also successfully undergone some minor project during this 3 years. All this experience which i think is enough for me to prepare myself for this internship in your company.

4. Enclosed please find a current copy of my resume. If you should have any questions regarding how my skills fit in your organization, feel free to give me a call at 018-1234567. I may also be reached by E-mail at John@siswa.utm.my. Thank you for considering me for this position. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

______________________
John

John
103, Ground Floor, Jalan Sultan Ismail,
20000, Kuala Terengganu,
Terengganu DI.
Tel : 018-1234567

PEROSONAL PARTICULARS
NRIC : 345632-23-2343 Gender - male
Age : 22

EDUCATION
2007 - Current UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MALAYSIA, Skudai
Bachelor of Mechanical Engineering (Mechanical)
Graduation Date: May, 2011 G.P.A. 3.71/4.00 (Current)

2006 - 2007 KOLEJ MATRIKULASI PAHANG, Gambang
Physical science stream
Graduation Date: April, 2007 G.P.A. 4.00/4.00

2001 - 2005 SEKOLAH MENENGAH KEBANGSAAN CHUNG HWA WEI SIN, Kuala Terengganu
Science stream, SPM 2005 - 8A, PMR 2003 - 7A

EXPERIENCE
OCT 2003 Computech Sdn. Bhd.
Part Time Computer Technician
Handled customer complaint (Walk-in and telephones)
Handled computer project for organization

OCT 2004 Namin Eletrical CO
Part Time Electrical Appliance Technician
Handled customer complaint (Walk-in and outdoors)
In charge with Audio/Video Appliance services

MAY 2008 Universiti Teknologi Malaysia
Successfully undergo engineering workshop with consists of the following module:
a) Lathing b)Milling
c)Boiler d)Welding
e)CAD/CAM f)Computer Maintenance
g)CNC Milling h)Rapid prototype
i)Composite j)Metrology
k)Instrumentation l)Safety
m)Tooling n)Sample preparation
o)Hydraulic and pneumatic p)Auto transmission
q)Sheet metal forming r)Grinding
s)Drilling t)Engineering professional practice

ACTIVITIES
SEKOLAH MENENGAH KEBANGSAAN CHUNG HWA WEI SIN, Kuala Terengganu
Member of football association, Mathematic club, and Scout
FEB 2001 Participate in membership camp for scouting team
Successfully been honored as 2nd overall pick patrol leader
JUL 2002 Elected as assistant coordinator for mathematic week for school level
Successfully achieved most attendance record in history
MAC 2003 Participate in the sports day football competition
Finish 4th overall in SMR category in the Jogathon competition
JUN 2003 Take part in the JAMBOREE Camp in Thailand
APR 2004 Organized CHWS Futsal Open 2004
MAC 2005 Participate in sports day parade

KOLEJ MATRIKULASI PAHANG, Gambang
Member of badminton club
DEC 2006 Participate in badminton competition
MAC 2007 Participate in football competition in college level

SKILLS AND STRENGTHS
Language Proficiency
Able to listen, speak and read in Chinese, English, Malay

Computer Skills
Microsoft Windows 98, 2K, XP, Vista
Microsoft office 2000, 2003, 2007
Autodesk AUTOCAD 2007, MathCAD MATLAB, FORTRAN

Miscellaneous Skills
Work systematically under pressure with minimal supervision
Communicate with all levels and ranks of people
Able to cooperate and to lead the group
Able to generate new ideas and quickly solve problems

HOBBY / INTERESTS
Computer software programming and hardware
Technology in latest gadgets and products
Electronic and mechanical machines
Surfing the net, playing computer games

Hello, I am actually new to this forum. But I think I found some grammatical mistakes.

The duration of the training is about 8 weeks starting from the end of April 2010.

in the field of mechanical engineering by exposing (who?) myself to the real situation that required knowledge

Besides, I am able to maintain a good grade point (GPA) of 3.71, which is first class in the course.

I dont really understand what do you mean by "first class in the course". Best GPA in class?

Altogether, this makes me one of the ideal candidate for this internship position.

There is no need for "as" and I think "Altogether" fits better.

For your information , I will be graduating on the May of 2011.

my skills fit in your organization

Participation in Badminton and football competition

Able to cooperate and to lead the group

Able to generate new ideas and quickly solve problems.

And you could write something like "Master of critical and positive thinking". Not sure about this one though.

I dont really understand what do you mean by "first class in the course". Best GPA in class?[/quote]
yea, first class mean person who have CGPA of 3.67 above


not sure what you talking about this, any ways thanks for helping :)

Thanks, Azamat, for the work you did here!

Tim, here are some more ideas... a hyphen here and no "as":
I wish to apply the above-mentioned position in your company as to fulfill practical training requirement by the university.

Sometimes people write "so as to [fulfill a requirement]" and I think that would be okay, too.

For your information, I will be graduating on the May of 2011. I don't think it is good to say "for your information," because it is such a cliche and so unnecessary.

It'll be good, Tim, if you develop each paragraph by letting the first sentence state the topic of the pragraph and then using 2 more sentences to explain and give examples, and then use a conclusion sentence to reflect on it all or evaluate it. If you write some paragraphs with only 2 sentences, there is something missing. For example:

Currently, I am enrolled in the 3rd year of Bachelor in Mechanical Engineering course at main campus of Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, Skudai, and I will be graduating on the May of 2011. ---- now write about how this education influences your interest in this job or prepares you for it. Write another sentence or two about what is happening for you right now as a scholar, and how this school can help you. Make each paragraph at least 4 sentences; that is not a real "rule" in composition, but I think it is a good idea.

:-)

Thanks for spending time on my work. Well, I have done some edit to the cover letter as you said. Is there still anything that needs improvement? By the way, i feel that, the resume is quite short, is there any idea to increase the length of the resume?

Well, in response to that kind of challenge, the answer usually is to include things that you can present as having been more significant than they actually were.

For example, under education you can include special trainings provided by jobs, CPR/First Aid, instructor certification for various extracurricular things, etc.

For "other skills" you can include just about anything relevant to the job for which you are applying, even if you are not extremely skillful -- just a little skill and a lot of potential are okay.

"Experience" could be divided into "Professional Experience" and other categories of experience.

Dig deep and find things that would look impressive but that you did not include! Think of each year of your life since high school began.