****I have to write a letter to my english learning center in Korea. I will be applying for a teaching position. Help me on grammar and paragraphs thank yOU!!!!!!!!
Hello, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Hanna Choi, and I am twenty four years old. My families are four member and they are very important to me. I love my family, and I have high respects for my parents. I am very interested in a teaching position at JLS and I am ready to provide good lesson for students with all my knowledge, efforts, and abilities. Even though I was born in Korea, my family immigrated to American when I ...
I would be grateful if you would give due consideration to my application.
Hello, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Hanna Choi, and I am twenty- four years old. There are four people in my family and they are very important to me. I love my family, and I have high respects for my parents. I am very interested in a teaching position at JLS and I am ready to provide good lessons for students with all my knowledge, efforts, and abilities. Even though I was born in Korea, my family immigrated to American when I was 14. I lived in California for 10 years . I thought carefully about my future during my high school years , especially about what I would do in 20s and 30s. When I was young, I always wanted to become an elementary teacher. I studied hard and also got alongwell with classmates in elementary school. When my family went to America for living , my dad could not go with us, so only my mom, my sister, and I lived together. Dad just visited us once a year from Korea. When we first went to America, I really had a hard time understanding and speaking English. Thus , I spent most of my time studying for English so I could catch up in school with American students. After two years of hard work , I was able to communicate well with other students, and I enjoyed going school after that . I also participated in the school music band and choir for three years too . While I was in high school, I tutored middle school students in English, especially the students who came from Korea. I learned a lot while teaching my students. It felt great to be teaching English and learning at the same time. When I was a senior in high school, I could not decide what to major in , so I decided to go to a community college first and later transfer to a University . I went to De Anza College in Cupertino, California and transferred to University of California, San Diego in fall of 2009. I majored in Economics at UCSD. I also graduated early from UCSD because I put an effort to finish all my graduation requirements in one year. Although my major was Economics, I am passionate about teaching English and I can show students how it is great to learn language and other countries' cultures at the same time. I love teaching and getting to know new people too. I am very outgoing and easy to talk to. Because I was in California for about 10 years , I would like to spend rest of my time in Korea with a career in teaching. I am proficient in making Powerpoint presentations as well . In addition, I would like to work for the JLS center because of its high reputation and its ability to offer excellent welfare. If I could work there, I would like to be in an American curriculum where I could teach middle school students. I also want to contribute and learn and grow with your company. I want to gain experience and improve my teaching skills at JLS center.
Here are some suggestions!
P.S.- The two sentences in which you talk about your relationship with your family seem redundant. Perhaps consolidate the two into one?
Cheers-
I thought carefully about my future during my high school years, especially about what ----This is the first sentence of the essay. The sentences that come before it are not necessary or helpful so I think they should be cut. I want to have you start by telling the reader something very interesting, and then DISTINGUISH yourself by sharing your "philosophy of education." Google this: what is the purpose of education?
Form your own opinion about the purpose of education, and share your ideas with the reader. Do not include any sentence that is not helpful for expressing your plan, your ideas.
I bet you can think of ONE sentence that really expresses your main idea. What would that sentence be? Write it, and then cut out all the details that do not help to explain that main idea. That is how to write with intense focus. :-)
