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Finalizing my Uni appeal for Sociology



Guest /  
May 26, 2017   #1
Hi I'm writing an appeal for sociology in university.There is a 250 word limit. I know i have exceeded the word limit but I'm not sure what else to shorten and how else I could improve the essay. Thank you for the help :)

Here's my essay:

The study of sociology is appealing to me because of the diversity of topics they cover and their relevance to our world today. I'm interested in issues like the ageing population, low income families and early childhood development. This led me to tackle on the topic of "Consequences of Elderly Not Taking the Correct Medication on Time" during project work (PW). Through PW I learnt how to synthesise knowledge from various areas of learning while doing research on the topic. This enables me to critically and creatively apply it to real life situations and to generate, develop and evaluate ideas for the project task. I conducted surveys with the elderly and caretakers at residential areas to find out if they would use the products we came up with. This is useful for doing research as I learn how to effectively communicate with people. I shared about the innovative ideas our group came up with to tackle the topic:

1) Alarm Wristband- reminds the elderly to take their medication
2) Speaker Alarm- provides a link between caregivers/family and the elderly
3) Multi-language Medication Instructions- cater to those who don't understand English

This reinforces my interest in sociology as I find the issues it tackles melds strongly with what I am passionate for. Studying Sociology will provide me with a much deeper insight into complex issues like our PW topic and an ability to develop ideas using my own initiative.

Participating in community work during my secondary school and junior college years, have increased my awareness of a diversity of backgrounds and experiences. I would be able to use these experiences and look at sociological issues from not just my own perspective but others as well. I would enjoy becoming more involved with a range of inspirational activities such as these within the university.

Should my application be reconsidered, I will ensure that I meet and exceed the expectations required by the students attending your university. I would be glad to participate in an interview to better present myself and discuss how my talents can be of value.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15344  
May 26, 2017   #2
Madeline, the topic that you chose to present doesn't really the in work Sociology because the project work is more in the field of elderly care and geriatric treatment. It doesn't signify a sociological representation of an issue relating to the elderly. A sociological topic in this research area should relate more to the development of the elderly in a changing world. For example, focusing on how the care of the elderly has evolved from family Care to stranger care would make for a nice sociological comparison. Right now, your appeal doesn't really invest itself in a study relating to Sociology so this essay might not be able to help you get a reconsideration for admission. You should, in my opinion, try to develop a new essay that is more focused on a sociological relationship between two related research topics.
OP Guest /  
May 26, 2017   #3
@Holt thank you for the feedback. Actually I was trying to show how the skills I learnt during project work can come in handy for projects, research and essays. Plus, highlighting my passion for the subject. Maybe I didn't highlight it enough ahaha. But I do understand the point that you are making. Do you think I should still write a sociological representation of issues relating to the elderly?


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