Motivation Letter - motives of my interest / Erasmus Mundus student in Berlin
By this letter I, WASSIM AL ALI, want to explain motives of my interest about the study at Humboldt University in Berlin as Erasmus Mundus student.
I was born in Homs sity in Syria and I obtained the senior high school in the year 2002 with a rating very good.
...
Hello my edits and suggestions are below,
By this letter I, WASSIM AL ALI, want to explain ( the ) motives of my interest about (to) the study at Humboldt University in Berlin as (an) Erasmus Mundus student.
I was born in Homs sity ( city) in Syria and I obtained the( what did you obtain? a diploma?) senior high school in the year 2002 with a rating very good. After that(,) I have studied agricultural engineering at Al Baath University in Homs and I have obtained the certificate of agricultural engineering in 2007 with a rating (of) good. And after Then, I warked (worked)immediately in the field of quality management and exactly in agricultural quality ang (and) food quality up to 2010 and I have obtained many certificates withen (within) this specialty. after that Last, I warked (worked) as (an) HACCP (Hazard Analysis and Critical Cotrol Points) department manager at a consultant company concerned of with qualifying and training of companies willing to obtain the quality certificate. Currently I am studying a master of quality management at Syrian Virtual University and I am in the second semester now and I have finished while finishing the first semester courses with an excellence rank which Inconside r (is considered) that an important achievement for me in spite of the hard circumstances of my country.
(You use the phrase" after that" one to many times I would suggest using the word Afterwards, and only once! Not more than once)
I am wishing to complete my study in Germany because it is considered of (the) Pioneer countries in the field different science in Europe and the world (.) and because It encourages science and the study in Germany (.) It does not cost too much and it is known that Germany is(a) very beautiful country and its people are kind(.) In addition, to that because I love agricultural and food quality management and I want to develop my information and skills about this specialty to benefit it in my future job(.) and It is very important for me to obtain an excellent scientific level in this field and because there are nonany not many universities in my country that has this cpecialty specialty. so I have searched for a university which has this specialty in Germany and I have found (process and quality management in agriculture and horticulture) specialty at Humboldt university in Berlin which is one of the biggest German universities and one of the pioneer universities of food and agricultural quality(.) and This university has a different studies and scinces (sciences) and especially it gives an extensive field of scientific researches selection. so I an am wishing to complete (my) master study at this university to reach the academic level which will help me in my work field and my study. at This university will be a big (will give me an)opportunity for me to get more information about a deep-rooted German culture and the developed scientific level(.) In addition to that, I will obtain an advanced level of German(,) a lovely language and to develop my skills in this language .
( Where are your periods?)
It looks like you have a great wealth of experience and many aspirations! I see that you are making minor mistakes in your application, which can weaken you application. We do not want that to happen. First, make sure you utilize the spell check, and all in all use periods, a sentence can have 5-9 words. Once you complete a thought after those words place a period. The second paragraph is one long run-on. You use many repetitive phrases. Look at your paragraphs, if you are using more than one phrase more than two times take it out, and use alternate words. Your vocabulary is very advanced, you do not want anything small like not checking periods and small grammar mistakes to affect your application.
Good luck on your revisions!
Thank you very much for considering my application and I am waiting the positive response from you.
Sincerely Yours;