Letter to a Math Company

Can you proofread my letter? Thanks!
December 7, 2007

Dear President of the Math Company,

I am pleased to inform you that a company that has 11 mathematicians on its staff and 2 or fewer women is possible. In fact, based on my stimulation, the probability that there are 2 or fewer women in a randomly selected group of 11 mathematicians is 10%. As you can see, there may be companies that fall below the expected 40% of women mathematicians. You must understand that some companies have more or less than 40% women mathematicians. Furthermore, the 40% comes from the average of the proportion of women hired in all the companies in the United States. The proportion of women mathematicians hired in one company is no representation of the whole population. I hope the content of this letter provide the answer you need.

Sincerely,
Anonymous

Greetings!

I'm not sure I'm able to follow the logic of the evidence presented, but the writing seems to be quite good! Here are a couple of editing suggestions for you:

based on my stimulation, - I think you must mean "simulation"?

I hope the content of this letter provides the answer you need.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

I added more to the letter. Can you proofread once more? Thank you so much!

I am pleased to inform you that a company that has 11 mathematicians on its staff and 2 or fewer women is possible. In fact, based on my simulation, the probability that there are 2 or fewer women in a randomly selected group of 11 mathematicians is 10%. As you can see, there may be companies that fall below the expected 40% of women mathematicians. You must understand that some companies have more or less than 40% women mathematicians. As my stimulation shows, 45% companies hired 4 or less women mathematicians, which is less than 40%. Moreover, 55% companies hired 5 or more women mathematicians, which is more than 40%. Furthermore, the 40% comes from the average of the proportion of women hired in all the companies in the United States. The proportion of women mathematicians hired in one company is no representation of the whole population. Certainly, my simulation does not represent the whole population. It only serves as an illustration of a possible outcome. I hope the content of this letter provides the answer you need.

Greetings!

Your letter is very good! Although I don't know the background on which it is based, the logic makes perfect sense to me. Here are a couple of corrections for you:

As my simulation shows, 45% of companies hired 4 or fewer women mathematicians, which is less than 40%.

Normally, you would write out numbers less than 10: "two" or "four"; however, you may feel that since you are talking about mathematics here, that the numbers are more appropriate. I'll leave that up to you.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com