This is my motivation letter for the Embedded Systems program at the University of Saarland, Germany. Please review my letter and give me some feedback.
Letter of Motivation
My decision to study in Germany was greatly influenced by a person who happened to study a standard science degree here in my home country but who went on to pursue his Ph.D. in Semiconductor Physics, that I got to know about while I was in a conversation with one of the faculty member who was a lab in-charge during my Bachelor's study.
Ever since 4th grade I had spent most of my time with computers and electronics. My interest to study, especially electrical and electronics engineering, has been nurtured ever since. During my bachelor's, I spent a decent amount of my leisure time with Arduino and single-board computers like Raspberry Pi. I did small projects like controlling an RC Bluetooth-controlled Car with Arduino using an Android phone, and Text recognition using OpenCV with Tesseract using Raspberry Pi. The thing that made me much curious is the fact that things I make could interact with the real world with the help of software and hardware components. I believe that this one positive experience helped me decide to go on with embedded systems for my master's.
The "no tuition fee" along with a good work-life balance policy convinced me that Germany is the right destination for me. Also, I've had no problems satisfying the admission criteria. As attested by my IELTS score, I am confident that I can communicate well in English. Furthermore, as I'm regularly self-learning German through the TPRS technique, I am confident that by the time I get enrolled I will be able to speak basic German fluently and can mingle with the local people with no problems.
As the University of Saarland is one of the public research universities with contributions to large-scale projects-such as perfecting the software of the A380 Airbus, and since my academic profile is in alignment with the course requirements, I believe your university is the right one for me.
I hope to receive a positive response regarding my admission. Thank you for considering my application.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,552 3449
The motivation letter is not convincing. It does not contain an academic and professional motivation as required by your current employment. The letter itself does not follow the format of a standard motivation letter. I am not sure if you were given specific discussion points for this letter development. Based on what you have written it appears there isn't any. It would be better if you delete this letter in totality and work from scratch. This time focus the motivation letter on:
- Observations of problems within your current profession
- An explanation of where your desire to resolve these problems comes from
- A reference to why you decided to study at this particular university that does not refer to the "free tuition" scheme.
- A description of how your future plans motivate you to complete this course
These are the basic motivational interests that the reviewer often looks for in a motivational letter. He needs to sense your excitement about the course and studying at the university. He needs to understand why you chose to study in Germany based on academic and professional accomplishment of the country in your field of interest. He must feel your excitement at the thought of being able to contribute to this field of work in your home country. Basically, he needs to see and feel your interest to everything connected with the your country and course choice along with your university option. This current version fails to represent any of those interests.
Okay. Thanks for picking the wrong things. I am uncertain as to how I should start my LOM. Was the starting paragraph in the LOM(the one I already posted) okay?
I think that the motivation letter should start with a general sentence and display your "motivation" down the paragraph. You should consider thinking about any particular event that was a deciding factor for you that made you chose your field. I think the second paragraph might be a good start.
Ok. When you said starting with the second paragraph would be a good start, do you mean I have to follow a structure that is in chronological order?