Motivation letter for masters in psychology of global mobility, inclusion and diversity

Hi,
I am writing an essay with the following prompts and would need suggestions in strengthening the essay
Write a motivation letter stating why you think you are a suitable candidate for the masters in psychology of global mobility, inclusion and diversity. Justify your choice of mobility path (inclusion and health) and your justification for applying for the Erasmus Mundus funding.

I am writing to express my earnest desire in pursuing the Masters in Psychology of Global Mobility, Inclusion and Diversity at your institution. My academic foundation in Psychology, practical experience coupled with my dedication to fostering inclusive environments positions me to be a well-suited candidate for this program.

My choice of mobility path - inclusion and health - stems from different experiences I have gained from working with marginalized communities. During my undergraduate studies, I dedicated some time to volunteer at the resource center for people with disabilities in my school. I read lecture notes to some of the students who were visually impaired so they can write them in braille as well as help some move around on campus. It was an eye-opening experience for me as it exposed me to the challenges these people face. This made me develop a deep sense of empathy and also ingnited a drive to partake in creating more inclusive communities and providing mental health support.

Additionally, my year long experience working with people living with HIV/AIDS allowed me to witness first-hand the connection between stigmatisation and health disparities. I actively volunteered in outreaches and durbars organized by the hospital and other organizations where we educated communities on issues related to their health, engaged in mass HIV testing to help people know their status and used such opportunities to address issues on health, stigmatisation, inclusion and it's implications. These experiences made me develop a passion to contribute to the psychological well-being of individuals facing social and health challenges on a global scale.

Hailing from Ghana, a country rich in cultural diversity and unique challenges, I am particularly sensitive to the significance of cultural diversity in addressing psychological well-being. The program's internship, research and renowned faculty would allow me gain comprehensive understanding of issues that are extremely important to society especially with the current profound migration crisis which has resulted in tensions, challenges in integrating cultures, mental health challenges, security concerns and behavioral changes. The Erasmus Mundus funding is crucial for me as it aligns with my goal of creating positive societal impact. As an individual from Ghana where financial limitations can hinder one's pursuit of education, the Erasmus Mundus funding will not only aid my academic pursuit but also enable me to bring a valuable perspective from a region that may be underrepresented in the program. Access to this funding would help me broaden my global perspective, improve my academic skills through exposure to different cultures and contribute to a more inclusive and multicultural environment.

I am confident that the Masters in Psychology of Global Mobility, Inclusion and Diversity will equip me with the necessary skills and knowledge to make a meaningful impact globally. I will be glad to contribute to the cultural richness of the program and to apply what I learn to create positive changes in diverse populations as a health worker.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to the opportunity to participate in and benefit from your dynamic learning community.

I do not feel that you have a very strong professional representation in this motivational letter. You have mostly volunteer experiences and academic required exposure to speak of. Most of the candidates for this program will have extremely strong professional backgrounds, previous internships, and other training experiences which your lack. So you may not get a second look from the reviewers in this case. There is nothing in your presentation that makes you stand out as a candidate. It does not pop. There are not notable and strong experiences that would make one think that you have the academic foundation and professionally developed skills to succeed in this program. Try to strengthen your professional exposure to adjust the content in a manner that would catch the reviewer's attention.