A letter for a penfriend in Australia to tell her about my last journey.

Test 1- This is a letter I received from Mary

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"I've just got back from Australia-it was a 27-hour flight.
Tell me about the longest journey you've ever made. Where did you go? How did you travel? What was the journey like?"

Dear Mary,
I am so thankful that you came home safe and sound. It has been a long time since I received your last poster in Paris two years ago. Therefore, receiving your lovely letter from a very far distance brightened up my day.

As usual, I had nearly two months off in the summer as students had finished the first semester of the school year. Hence, some of my colleagues and I made a journey to Son Dong cave from my hometown, BD. In the beginning, my husband, Vuong, suggested going there by coach but I preferred traveling by motorbikes because moving a far distance on public means of transportation makes me feel nervous. Finally, we all agreed that when moving there by motorbikes we could break our journey somewhere easily. On the way heading towards Son Dong, we stopped by many places to enjoy local specialties and landmarks such as Dragon bridge in Danang, Hue citadel, and Huon River in Hue city. After 3 days of riding and resting, we came to our last destination and hardly believed in our eyes because the cave was so wild, rocky, and enormous. It was hard to go into it without the help of the cave managers who gave each of us a light. After climbing inside the cave, our mouths fell open because there are no words to describe exactly the spectacular scenery above and in front of us. I was quite pleased with the ten-day journey which brought us many sweet memories and travel experiences. I consider it the best journey I've ever made before. I am so proud of what nature mother has given to my country. Should you have free time, come to visit me, and surely, I will take you there.

YOu misunderstood. Mary is not in Australia, she just got back from Australia. She is living in Vietnam again. So she is not living too far from you anymore but she preferred to write to you instead. Saying that the last time you contacted her was 2 years ago doesn't make sense. From the sound of the letter, she seems to be in constant touch with you. So perhaps indicating that you last received a postcard (not a poster) from here 2 weeks ago while she was still in Australia would have been a better time reference.

Your response letter should have been composed of 3 paragraphs. One complete paragraph per question. So the format would have been:

Par. 2: Where did you go?
Par. 3: How did you travel?
Par. 4: What was the journey like?

You should be detailed in your response. A clearer representation of the information, on a friendly tone would have better been accomplished on an individual paragraph basis. Your response paragraph was difficult to follow because it was too compressed in information presentation. It barely responded to the prompt requirements. Were you afraid to develop a longer more formatted response? Don't be afraid to do that. You have to deliver a properly formatted letter every time. It has to be informative and also, highlight your English writing skills. You cannot do that when you present compressed paragraph information. Instead of showing your skills in the long format, the short format will highlight your writing errors instead.

@Holt
Thanks a lot. I'll read your comments carefully to improve my writing pieces.