The program at the University of Winnipeg is suited for my goals.

i made a draft for SOP but i m confused i need to update it can anyone help me to update it

sop for Master's program in Winnipeg University

One day i was in office doing work on given project it was a hospital management system which was web based.my part was updated the database and add two more function. That time i was thinking if i can add more function that can make that system more efficient and helpful for user who will use it. I start to feel i need more control of algorithm database and security privacy.

when i m searching Master's program on online my eye stuck on this program specially the areas of research field which include algorithm and complexity, computational intelligence web and document database security and privacy software engineering and so on. If i get opportunity to research on those fields i can become more expert and can gain more knowledge as in future i want to become successful system analyst.

I strongly believe if i take Masters on this program it will help me to achieve my future goal. Because that issue is focus by this program is essential elements for system analyst. A system analyst must have knowledge of technology and must know what ethical or human aspect of computing is. System analyst plays an important role in the process of system development life cycle tasks which involved project planning, analysis, design, implementation and support process.

The undergraduate program at the Daffodil International University provided me with a strong foundation of Computer science and Engineering and exposed me to various fields of it. As an undergraduate, I found that I deeply enjoyed learning about programming and systems analysis, and with my strong mathematics background I performed very well in courses concerning calculus, statistics, and differential equations. I believe that I have strong dedication and motivation required for successful career in this field.

There is only one logical destination for my postgraduate studies: Canada. Studying overseas in the Canada will thus give me not only a greater range of professional skills but also a much broader, more international perspective.

The program at the University of Winnipeg is suited for my goals. I believe that to be associated with these faculties would give me a great opportunity to pursue my career. I have also been astonished by the facilities available at your university for this field. My undergraduate professor has also backed my decision to pursue my higher education at your renowned university. I am confident that given an opportunity, I will be proved useful and could make significant contribution to my field .so please give me one opportunity that I can prove myself and fulfill my Dream with one of this best university in Canada

Afrin, aim for a more academic presentation of your SOP. The written voice that you are using is too casual and does not really suit the seriousness of the paper that you are developing. Pretend that you are in an formal job interview, how would you conduct yourself when it comes to delivering your responses? Go for that tone of voice in your SOP writing.

Now, about your content, you need to focus on creating a chronological presentation of your information. Right now, you are all over the place without any real method to your presentation. Do your best to present the information in the following manner:

1. State your current occupation and the position you hold. Indicate how long you have been working at this company.
2. Discuss how you came across the problem that you wish to resolve. (You did this in your current opening paragraph develop a more professional presentation. Right now, it sounds like a high school creative writing essay. )

3. What kind of solution do you envision delivering in an effort to streamline office services? (Discuss as an expanded, separate paragraph instead of a part of your current first paragraph.

4. Summarize your college experience in relation to your interest in the masters degree program. Mention any awards and recognition you received provided it somehow relates to your masters degree course. Discuss your thesis and how it relates to your work responsibilities and why this has better prepared you for a masters degree course. If possible, present an overview of what your masters degree thesis might be in relation to either your college thesis or your actual work needs. (You have partially done this. Just expand upon it in the manner that I indicated. Give the summary of your study plan even if it is required in a separate essay. This will just be an overview and will not count as repeated information. )

5. Explain why Canada is the only suitable destination for you. You can't just indicate a fact without offering justifications.
6. Discuss the reasons why you chose the University of Winnipeg. In particular, show a familiarity with the university through the course offerings, training programs, or professors that you hope to intern with during your time there.

Depending upon whether you are being asked to write a separate post study career plan, you may want to explain how this exposure will help you in your professional life? Indicate what your 3-5 year career plan is. If you have to discuss that separately, then skip it.

Close by repeating your excitement at attending the university and that you look forward to sharing your knowledge with your countrymen upon your return to your home country.

Thank you so much for your reply i m trying to make change on your point
@Holt.