I am applying for a Behavior Change master program at X university. Please kindly leave brutally honest feedbacks about my essay so I can make it better.
The essay should contain:
- Description of why I chose the program
- How the program fits my previous education
- Future plan and research
- Why I chose the university
Upon reviewing my essay, I would like to know if you think my future plan is still ambiguous, and if the brief explanation of my previous education is enough.
Thank you in advance :)
To the admission committee of X University,
Dear Sir/Madam
I am writing this letter to declare my intention to apply for the Behavior Change program at X University. The program's focus and unique offerings align closely with my academic background and passion for psychology. I am confident that my educational experiences and strong interest in understanding and influencing human behavior make me a great fit for this program.
The study of human behavior has always fascinated me, especially its potential to bring meaningful change in society. My interest lies in promoting healthy and sustainable behaviors, which, when implemented effectively, can create tangible benefits for individuals and communities. During my bachelor's degree, I found the Behavior Modification course particularly inspiring, as it made me question: If supporting individual change can have such a positive impact on someone's life, what could large-scale change achieve for society? This question sparked my ambition to explore ways to drive sustainable behaviors that could make a real difference on a broader scale. As environmental issues are fundamentally caused by human behavior, I believe it is crucial to explore possible solutions from our behavior as well.
In this program, I seek to explore ways to increase civic participation in minimizing environmental problems, whether through creating incentive programs or addressing psychological, social, or economic barriers that hinder change in certain groups. I also aim to explore strategies for supporting sustainable behavioral change, particularly in corporate settings by taking areas such as energy efficiency, eco-friendly practices, and sustainable product design into consideration while also supporting organizational growth. Through this program, I hope to gain the skills and knowledge needed to develop evidence-based strategies that lead to positive behavioral changes across diverse populations. By mastering these skills and deepening my understanding of behavioral science, I am confident that I will be well-prepared to pursue impactful roles, such as an environmental policymaker or corporate environmental advisor, where I can actively contribute to creating a more sustainable future.
In addition to theoretical knowledge, I believe the coursework and internship opportunities will equip me to strive in professional settings, preparing me to effectively communicate ideas in both academic and non-academic contexts to stakeholders and clients. My bachelor's degree in psychology has also prepared me well. For instance, during my bachelor's degree, I helped an organization tackle their internal challenges by identifying root causes and providing viable solutions-an experience that honed my problem-solving and analytical skills that would help me navigate challenges in a professional setting. The course Behavior Modification also equipped me with the knowledge and practical skills in helping clients with behavior problems. Moreover, my participation in a study-based peer group on Eco Psychology introduced me to inspiring sustainability topics and building eco-conscious habits. These experiences inspired me to bring meaningful and realistic change to larger communities.
During my third year of my bachelor's degree at [Home university], I had the opportunity to study at [X university] for a semester with the prestigious and highly competitive scholarship scheme offered by the Ministry of Education of [my home country]. This semester allowed me to explore multidisciplinary studies and broaden my perspective. One of my courses, Globalizing Worlds, opened my eyes to environmental issues worldwide, specifically in the Global South, which is closely related to me and inspired me to bring changes to this particular issue. This experience not only exposed me to a multicultural academic environment but also familiarized me with the rigorous academic standards of the European education system. One of the European academic cultures that I highly value is the egalitarian relationship between students and educators, where I had the chance to actively participate in classes and private discussions with educators.
What draws me to this program is the opportunity to connect academic learning with professional practice. X University's internship opportunities will allow me to address behavioral challenges in organizational settings, applying what I have learned to develop impactful and viable solutions. The university's wide network with prominent European institutions will also help my future career endeavors in related fields. Additionally, the program's broad approach, compared to others that mainly focus on health behavior, provides the flexibility to explore other topics and career opportunities as well. As one of the first and leading institutions in Behavior Change, the program's curriculum and internship opportunities align with my aspirations to work in roles like environmental policy maker or corporate environmental advisor.
While sustainability is not the primary focus of the program, I noticed that it is a widely discussed topic at the university. Having studied at X University for a semester, I highly value the incredible amount of effort the university puts towards sustainable development. I am also eager to participate in the sustainable lab group and green organizations such as the Green Office at the university and Agreen to gain a practical understanding of sustainable efforts from real and feasible projects. Studying and engaging in such an environment will equip me with broader perspectives which help me expand my knowledge and prepare me to thrive as a future behavior change professional.
I am also confident that my unique perspective, shaped by my Southeast Asian background and diverse experiences, can add value to this program. By integrating insights from different cultural and societal frameworks, I hope to enrich discussions and contribute to the development of globally relevant behavior solutions. With X University's excellent academic quality supportive environment, I aim to bridge academic perspectives and cultural understanding to address behavioral challenges on a broader scale. All things considered, I believe my participation in this program and university will not only bring positive changes for my future endeavors in the research and professional world, but also contribute significantly to the academia community, as well as for the larger society.
Thank you for your time in reviewing and considering my application. I am eagerly looking forward to the opportunity ahead.
Best regards,
[Name]
The essay should contain:
- Description of why I chose the program
- How the program fits my previous education
- Future plan and research
- Why I chose the university
Upon reviewing my essay, I would like to know if you think my future plan is still ambiguous, and if the brief explanation of my previous education is enough.
Thank you in advance :)
To the admission committee of X University,
Dear Sir/Madam
I am writing this letter to declare my intention to apply for the Behavior Change program at X University. The program's focus and unique offerings align closely with my academic background and passion for psychology. I am confident that my educational experiences and strong interest in understanding and influencing human behavior make me a great fit for this program.
The study of human behavior has always fascinated me, especially its potential to bring meaningful change in society. My interest lies in promoting healthy and sustainable behaviors, which, when implemented effectively, can create tangible benefits for individuals and communities. During my bachelor's degree, I found the Behavior Modification course particularly inspiring, as it made me question: If supporting individual change can have such a positive impact on someone's life, what could large-scale change achieve for society? This question sparked my ambition to explore ways to drive sustainable behaviors that could make a real difference on a broader scale. As environmental issues are fundamentally caused by human behavior, I believe it is crucial to explore possible solutions from our behavior as well.
In this program, I seek to explore ways to increase civic participation in minimizing environmental problems, whether through creating incentive programs or addressing psychological, social, or economic barriers that hinder change in certain groups. I also aim to explore strategies for supporting sustainable behavioral change, particularly in corporate settings by taking areas such as energy efficiency, eco-friendly practices, and sustainable product design into consideration while also supporting organizational growth. Through this program, I hope to gain the skills and knowledge needed to develop evidence-based strategies that lead to positive behavioral changes across diverse populations. By mastering these skills and deepening my understanding of behavioral science, I am confident that I will be well-prepared to pursue impactful roles, such as an environmental policymaker or corporate environmental advisor, where I can actively contribute to creating a more sustainable future.
In addition to theoretical knowledge, I believe the coursework and internship opportunities will equip me to strive in professional settings, preparing me to effectively communicate ideas in both academic and non-academic contexts to stakeholders and clients. My bachelor's degree in psychology has also prepared me well. For instance, during my bachelor's degree, I helped an organization tackle their internal challenges by identifying root causes and providing viable solutions-an experience that honed my problem-solving and analytical skills that would help me navigate challenges in a professional setting. The course Behavior Modification also equipped me with the knowledge and practical skills in helping clients with behavior problems. Moreover, my participation in a study-based peer group on Eco Psychology introduced me to inspiring sustainability topics and building eco-conscious habits. These experiences inspired me to bring meaningful and realistic change to larger communities.
During my third year of my bachelor's degree at [Home university], I had the opportunity to study at [X university] for a semester with the prestigious and highly competitive scholarship scheme offered by the Ministry of Education of [my home country]. This semester allowed me to explore multidisciplinary studies and broaden my perspective. One of my courses, Globalizing Worlds, opened my eyes to environmental issues worldwide, specifically in the Global South, which is closely related to me and inspired me to bring changes to this particular issue. This experience not only exposed me to a multicultural academic environment but also familiarized me with the rigorous academic standards of the European education system. One of the European academic cultures that I highly value is the egalitarian relationship between students and educators, where I had the chance to actively participate in classes and private discussions with educators.
What draws me to this program is the opportunity to connect academic learning with professional practice. X University's internship opportunities will allow me to address behavioral challenges in organizational settings, applying what I have learned to develop impactful and viable solutions. The university's wide network with prominent European institutions will also help my future career endeavors in related fields. Additionally, the program's broad approach, compared to others that mainly focus on health behavior, provides the flexibility to explore other topics and career opportunities as well. As one of the first and leading institutions in Behavior Change, the program's curriculum and internship opportunities align with my aspirations to work in roles like environmental policy maker or corporate environmental advisor.
While sustainability is not the primary focus of the program, I noticed that it is a widely discussed topic at the university. Having studied at X University for a semester, I highly value the incredible amount of effort the university puts towards sustainable development. I am also eager to participate in the sustainable lab group and green organizations such as the Green Office at the university and Agreen to gain a practical understanding of sustainable efforts from real and feasible projects. Studying and engaging in such an environment will equip me with broader perspectives which help me expand my knowledge and prepare me to thrive as a future behavior change professional.
I am also confident that my unique perspective, shaped by my Southeast Asian background and diverse experiences, can add value to this program. By integrating insights from different cultural and societal frameworks, I hope to enrich discussions and contribute to the development of globally relevant behavior solutions. With X University's excellent academic quality supportive environment, I aim to bridge academic perspectives and cultural understanding to address behavioral challenges on a broader scale. All things considered, I believe my participation in this program and university will not only bring positive changes for my future endeavors in the research and professional world, but also contribute significantly to the academia community, as well as for the larger society.
Thank you for your time in reviewing and considering my application. I am eagerly looking forward to the opportunity ahead.
Best regards,
[Name]
