Reconsidering my application - how to write a good appeal for sdsu?

Becoming a Part of the Aztec Family

To Whom It May Concern:

Hi, my name is Tammy T. I am contacting you in regards to my admission denial to San Diego State University. I am writing this appeal because I feel that I am an extremely qualified candidate for admissions in the Business Administration major. It has been my long time ambition to study at, and graduate from, San Diego State University. Since you strongly promote that your business program is great , that is why I think it would be the perfect place for me to pursue my business major. San Diego State University is a school close to home and the only school I saw myself going to at the start of my high school career. My desire to attend a college close to my hometown means a lot to me and can help with my success and growth as a student and individual since I will have a support system at home which will motivate me.

-Growing up I have attended San Diego State University's campus for family graduations, concerts, Aztec volleyball games, and have visited the campus on a college day tour. It is a campus that I am comfortable at and see myself going to school at. I see it like my second home.

Something unique about San Diego State University....

My first semester of senior year was very bumpy and stressful. I juggled essays, college applications, extracurriculars and family situations outside of school. I have managed to keep myself paced and increase my GPA up this semester.

With a business degree I plan on opening my own business

Thank you in advance for reconsidering my application. I am committed to doing whatever it takes to be a part of the Aztec family. If you require additional information or support for my application, please don't hesitate to contact me at trantammy27 or (619) ***.

Sincerely,

Tammy T

It is a campus that I am ... I see it like my ...
-These two sentences seem a bit redundant, consider changing vocab from what is above to: The campus is comfortable and feels like a second home to me. I see myself walking along the pathways and through the hallways of SDSU.

With a business degree I plan on opening my own business(.)

Tammy, the tone of your letter is too informal for an appeal letter. this must carry a serious and acadmeic tone at all times because you will be presenting this letter to education professionals such as professors and deans of departments. Therefore, a high degree of respect for their positions must be evident in your letter. Since you are applying for reconsideration, you should mention when you first applied and the reasons (if any), for your rejection as per their previous communication with you. Aside from that, you should also mention how you have improved your grades and other circumstances that prevented your previous admission. These parts should have least a paragraph each representing your discussion. This current essay of yours needs to shorten the reasons why you want to attend SDSU. Your desire to attend is already evident through the re-application process and your improvements as a student in order to be considered a worthy applicant this time around. Don't talk about what makes SDSU unique. The reviewers already know that. Just focus on the reasons why they should opt to allow you to enroll this time around. After all, a student slot at the university is coveted, so explain why you deserve a slot this semester when you did not qualify before.