Study plan for my Canada study permit - to Global Business Management PGC.

Before you reading this letter, allow me to introduce the background.
My study permit is rejected twice and this will be my third attempt, and i changed my offer from Interior Decorating Diploma to Global Business Management PGC.

Here is my GCMS NOTE of my first rejection, so you guys can know the real reason the visa officer refused me:
File reviewed. PA is single, 26 years old. Travel to Japan only in 2015. Applying to attend Humber for 2 year
diploma in Interior Decorating. Last formal studies completed Bachelor of Management Science at Zhejiang
University of Media and Communications in 2013. Worked as video editor, product manager and since 2014 as
Planner at Socialab. No satisfactory explanation as to how proposed studies in Canada would benefit PA. Does
not appear to be logical progress from previous studies and work experience. I am not satisfied that PA is a
bona fide student and would leave CDA at the end of any authorized stay. Application refused

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So what I want to know is, is this study plan convcing enough?
Thank you!!!!

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Dear Visa Officer,
Thank you for taking your time to read this study plan in support of my student permit application.

After completing my Bachelor in Management Sciences from Zhejiang University Of Media and Communications, I started my career as a project manager in an IT company named Kanjian Music in 2013. My role was usually to generate product functions and plan roadmap based on market demands, gradually I found I was more interested in and good at market analysis. I switched my job to an advertising planner in 2014 as my first step move into strategic planning since market analysis is the key part of it, and now I opt for this Global Business Management course in Mohawk College to further deepen and refine my expertise in global business structure and management aiming at to be a strategic planner.

Strategic planning is a process of achieving business goal based on marketing, strategic thinking, data analysis, project managing, finance model building, etc., besides these important skills an eligible strategic planner should fulfill, the ability to see the big picture from an international perspective under this age of globalization is a particularly necessary. I have the right experienced since I live in Shanghai, one of the most international cities in China, and most of my clients are multinational corporations.

My last three years' work experience has improved my analytical, researching and communication skills, as well as my understanding of domestic marketplace, also I become more flexible and adaptable to deal with various problems. But to evolve in this competitive business world and to progress further in my career I have to gain more knowledge and brush up my skills, I want to work on business strategic plans in future, not just on brand promotion. That's why I choose this post graduate certificate in Global Business Management, it will not only keep me informed about the global business structure, but also improve my understanding on strategy implementation, as well as my skills such as strategic thinking, decision making, financial analysis, team management, and communication via courses like Global Business Environment, International marketing, E-commerce, Communicating Across Cultures and Project Management. I believe after this program I will be able to provide an analysis of the existing practices of my clients, help them reform their operations, and support their business by making recommendations for improvements. I am certain that this course would ensure me better employment opportunities and a successful career back at home not only is it something that inspired me, but it is something that I have relevant experience in.

I choose Canada because it is a friendly country with a top-ranking education quality and diverse culture, it would be very rewarding to develop an international network, exchange thoughts with teachers and other students from different nationalities who may be my future influencers and partners. The cost and tuition fees are also more reasonable when compared to other countries own the same great education system. Besides, it has built a highly-developed business system and always attach importance to the international business. For example, EU and Canada signed the Comprehensive Economic and Trade Agreement last month, which will see an increase international business trade volumes between them and as a would-be business student, I would have more practical chances which can upgrade my understanding on global business and foreign economic model; any domestic classes or online courses will not bring me such benefits.

This Global Business Management program in Mohawk college only lasts 16 months, it is perfect for someone like me who has an experience in the job world and wants to upgrade skills in specific specialization, moreover, it covers all important theoretical courses I want to learn, especially Intro To Small Business And Entrepreneurship and Managing The Small Business which are set at Semester 3 and 4, I can refine the major aspects of skills in this two courses, like dealing with people, time management, making business plan, presenting arguments and researching small business market. Besides, considering my age and economic pressure, choosing a short term is a much viable choice.

Furthermore, as one of the largest, most diversified and highly respected colleges in Canada, Mohawk has built a partner business relationship with 15 varied companies in Southern Ontario, so I would have the opportunity to enroll in a local company while studying. I treat practice seriously and I think it is the best way to enhance what I've learned, for example, once I knew how to edit video, I practiced it by working as an intern video editor at my junior year.

After graduated, I'll go back to China to seek my future career. I am more familiar with Chinese market and customers, so I won't have a problem dealing with foreign clients who want to know Chinese marketplace, or domestic clients who need overseas expansion plans, my former planning experience and my business knowledge gained from this theory-practice integration course can create more opportunities to apply my skills to future clients' problems. In addition, I have built my own network here from my previous jobs and social life, so go back to China is more advantageous to my personal and career development.

Therefore, I hope you would kindly give my application a positive consideration.

Yours Sincerely,
XXX

Cxl, the most important question you should be answering in your appeal letter is this: "Why do you want to study in Canada when you can manage to study either in a China based university or through online classes?" What is the appeal of studying in Canada as far as you are concerned? More importantly, what are the experiences that you hope to bring back to your country immediately after graduation? You are not convincing enough in that aspect.

You speak of your previous work experience and business knowledge towards the end of the letter. What you should be presenting, is the information as to how you plan to go back to China and why it is important that you share this knowledge with the Chinese business community. You should also explain, in a summarized manner, why you first applied to study interior decorating. Since you are presenting an appeal, you should not forget to mention the reason why you were first rejected, why you originally thought of applying to that course and why you decided to change your application slant this time around.

Hi, Holt, thank you for your advice!

About my first rejection, one friend who had work experience on Canada study visa paperwork, he said I'd better not mention it because it's not that necessary and will bring too much information, he suggested I only need to convince visa officer of my study plan.

Also, I'm a little concerned about this letter may has too many words....

You have to bring up the explanation about your first rejection because your file will be pulled out for additional reference once you submit your documentation for consideration. The visa officer will definitely know about it then. Therefore, you have to consider that the questions regarding your first rejection will come up and you will have to deal with it in the interview (if you get that far). It will be in your best interest to be preemptive at this point so that your preliminary screening will have all of the relevant information and pertinent points for consideration covered. Now, if you feel that you would rather not bring it up and take your chances, then the choice is yours.

It definitely runs too long because you formatted this as an academic application essay instead of a visa application. Basically, you don't need to be so detailed about your desire to study at Mowhawk since that doesn't concern the visa officer. What you have to do, is make sure that your desire to return to your country is just as evident as your desire to study in Canada. Leave the school out of it. If you have a current business existing in China, give the name, location, and form of proprietorship (sole would be best in this case) as part of the evidence that you MUST go back because of the legal existence of your business. Include your documentation for your business in your new application to support your claims.

@Holt
Thank you, I actually hesitated about whether to mention my first rejection or not.

And I don't have any business existing here lol, and i explained how this school and this program will help me to be a better planner in future is to make the officer believe my study purpose.

Thank you again, I will modify it as you suggested.