Hey guys I would really appreciate your constructive criticism for my study plan that I have written for the Canadian study permit. I am open to new ideas or things I can improve in the study plan. Again thank you very much! :)
Study Plan:
Dear Visa Officer,
I am Waleed Ahsan Sarfraz, a legal citizen of Pakistan applying for a Canadian study permit from the Philippines. The purpose of this letter is to explain my study plan for my post-secondary education.
It has always been a goal of mine to acquire a bachelor's degree from a well-recognized foreign university, however, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, I was unable to apply for a study permit last year after I graduated high school. It was in my best interest to start my bachelor's degree from a university in the Philippines to avoid inactivity in terms of my academics as I am very fond of learning new things and acquiring knowledge about the world of business. After completing my second semester at SISFU, partnered with De Montfort University in the UK, I started searching for an internationally reputed university in Canada that can provide me with much better prospects for my education and business environment. My search finally ended at Ryerson University in Toronto, Canada, and in March 2021 I received my admission letter from Ryerson University in the Bachelor of Commerce - Business Management program.
I am very ardent about pursuing my bachelor's degree in Canada because of the high-quality education that the nation provides and regardless of a person's race, ethnicity, or gender, Canada welcomes international students. All around the world Canadian universities are ranked among the top schools and universities and it is my goal to study at a school like Ryerson University where I can learn from noteworthy professors, gain international exposure, and experience the field of business through the business management co-op program. I applied to Ryerson University for its highly recommended co-op opportunities as well as its outstanding business management program at Ted Rogers School of Management as it is ranked under the top 100 universities in the world.
My overall educational goal is to gain a bachelor's degree in the business management program so I can return to my home country, Pakistan, and pursue a career there in the respective field. Additionally, I have secured a job opportunity in Pakistan, where I am offered a position as a business development manager at CTI Shipping Services LLC Karachi. I will be reporting directly to the head of supply chain, however, I can only start working after I successfully complete my bachelor's of commerce at Ryerson University. I plan to attain my degree in 4 years and after that, I will return to Pakistan to start working for CTI Shipping Services LLC Karachi. Studying in an international institution like Ryerson University will help me improve my management skills and gain a competitive edge which will set me apart from my colleagues when I return to Pakistan to start working at CTI Shipping Services LLC Karachi.
Even though I am currently studying in a business administration program in the Philippines, the education system here lacks practicality in terms of applying knowledge in real-life situations. Specifically, the school I am studying in emphasizes more on the memorization of tests and exams rather than focusing on the practical aspects of business administration such as decision-making skills and strategies that are implemented to solve managerial problems. On the contrary, the Bachelor of Commerce - Business Management program at Ryerson University is very practical and provides a lot of opportunities for students to use the knowledge gained in class and apply it to the real world and because of that, I am very enthusiastic to study in a professional learning environment such as Ryerson where I can further develop my communication skills to develop important relationships with clients and enhance other professional practices such as generating sales leads and develop opportunities in target markets.
I am thankful that both my parents are financially supporting me to study abroad. My father, Ahsan Sarfraz Chaudhry, works for DHL Global Forwarding Indonesia as Head of OFR, ISC, & DOM and his annual income is IDR 1,905,335,081. His current bank balance is IDR 746,060,390.37 making him financially capable of supporting my entire period of studies. My mother, Arjumand Nageen, is a housewife and she has 2 properties under her ownership in Pakistan. The total value of properties my mother owns is PKR 48 million. Apart from that, my parents are legal citizens of Pakistan and before moving to the Philippines as foreign nationals due to my father's job transfer, I lived in Pakistan for 15 years with my family. All my relatives, including my grandparents, live in Pakistan and as soon as I finish my studies, I will return to Pakistan to start working at CTI Shipping Services LLC Karachi.
As for my education history, I was admitted to SISFU in July 2020 and I have completed two semesters to date. The school's address is Lima, Las Pinas, 1740 Metro Manila, Philippines. Before that, I completed my secondary education at Brent International School Manila from grade 9 to 12 dating from 2016 to 2020. The school is located at Brentville Subdivision, Barangay Mamplasan, Biñan, Laguna, 4024, Philippines. Lastly, I completed my education from preschool to grade 8 dating 2006 to 2016 at The City School PAF Chapter. The school is located at Shaheed-e-Millat Road, Falcon Complex, Karachi, Karachi City, Sindh, Pakistan.
Throughout my stay in the Philippines, I didn't travel abroad because I was very invested in my academics and I rarely got the chance to travel outside the country. My schedule was often very busy and hectic, nonetheless, I plan to visit Pakistan during my summer vacations to meet my relatives.
Lastly, I would like to end by summarizing my educational goal which is to gain a bachelor's degree to commence my career in Pakistan and I want to study in Canada because of its rich cultural diversity and professional educational environment. I would also like to thank the visa officer who took the time to read this study plan and I hope my study permit is accepted.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 You do not need to go overboard with information about your current university and other academic history in the study plan. It should actually focus on the studies that you will be attending in Canada and how you plan to apply these information to the workplace when you go home to Pakistan. You should keep the explanation about why you ended up becoming a Pakistani studying in the Philippines, but try not to downgrade the university you are attending so much. Simply imply that their educational system will not be hugely applicable to the field in Pakistan so you are looking for another international educational opportunity that will be closer to Pakistani needs in the area.
Delve more on your ambition as a professional that you hope to attain upon your return to Pakistan. Imply that you are studying an undergraduate course that you know will make you employable in Pakistan. Use the background of your parents, and their worth, in Canadian Dollars, as the reason why they should trust you will not overstay your welcome in Canada.
Use a clear motivation to go home to Pakistan in the letter. Focus on a clear and applicable purpose for your studies in the letter as well. The draft carries references to these mentions however, you are not really developing these important points. You are too focused on your academic history, when the focus should be on proving your worth as a potential student in Canada and how your training there will make you employable in Pakistan.
