Topic: You are on your holiday in Bayview hotel. Write to your friend.

Hi there, Lan
Long time no see. Hope you are doing well !
I am writing to you from Bayview hotel, where I take my holiday. It is a nice place and I can not stop thinking about it. There is a beautiful beach in front of the hotel where we have a wonderful view from my room. You must be thinking about our friendship album, I guess. Of course, we can take a lot of photos or make a variety album with hundred of landscapes from here. And guess what! Bayview hotel is a family running hotel where I am being treated with many specific disk.

Furthermore, let me talk a little about our activities there. Here I experienced my first sailing trip. On the other day, we had a coach trip to the old town. It's such an interesting journey. Then, we participated in the disco event that occurred in the evening.

Anyway, why don't you join me in the next year's holiday. I bet that we will have such an unforgettable holiday. Write to me soon.

Yours,

Tran, your letter has a number of grammatical errors that need to be corrected. For example:


Grammar rules dictate that no formally written sentence should begin with "And" or "Because". This sentence should be written as : "Guess what! Bayview Hotel is a family run hotel where I am being treated in an extra special manner." or some variation of that sentence. I am not sure what you mean by you are "being treated with many specific disk. "

The overall structure of the letter is not as informative as it can be. Neither does it accomplish the task of enticing your friend to join you there on vacation next time. You need to work on strengthening the first part of the paragraph that reads:


You could describe more of the hotel and its facilities at this point. Paint a more vivid view of the beach, the hotel, etc. Describe it in such a way that your friend will be able to visualize what you are describing and in the process, stir up envy and make him want to join you next time. Building up the location in the letter is also a better way of building up the fact that it is a family run hotel so it offers other services and amenities that other hotels do not have.

There is also no clear explanation as to how your vacation connects with the friendship album. Explain that you can grow the album collection with photos of your next vacation where you hope your friend can join you. Remember, the whole idea behind the letter is to open your friend's eyes to the fact that he is missing out by not being with you on vacation.

If you'd like to rewrite the letter in order to try and make it better, we will be more than happy to help you practice this type of letter writing :-)