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Letter writing: celebrating the end of the school year. Review it and help me locate my mistakes.



Sim123 1 / -  
Apr 28, 2016   #1
Question: Your class has decided to celebrate the end of the school year by visiting a place of interest. You are the class prefect.Your teacher has asked you to write a letter to the parents of your classmates to explain your plans. Write your letter.You must include the following:

• when and where you are going and details of your travel arrangements
• why your class has chosen this place and what you will do there
• how the students in your class will benefit from the trip.


Dear parents,
I, Angelina, being the class prefect would like to inform you that, as the school year of your child has finally come to an end by 20th April so, Our school ' Rock High School' in collaboration with students has arranged a trip for the students to mark and celebrate this auspicious event 22nd April at 'Dream World Resort'. The responsibility for the arrangements for this trip be the responsibility of students themselves except security being provided by the school and transport which is surely going to be school bus. Students will arrange for food and drinks, deciding the budget for this visit, board games for spare time etc. All students are required for pay Rs. 1500 only and they should arrive at school premises at sharp 8:00am.

The idea for 'Dream World Resort' was collectively suggested by the students as it has newly been built and set up with advanced leisure activities attracting people. Students consider it as best place to wrap these moments as a memory to reminisce and enjoy with their fellow students. Students will enjoy from various sports activities like swimming, horse riding, boat riding, playing snooker, video games etc. The buffet will be arranged for students after 1 hour of arrival to the resort. Students will also sing along with their friends, take pictures and will gossip with each other.

The trip will surely prove to be beneficial as Students will get more socialise, release their anxiety of exams,recently held. Moreover they will perform exercise through sport activities making them energise and fit. This trip will also help students to learn how to organise and arrange different projects developing their learning skills.

Yours faithfully
Angelina

adhesti 3 / 10  
Apr 28, 2016   #2
The responsibility for the arrangements for this trip be is the responsibility (...) is surely going to be a school bus.

Students consider it as the best place to wrap ...
Students will enjoy from various sports activities like ...

Moreover, they will perform exercise through sports activities making them energise and fit.
justivy03 - / 2265  
May 5, 2016   #3
Hi Simran, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you will find this website to be the answer to any questions you may have on the English Language practice and will serve as your go to website in any case that you doubts and need an extra hand on your work.

Now, I would like to share a few modifications on your essay.

- Dear pP arents, ) capitalize the word "Parents " this does not only show respect but more so emphasis to your addressee )
- I, Angelina, being the class prefect
- year of your child has finally
- come to an end by 20th April so( 20 April ) ,
- event , on the 22nd of April
- forof this trip will be
- the responsibility ofhandled by the
- students themselves, ( don't forget your punctuation marks, your essay as much as your reader needs a breather in reading your essay )
- except security is being
- is surelydefinitely going to
- be the school bus.
- Students will arrange fortheir food
- at the school premises at sharp 8:00am.

There you have it Simran, as you can see there's still quiet a lot of corrections to be done on your essay and I hope you follow through with the suggestions. I left the last 2 paragraphs for you t practice proof reading and editing yourself. I hope to read the revision soon.


Home / Letters / Letter writing: celebrating the end of the school year. Review it and help me locate my mistakes.
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