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First person narrative prose, "Gasson at Midnight,"

BCstudwnt 1 / -  
Aug 29, 2017   #1
Please write a first person narrative prose entitled, "Gasson at Midnight,"

Please comment on the essay content. I don't want any comments about grammar. Thanks so much in advance!

Gasson at Midnight

The wind blows in my face and my eyes open a little to the chilly weather
One blanket on the ground and three of us cuddled together to fit in.
With the corner of my eye I look at the little girl and boy who stare at the lofty Tower ahead
"It's Gasson," I tell them. "The magnificent site on Commonwealth Ave,"
I admire the building's fine architecture and elegant colors
It shines with the open lights as people make their way up and down the building.
I close my eyes once more, and smile holding the hands of the two kids.
One Big Sister and two kids cuddling on the ground watching Gasson.
BC Bigs, this beautiful tower, the great city: all the thoughts that ever make me happy.
From time to time mosquitoes come and go along but little sister and brother do not complain.
We are mesmerized and watching Gasson holding out our hands at the building's bell chamber
The moon smiles and two crows glance our way and fly up high.
Little brother sits up, and so does little sister for a better view
I sit up too and look at the site from a different view.
The wind blows harder and suddenly it gets chilly and the moon light dims.
Little sister hops up in joy and shock.
It starts snowing at midnight at Gasson.
We run into the building; hot chocolate awaits.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,918 4798  
Aug 30, 2017   #2
Mualla, the essay is a simple narrative, but it doesn't contain a story that would make it an interesting narrative. As a narrative prose, you need to show an actual story within the poem. How many stanzas as you required to write? Maybe you can revise the prose to better reflect a story that has a beginning, middle, and end. Try to show a sense of growth within your prose. The growth needs to stem from the lessons learned or experiences that the narrator has with his sisters. It would be better if the prose manages to show a character growth for all 3 characters. The title of the prose needs to be integrated into the actual prose as either the place that drives the story forward or the place that becomes the catalyst for character growth. This narrative prose that you wrote is mostly about an interesting visit to a place but nothing really happens to the characters beyond that. If you have the time to revise the essay please do so. If possible, you can incorporate my suggestions into the revised version.

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