The assignment was to write an analysis paper. My professor said my topic is fine, but my paper needs a lot of work. She basically told me I need to rewrite it because it is not an analysis. Any feedback on how to rewrite this into more of an analysis paper will be greatly appreciated. She also only gave us a day to fix them so I need this feedback as soon as possible, it's due in 18 hours. Plus, All quotes are cited, I just wasn't allowed to post the websites.
American Made Sweets
I have always loved to cook. My dad is a cook at a southern takeout restaurant, and he taught my brother and me at a young age. As we got older, my brother and I found a passion for cooking. My brother and I are around the same skill level when it comes to cooking, but when it comes to baking, I take the cake. Baking has been such an important part of my life for so long and I'm truly blessed to have found something I have such a deep passion for. One of my favorite places online to look for recipes is Pinterest. While I was looking for desserts to make for a 4th of July party, I found one on Pinterest that I just had to make!
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Your teacher is right Brianna. Your essay is nowhere near an analysis essay. It is more of a mix between a creative and process essay. I put together a quick instruction manual for you about how to write an analytical essay. Follow this simple format and your essay should at least fall within the requirements of an analytical essay. The content of the essay though, is all up to you :-)
1. Ask yourself what the objective of your analytical essay is. It should either delve into discussing an issue or present an opinion. You can also analyze a film , novel, or speech. These are some basic topics that can be covered in analytical essay. Support your discussion through research and/or personal opinions.
2 When you already know what you want to write about, develop your thesis statement. This will be the basis of your analytical essay discussion.
3. Find evidence to support your claims and then discuss each supporting claim as an individual paragraph. Use quotes or paraphrasing whenever necessary.
4. Conclude your essay and remember to proofread for grammatical errors and sentence structure problems.
I'm a little confused. The topic is the topic I have to go with because I've already submitted it once. This is basically a revision I need to do. I'm not sure what you mean by support my claim because we've done another paper since this one (before we got this back) which was a position paper where I took a certain aspect from this paper (That it was a box cake mix) and argued the reasons why boxed mixes are better than scratch mixes. I used evidence to support my claim and the opposite. I'm just not sure how I am supposed to claim something in this essay. I obviously thought this was an analysis paper because it discusses the topic and explains how it was made with the different opinions and views on the same cake. I'm just so confused!!
On the contrary, you ended you ended up writing a process essay instead. In this case, you should make a clear claim regarding American made sweets. Perhaps something along the lines of "American Made Sweets Taste Better when Home Made". Under such a claim / thesis, you can analyze the way the sweets commercially made and home made differ in procedure when creating the product. Compare the two, offering your own opinion of what makes one process better than the other. Thus effectively placing an analysis within the essay and using your own home made recipe and personal stories for the essay as well. That will offer a solid and informed discussion to the reader.
The title is more of just a play on the fact that the cake is an American Flag cake. I try to come up with clever titles the best I can. Basically, the topic of the paper has to be this specific American Flag cake. Some examples from my class are pencils(don't ask), cheer-leading, surfing and soccer. I chose this topic because I like baking. I'm sorry if this is redundant, I honestly just don't really understand what this paper is supposed to be. Could the paper focus on baking as a whole instead of the specific cake? And then just have the cake play a significant role in the paper in some way? How would I have it focus on baking if I can? I don' t know where to start! This is the only paper I've ever had trouble writing! I'm usually a pretty decent writer, so you can imagine how frustrating this is haha.
Brianna, you can definitely use baking as the basis of your analysis. Look up American Flag cake recipes on the internet and analyze one of those recipes in comparison to yours. Compare the baking styles and discuss how the difference in baking results in different cake textures, flavors, etc. Focus on an analysis of the difference in ingredients and procedure. That usually results in different cake batters and finished product textures. Analyze the way the would differ in flavor and texture because of the differing ingredients and baking style. Don't fret, don't confuse yourself. Focus on the requirements of an analysis essay and find a way to connect it to your chosen topic. I already gave you a few pointers regarding how to do that. I am sure you can find other aspects that I would not be familiar with since I would rather buy a cake than bake a cake :-) I'll be here to back you up and calm you down whenever you need it.
Okay, so do you think I would be able to use the recipe I used since I made it from box mixes and use a recipe from one of my sources (all of which baked from scratch)? And then I compare the way they looked and the way mine and, I assume, hers tasted based on her blog (because I don't know haha)? How would I incorporate the other sources I have? I assume I could use Elissa's blog source somehow pertaining to how she came up with the idea for the cake, but I'm not sure how to use the other source unless it was possible for me to compare both recipes to mine, if they're even different. Sue got her idea from Glory who got her idea from Elissa who created the idea, so it is very possible that Sue and Glory used the same recipe. Elissa did not post her recipe. Thank you so much for putting up with all of my questions, by the way!
Brianna, rather than hypothesizing about what the essay should contain, write something down either in outline or draft essay form so that we will have something more solid to discuss and compare. If you used mixes then say so. The difference between the recipes will depend and be reflected in the way you analyze the method by which the cake was made and how it could quite possible taste. We can spin our wheels all night discussing possible content but unless you create something solid for review, I don't see how else I can help you develop, revise, and analyze this essay.
Okay, that makes sense. I'm currently working on a one to two page portfolio cover letter that is also due tomorrow. What timezone are you in? I fear that I'm going to be up all night working on these papers and, if it's not too much of a bother, I was hoping you could possibly look over my cover letter as well. I've never written one and I want to make sure it is formatted correctly. I'm in the East Coast timezone so it's 11:05 pm right now. If you'd much rather go to bed, please don't feel obligated to stay up with me. I just want to make sure everything is the best it can be before my class at 3:00 pm Eastern time.
Would you be able to help me with a thesis statement? This is what I have written so far (I hope it's on the right track to an analysis paper.) :
I have always loved to cook. My dad is a cook at a southern takeout restaurant, and he taught my brother and me at a young age. As we got older, my brother and I found a passion for cooking. My brother and I are around the same skill level when it comes to cooking, but when it comes to baking, I take the cake. Baking has been such an important part of my life for so long and I'm truly blessed to have found something I have such a deep passion for. In lieu of a 4th of July party coming up, I was given the task to bake a cake. I started looking online for recipes and I found one on a blog owned by Sue Sparks. She posted steps explaining how to assemble the cake along with the recipe she used. I had decided from the get-go that I would be making my cake from a box mix simply because scratch mixes can be unreliable and this cake was for a lot of people at a party.
I used the first couple of sentences from my original paper because she didn't say that part was bad. She even laughed at my pun haha. Her bracket stating that she didn't know what I was analyzing started at "On of my favorite places online..."
Sorry for the third post in a row, but I've just realized that the sources I thought used scratch mixes, used box mixes like I did. I could've sworn one of them used a scratch mix and posted the recipe but I guess I was wrong. Only one of my sources used a scratch recipe but she didn't post it because she did not like the way it turned out. I'm stumped! What do I do now?!
Brianna, here's my suggestion for a thesis statement:
Every 4th of July Americans show their patriotism through food. Cooking and baking up a storm to honor our forefathers is their way of remembering our struggle against the British, they choose to symbolize this freedom through the insignia that best represents our freedom, the American flag. Over the years though various recipes have been developed for the baking of this holiday staple. The busy lifestyle of today though, has demanded that shortcuts be taken in the baking of the cake. Ready name mixes are now used in place of batter made from scratch. This analysis essay shall compare my family recipe , which uses a cake mix against another day mix recipe for the American Flag Cake. Analyzing the difference in content and flavor before deciding upon whose version is best.
I think this thesis will help you with the day mix problem. Use it as the basis of your revised essay ;-)
I talked to my professor today and she has given me until tomorrow at 5:00 est. to turn the paper in. She also told me exactly what to focus on and what to analyze so, since tomorrow is a study day and I don't have classes, I am going to spend all day working on it. I hope you will be able to look over it for me before I have to turn it in. Thanks so much for putting up with me thus far! :)
That is really good to hear. Don't worry about me, I'll be here to assist you. Just give me a bit of time to get in touch as we may not be online at the same time. Excellent pointers from your professor. Concentrate on the points mentioned and make sure to not miss any point of discussion. Just relax and take a deep breath. Try to clear your mind and don't think about the deadline as you work on the paper. Remember, if you rush, it will get worse for sure. Just breath and take your time. It should work out fine. I'll do my best to guide you towards editing the paper properly :-)
Thanks so much! I've gotten three paragraphs out of the way and I'm currently working on a fourth out of six! I hope it turns out to be an analysis! I'm a narrative writer and a story teller in person so I can't help but tell stories! I really hope there isn't too much story in this paper! I'm doing the best I can to explain the reasons why some of the aspects I'm analyzing are the way they are.
Okay, I've gotten most of it out of the way. I'm just having trouble with an introduction, a conclusion and a thesis statement. The thesis statement is not allowed to be more than a sentence. I really need to finish around 4:15, 4:30 at the latest so I can make it to my professor's office by 5:00. Here's what I have so far:
American Made Sweets
One aspect of this cake that I really love is its patriotism. I come from a very patriotic family and I have always grown up learning to respect those who've died for my freedom and to always stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. This cake reminds me of growing up because it makes you feel like you're eating American pride! It couldn't be more patriotic unless Uncle Sam was eating it on the top of the Statue of Liberty on the 4th of July in 1776. This cake, despite being very specifically an American Flag, is well-rounded enough for a variety of holidays. It can be made for any America-celebrating holiday as well such as Labor Day, Veterans Day, or even to support America during the Olympics (Sparks).
Another aspect of this cake that makes it spectacular is how much fun it is to make! The process is time consuming, but the end product is definitely worth it. The cake is a four layer cake with frosting between each layer. The process requires four eight inch round cakes: one white, one blue and two red. The red and white cakes are cut in half because not all of them are needed. Once they're cut in half, both bottoms of the red cakes are set aside along with the bottom of the white cake. Four inch circles need to be cut from the middle of one of the remaining red halves and the remaining white half. The blue cake, still fully intact, will have a four inch circle cut out of it as well. Assembling this cake is my favorite part because it's fun to see how it all comes together. With a red layer on the bottom, I stack a white layer then another red layer with frosting on the top of each layer. The blue layer is a little tricky because I have to frost the inside of the hole that I cut out of it. Once the inside is frosted, I add the four inch white and red circles and, finally, the cake is assembled.
I like seeing the layers before they're frosted because all of the colors are showing in a really interesting way, but not in the way that resembles the American Flag. I frost it in a simple white cream cheese frosting with no decoration because, as Glory Albin, the author of Glorious Treats, stated on her blog, "I opted for an extra simple decorating style on the outside of the cake, knowing the 'wow factor' would be on the inside" (Albin). The colors inside the cake would make it stand out in a unique and creative way. Once the cake is cut in to, the American Flag is visible. The colors are so bright and absolutely gorgeous! The white stripes really make the red and blue pop! The colors almost look as if they're neon, they're so bright. The cake came out to remarkably resemble that familiar American icon.
One of the best parts of this cake is the look on everyone's face when it is cut into. No one is expecting to see an American Flag on the inside of a cake! Elissa Bernstein, author of 17andbaking, writes, "I was floored by how beautifully colored all the layers were, and how much it really resembled a flag!" (Bernstein). When everyone sees the cake, they are surprised that an American Flag inside of cake can even be possible! I love making this cake because of the warm responses I get from everyone who's able to enjoy it. And let's face it, who in America does not love the American Flag? There's an aspect of this cake that I find interesting as well. The flavors of the cake can be altered to fit the colors of the cake! Next time I create this cake, I plan on adding strawberry and blueberry flavoring to the red and blue layers because it will add an extra special surprise that no one will expect!
The American pride, fun creation process, bright colors and look on people's faces are all a part of what makes this cake over the top.
Sorry Brianna, I can't help you write the introduction and conclusion. I already offered you a sample of the thesis statement in a previous post. Those are things you have to come up with yourself. Now about the essay that you have written. It is once again, not an analysis essay. It became a personal opinion piece because of all the references to personal points of view. You should be discussing this from an unbiased point of view. A detachment that allows you to review the process and analyze how it is completed in reference to another point of view. That is how you analyze a situation, a point of view, or a process. You just turned in some pretty good narrative / creative writing at this point. Here is what you should do. Look for sample analysis essays online and use those are your example in writing your piece. I found 2 examples online that may be able to help you out. These two essays are located at:
eng101wwend.pbworks.com/w/page/45350782/Process%20Analysis%20Sample%20Essay
and
analysisessay.org/example-of-process-analysis-essay/
These are both baking process analysis essays which I believe will really help you get your essay into shape. Good luck :-)
I finished the paper and turned it in. My deadline was at 5:00 eastern time. My professor allowed me to use first person because the topic was so difficult. She asked me the reasons why I picked my topic and those reasons were: I like that it's patriotic, I like the colors, I like the process of making it and peoples reactions when the cake is cut into. She was okay with it being opinion based.
