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Racism in Australia - my report on intolerant attitudes towards migrants



Rodeo 1 / -  
Jun 10, 2010   #1
Hi guys
Im Sean Taylor
I'm in year 11 and was wondering if you guys could check and critique my report it is only the start and got heaps to do.

Don't hold back and critique as much as you want

Intolerant attitudes towards migrants have roots in the Australian gold rushes of the 1850's. Australians had broken up into five different colonies. 'The Australian gold rushes started in 1851 when prospector Edward Hammond Hargraves claimed the discovery of payable gold near Bathurst, New South Wales, at a site Edward Hargraves called Ophir. Six months later, gold was found in Victoria at Warrandyte and Ballarat, and a short time later at Bendigo Creek. Gold was later found in all of the other Australian states'. Countries around the world flocked to Australia at the announcement of the gold discovery.' Australia attracted adventurers from all around the world. The majority of these new arrivals were British but also included Americans, French, Italians, Germans, Polish, and Hungarian exiles. The largest foreign contingent on the goldfields was the 40,000 Chinese who made their way to Australia.' . In having so many different countries arrive in Australia, our population boomed.' In 1852 alone, 370,000 immigrants arrived in Australia and the economy of the boomed.' During a period of 20 years the population rose again putting the population up from 430,000 in 1851 to 1.7 million in 1871.

The conflict between the Chinese and the Australians grew as the amount of gold dropped. Australians blamed the Chinese for the gold running out and for the unfortunate people that bought claims and never found any gold.

silkesha 4 / 24  
Jun 11, 2010   #2
The essay sounds good, but, I'd suggest you to involve a few personal thoughts as well. Everything factual would make it boring. Anyways, the flow is perfect!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jun 11, 2010   #3
Intolerant attitudes towards migrants in Australia have roots in the Australian gold rushes of the 1850's. ---- is this what you mean? Migrants in Australia? You should not write it as if intolerant attitudes everywhere have roots in the gold rushes... ust in Australia.

Here is an idea. Your way was correct; this is just an idea:
Australians had broken up into five different colonies when the Australian gold rushes started in 1851. Pro spector Edward Hammond Hargraves claimed the discovery of...

Looks pretty good! Where did you get your info? Cite the source by putting the author's name in parenthesis at the end of any sentence where you give a fact you got fro a book or article.

:-)


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