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AAS - Political Science - How will the proposed study contribute to your career?

calicookies 2 / 3  
Apr 22, 2021   #1
Hi everyone, I'm looking for feedback on my AAS personal statement

How will the proposed study contribute to your career*?

I am a political-corruption researcher in the local anti-corruption NGO (i put the name). I am responsible for analyzing Indonesia's policy and regulations that and published monthly, quarterly and annual reports on Indonesia's corruption case. After completing my study in Australia, I plan to return to the NGO and continue the organization's research.

In upcoming years, political corruption in mining sectors, especially in coal energy, will be my focus of research. The contributions of the study are to systematically record the money politics in coal mining industries and explore the impact of politically exposed persons to the policy related to mining and energy sectors. In the broader perspective, the study also provides new lights on Indonesia democratic decline scholarships, especially to the understudied business actors' role. In this research, I was assigned to trace and identify the policy makers affiliated with coal industries; either as beneficial ownership or corruption-related cases. I was also assigned to investigate the decision-making process of the recently passed Mining Bill and Job Creation Bill.

Considering political parties are the responsible actors for money politics in Indonesia, I need to gain in-depth theoretical and conceptual understanding of the political party system and in comparative perspectives. Therefore, I will be able to identify the shortcomings of Indonesian political party; its weakness and strength, comparing political party regimes across third-wave democracy, and the role, nature and characteristics of informal actors in money politics settings. Furthermore, I also need to explore the political financing regime and system to detect the shortcoming in Indonesia's political party system that is implicated in pervasive corruption.

Following the study in Australia, I would also aspire to improve the organizational and mobilizational capacity of Indonesia's pro-democracy movement, starting from the NGO. The 2019's and 2020's mass rally exposed the civil society movement's inability to frame the agenda in an appropriate perspective. Therefore, my goal is to implement and operationalize the political and social change concept and theory into the movement, strategically and tactically. Using my NGO Anti-Corruption Academy I also able to introduce, promote, and reproduce the works of Indonesianist in order to explain the situation in Indonesia and improve the ability to analyze the political trajectories.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,692 3498  
Apr 23, 2021   #2
Your essay is way over the standard character maximum of 2000 characters. You need to edit your content into the proper character count. The only actual part of this essay that works with regards to the goal of study is the last paragraph. The part that goes:

I would also aspire to improve... analyze the political trajectories.

This is the portion that explains the goal of your study in relation to your future career. The middle portion is not relevant because you speak of research you will be doing on the job, not in relation to what you will be learning or how the studies will help you achieve a career goal. You can use the first and last paragraphs to respond to the prompt directly. Build the second paragraph in relation to your career goals and professional objectives as a part of the goal of study presentation and relevance to your future career presentation.

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