Applicant's potential to attribute and/or drive social changes

Prompt: Briefly comment on the applicant's potential to contribute to and/ or drive social change in his/her context.

SCHOLARSHIP REFERENCE LETTER

In her role as a Document Controller cum ISO Consultant for my client's company, she demonstrates she is a good listener and giving advice to effectively solve any problems encountered during her period of service. Combine with her experience and commitment in teaching, I think she has great prospect to be a reliable mentoring and provide coaching to organizations that seek help in improving its business operations financial situation. This can contribute to increase in job employment and urge the economic activity to be more active.

Based on her strong relationship with her almamater university and several companies in manufacturing industries from her past work experience, and deep interest in collaborations can lead to a lot of chances to bridging beneficial relationships between organization from her home country with professionals and academicians in Sweden while studying there. I believe what I mentioned she capable to in the future will improve a lot of economics condition, enhance the managers' knowledge in management and more likely attract the interest of young professionals and students in her chosen field.

---
I am writing the draft on behalf of my referee which will be reviewed later by her.
I appreciate any comments for the above essay.
Thank you so much in advance.

Messal, since you are writing this for someone else, there are actually parts that you have to remove because it is obvious that you are the one who wrote the letter and not the person supposedly recommending you. There are some important parts that you have to include in this letter.

First, include the name, position, and length of relationship that you have had with this person. Include information about how you and this person came to work together at the company. Include the company name and list some of the clients that the two of you supposedly worked together on to create an impression on the reader.

Second, your second paragraph makes reference to clients from your previous employment. That is what will tell the reader that you most likely faked this letter of recommendation. Since this person is supposed to be part of your present / immediate past company, the information about your previous employers should not be something she is referring to. Remove any and all references that make it clear that this was written by the applicant instead of the person making the recommendation. A reviewer can spot a fake recommendation immediately. So be very careful about the content of your letter.

Finally, please write the essay using past tense alone. That is because of the events and situations in the letter have already happened and do not continue into the present. Therefore you should not use present tense in the essay. More importantly, do not use "this" to refer to the information provided. Use the plural form "These" instead.

@Holt

Thank you very much Holt for your review. I will heed to your advice.

Just for the number one, the format for this essay is decided by the scholarship committee. It provides separate table for name, organization name and detail of relationship. So I didn't include those information in the essay.

• 
  Letter of Reference from SISS
  
• 
  Prompt for the references
  

Hi Messal, I did not realize that there was a specific form for the application you are trying to complete. In that case, disregard my advice pertaining to that portion. Always remember, we will give advice here which are meant to help you. However, it is not applicable for some reason, then don't do it. You just need to inform us about the specific requirements of the application and we will adjust the advice to suit the demands of your application, such as in this case. That said, I am still looking forward to the revision that you will be posting. My previous advice was part of the more common format of recommendation letters, which is why I decided to point it out to you. I am thankful for your clarification about the requirements of the application. Do it the way you were instructed to do by the application documents.

@Holt

Thank you Holt for your inputs. I just get off work, it just so busy and I haven't got the time for reply your message.

I will revise it right now, if I haven't gotten your feedback until the time I need to send it, then I will do my best with my own judgement.

@Holt

I revise my essay into only one paragraph because the prompt of the essay is to brief, I don't want to put on too much writing but out of track.

This is my revision but I think I wrote too long sentences again.

In her role as a Document Controller cum ISO Consultant in one my clients, PT. Global Link Engineering, she demonstrated that she was a good listener and able to generate effective solutions for problems encountered to the implementation team during her period of service. Combining her problem solving skills and passion in social commitment, I truly believe she is a great prospect to be a reliable mentor and coach to organizations that seek help in improving its operations management, expand and sustain their business, and grow financially. Her contributions for companies that achieved those objectives indirectly impact the increase in job employment, upgrade the managers' expertise, and urge the economic activity to be more active.

Thank you!

@Holt

On the second thought, I think this essay is better suited for the third prompt which request the leadership capacity and role in development of the society. I am confused, has this essay match with the prompt or will better suited for the other prompt. Please your guidance. Thank you very much.

@Holt

I decide to compose another essay for the prompt in this thread and will move the posted essay to new thread. Please guide me on which one is better for each prompt.

Prompt: Briefly comment on the applicant's potential to contribute to and/ or drive social change in his/her context.

Less than one year she has already fully understood the fundamental concepts of how the ISO 9001:2008 standards work and plan appropriate actions to be taken to actualize the framework into the organization. She successfully designed the procedures and documentation that meet the standard requirements and conducting independent internal audit to assess the QMS objectives achievement of each department. With her strong and never ending enthusiasm in management studies and proven abilities as a junior consultant, I believe she will become a full-fledged Management Consultant that enable her to touch and solve deeper problems in various organizations in Indonesia with cutting edge management strategies and educate managers in business management field.

Thank you!

Messal, not that you are asking but I think you should go with the third prompt about leadership for your brief response. You had the perfect response statement written out already. I am sad that you decided to change the prompt you responded to. I wish I had been here earlier so that you could have saved your time and effort in writing a new statement. The current essay that you have does not really respond to the prompt because there is no actual idea regarding your potential to enact social changes. The response you gave still veers a bit closer to the leadership response than an idea as to how you can drive social changes. My unsolicited advice is this, respond to the leadership prompt using the other version of the essay that you wrote. That is your strength and that is what you should concentrate on presenting to the reader.

Please don't feel like that Holt. You are giving much that I can't thanks enough for. :D

So you mean, the new essay I just created now is more suitable to the third prompt about leadership and the previous that I revised in new thread for the second prompt about social change?

Both of the responses that you wrote could be used for the leadership prompt. Whichever way you choose to briefly respond to the question, what is clear is that you have leadership abilities regardless of the situation that you find yourself in. If it were up to me, I would integrate the two essays to develop the best leadership response that I can. Or, if you need to pick just one, then use the first one. I mean, use the one that starts out by saying:

Less than one year she has already fully understood ...

That was perfect for the leadership prompt. However, if you want to use the second version then that works too. The final decision about which essay to use as a response is really up to you. I am just giving you my opinion. I support whichever essay you want to use.

@Holt

Okay, I will heed to your advice. I would like to make it to the best that I can, but the time is limited and I need to print this out, ask for signature then get them scanned before the printing store close.

Thank you Holt!