An Application for the World Bank Scholarship Program - most significant professional achievement

Need A Unique Advice before 8 April 2019!

The Joint Japan/World Bank Graduate Scholarship Program/JJWBGSP (Preffered Programs)
Criteria:
Two qualified assessors independently review each eligible application and score the application on a scale of 1 to 10, taking into account four main factors and the degree of cohesion among them:

Quality of Professional Experience (30% weight)
Quality of Professional Recommendations (30% weight)
Quality of Commitment to your Home Country (30% weight)
Quality of Education Background (10% weight)

Describe your most significant professional achievement and your reasons for viewing it as such.

(Limit to 300 words). *
I am honoured to involve in the process of policy development in Indonesia national level and sub-national levels. Most of important involvements include the role in the development policy of population and training deliverables in sustainable development goals (SDGs). I engaged actively in the formulation of background study on population for Indonesia's medium term development plan years of 2015-2019. In here, I vigorously supported on writing minutes of meeting, organizing expert group meeting, and developing annual report concerning the latest issues of fertility, migration, and morbidity in the country.

I also contributed in the finalization of Indonesia Population Projection Years of 2010-2035 which have become a foundation for policy formulation of health, education, employment, food and nutrition. In here, I was happy to get involved in where counterparts allocated it resources and shared their concerns for the ultimate goal of Indonesia development. Those counterparts were Ministry of National Development Planning, Central Statistics Agency, and United Nation Population Fund. The planning ministry which was my office served as main coordinator. Moreover, I contributed in the utilization of the population projection result particularly in the project design. I helped in the development of a questionnaire on measuring the utilization of population data in local development planning. Subsequently, I accompanied a senior staff to interview Head of Development Planning Agency, Surakarta City in order to obtaining how population dynamics implicated human development.

Further, I continued my career by delivering SDGs localisation training for 9 provincial governments and almost 120 municipal governments in 2018. System thinking and problem tree analysis on SDGs were applied in the training. I am very proud of this because it was almost a quarter of 514 as total of Indonesian municipal governments have joined my session on how to bridge a global development concensus with local development problems.

One essay at one time, please

I would watch out for your usage of prepositions. While your grammar is noticeably good, you have to watch out or small usage mistakes. I would suggest that you reread your essay multiple times to ensure that you do not let small slip-ups go through.

Apart from this, in terms of content, I recommend that you look into extending the substance of your essay. I would suggest that you look into adding more information as to how these professional achievements have helped Indonesia in the long run. You were already sufficient in terms of putting on the table your roles and responsibilities. However, it would be a great addition if you could expound on how you this has assisted the people of Indonesia.

Looking at the rubric, I suggest that you also expound more about how your professional work has contributed to your nationalism and love for the country. Talk about your aspirations for the country's growth - and how these have contributed to your dreams and career goals.

Thanks for your feedbacks Maria. I will post other essays in other threads.