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'artistic atmosphere' based on cultural background, and basic effects of your country



ozmaozra 1 / 2  
Apr 12, 2012   #1
This essay is written to persuade scholarship committee who really would like to trace back cultural impressions and zeal of foreign students along with their passion for Art and the answer to why a students is appropriate for this scholarship?

(Level: undergraduate of Fine Art) + ( it should be maximum 400words but it exceeds 600words!!!!)
I really appreciate your help in advance. As far as cultural reasons and any other reasons which answers why I am going abroad to study! is very important, I allocated 2-3 paragraph to it.


Please , Please .Please check it as soon as possible . I don't have much time. Thanks again:)

Having lived in an artistic atmosphere in my family has made me enthusiastic to choose Art as my profession in the rest of my life.

During recent years, we have lived in an inconstant situation in Iran. In fact this period is the best time for a big change in Iran. Ordinary people play a critical role for having a better future in Iran as much as politicians. But to improve the society we do not always have to fight physically. The most impressive factor in reform is improvement in culture, awareness and public habits. And artists are in the charge of this responsibility. Therefore I know myself responsible as both, a member of this society and an artist, to help this progress.Hardship in Iran especially in Art not only does not lead me to give up my way, but also sparks in me a flame of resistance against those who aim at disturbing Iranian identity, art and pride.

I personally have two strong reasons to go to England to study Art; first is unsuitable situations in Iran, where its well-known artists like Aydin Aghdashloo are restricted to teach in universities, where the majority of artist associations are disbanded like Iranian house of cinema while its predominant artist, Asghar Farhadi, wins the most famous awards in the world and finally where the artists are misused to be at the service of predetermined goals of government and religion. But hopefully this situation is not going to continue anymore and I should do my best for my society as an artist. The second reason is that London is one of the greatest art hubs for international artist in the world. Opportunities provided by different galleries and museums would expand my professional activities. Also England has a long history in supporting of feminism which intensively persuades me.

As far as I have always tried to not to burden my family the overwhelming expenses of education , I have attempted to earn money to support my artistic projects along with my education expenses . Study art in such prestigious university in London sounded to be an unattainable dream for me in order to undesirable current financial circumstances and rising value of pound against Iranian currency, but fortunately with achieving this wonderful scholarship my dreams will become true. If I get the full international scholarship, I will be able to reach my intent to become an outstanding artist and later a qualified art professor to return to Iran and be at the service of people who simply desire reformation and improvement.

My artistic and academic records in national and international competitions and holding different exhibitions in various mediums (as I mentioned in my CV and my website) have showed my enthusiasm and perseverance in Art. I have made my works in the lack of facilities and with the minimum of budget. In addition I have faced a lot of troubles to show off my works in public particularly in XXX which is a very religious city, but I am completely satisfied by the result of all those efforts. Hereby I hopefully state my request for this scholarship, because I firmly believe in my talent, my goal and ideals and I am able to satisfy faculty of art in University of XXX. Hope you will help me to give the best result of my efforts.

Thank you for your consideration.

jharris1125 2 / 3  
Apr 12, 2012   #2
Having lived in an artistic atmosphere in my family* this line is a bit confusing...it may be better to just say...Growing up in a artistic family helped foster my artistic development and through college i realize i want to make this a professional undertaking.

inconstant situation in Iran* inconsistent

.**Hardship in Iran ,especially in Art ,not only inspires me to never give up, but also sparks in me a flame of resistance against those who aim at disturbing Iranian identity, art and pride. ...this is a really nice line.

I personally have two strong reasons to go to England to study Art. First is the Iranian conflict, where its well-known artists like Aydin Aghdashloo are restricted to teach in universities and where the majority of artist associations are disbanded like Iranian house of cinema. Meanwhile, its predominant artist, Asghar Farhadi, wins the most famous awards in the world. Finally where the artists are misused to be at the service of governments agendas.**** this is too long of sentence

The second reason London's plethora of great art and artists. Opportunities provided by different galleries and museums would expand my professional activities. Also England long history in supporting of feminism appeals to me greatly. **

Overall its good. I would combine the 3 and 4th paragraph some how to cut down on words and the are ultimately telling the same things..why you want to go to london. i would also add more details about specific things you remember growing up that cemented your love for art. especially becasue they are asking where the zeal comes from...hope this helps
OP ozmaozra 1 / 2  
Apr 13, 2012   #3
WoW! thank you for suggesting those words. I didn't know the meaning and usage of plethora . I'll try to cut it down as you said. Please check it again when I modify.

Do you think it is boring? I should make it more impressive!!! before, I sent the admission a statement about my inspiration in art. with considering limited words up to 400, do you think I should say something about that again?

Thanks again


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