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Assist a girl out, trying to get into dream school

iSasha 8 / 11 2  
Apr 21, 2016   #1
This is for a scholarship I really want/need - How will a $3,000 scholarship for education make a difference in your life?" The student's written response must be written in English, with correct spelling and grammar, and it must not exceed 250 words

By the way, past winners have won because they wrote in a narrative, which is what I'm trying to do. I had trouble formatting the essay so please help me with that aspect as well! Thanks!!

"And the Oscar nominees for best director are...." a man, a man, another man, and a man. Where are the women? Where are the women who dedicate their lives to creating works of art for everyone to enjoy? Where are the women with enormous ideas for screenplay, cinematography, acting, and editing involved in a film? Or the women whose dreams are to accept prestigious awards due to their hard work and dedication for filmmaking? Oh right, they are not being recognized.

Now who am I supposed to look up to? As I prepare my filming equipment, gather my props and storyboards, and recruit my actors for a new film, who do I aspire to be like? The ultimate goal is to be acknowledged as a female director in the film industry, and to hopefully become the woman girls can look up to. I am passionate in filmmaking and want to pursue a career where I will be able to turn the stories swirling through my head into reality.

Although I am very committed to undertaking professional trainings to fulfill my goal to become a renowned female movie director, the expensive cost of the tuition of film schools is holding me back from doing that. I wonder how many women are also held back every year from pursuing their dreams and changing the norm of the film industry? I wonder how many women have the ability to become renowned film directors, but cannot because they do not have $3,000.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 22, 2016   #2
- As I prepare my filming equipment,
- woman, girls can look up to.
- stories, swirling

- to undertakingundertake professional
- expensive( no need to focus on the monetary value of the tuition, this is a given fact ) cost
- back from doing thatso .
- but cannot because they do not have $3,000however, I may not be able to do so without a scholarship grant .

Hi Sasha, as you can see, there's not much to correct in your essay.
Overall, it is a fairly written one, I may not be able to say, though, if this is the essay that will grant you the scholarship. Don't get me wrong it is a very creative essay, it is like reading a two way essay, like two people talking to each other. Overall, you have the skills in writing, no wonder you are pursuing films, a good film is backed by a good writer, always!

I wish you the best of luck and I hope to review, more of your essays soon.

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