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How your personal background has encouraged you to contribute to development in your country?



Alao0702 8 / 14  
Mar 25, 2018   #1

Commonwealth Personal Statement



Please supply a personal statement, of no more than 500 words, that summarizes the ways in which your personal background has encouraged you to make a contribution to development in your country. You should indicate areas in which you have already contributed, such as in overcoming any personal or community barriers to higher education.

Having being born into a family of six with limited resources, I had to live in a waste-damaged semi-urban area, where there was no awareness about the destructive effects of improper waste disposal on the environment as well as the human health. As a strong inquisitive mind, who craved for change, i was constantly bothered by a baffling question ; how do I address the unconscious threat to the environment? At college, taking environment-related subjects did not only give directions to my inquisitiveness but also provided enlightenment on suitable undergraduate program options for a successful environmental career.

My undergraduate program in Civil Engineering was a richly rewarding experience; I acquired a wealth of theoretical and practical knowledge in core topics of the environmental engineering which include; solid waste management, Air and land pollution control, water and wastewater treatment methods which formed the foundation for an advanced study in the environmental field. Studying alongside the brightest students from across the country was fascinating; it offered a profound advantage of sharing knowledge, which helped learning at a faster pace.

During my internship at a state ministry of works and transport, I gained a lot of hands-on experience in road construction and maintenance, and waste management. My involvement as the site supervisor of a road dualisation project saw the completion of the 1500 metres long road median in record time( 3 days ahead of schedule) which eventually led to the overall completion of the road construction within stipulated time.

As a way of developing the environmental skills set required to deal with trending nationwide environmental issues, I volunteered for the "My Environment is Mine Initiative (ME.MI) - an initiative created with the motive of championing a clean, healthy and sustainable environment through a synergy of environmental enthusiasts across the globe. I worked with the Environmental Community Outreach (ECO) group of the initiative to propagate, in communities, through organized seminars and lectures, the need for an eco-friendly environment in facilitating a healthy human lifestyle. As the leader of the ECO group in my locality, I was able to coordinate, through close interaction with team members, five environmental awareness campaigns to surrounding communities in a space of four weeks of my assumption of leadership. It was the highest number of environmental awareness campaign that had been made, and that had sensitized the largest population, within such a short period, since the start of the initiative.

Conclusively, I have a strong desire to create a conducive and comfortable environment for people to live in, and to improve the everyday lives of people. However, given my humble background, my plans to make purposeful impact on the environment will only be a "pipe dream" without a financial aid.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Mar 26, 2018   #2
Alao, you need to be less flowery with your presentation and more informational in content. You have to build up the discussion in relation to your work as a site supervisor and what moves you made that helped to preserve the environment in relation to waste management. More importantly, you do not really portray yourself as having to overcome any educational obstacles even though you came from a notably large family. There does not seem to be any story of hardship in your path to attain your college degree or gain relevant employment in the field. So this isn't really a very informative essay as it does not answer the most important aspects of the question, "What makes you a special candidate and how will this scholarship help you become even better?" You have delivered a very wordy essay that focuses on your accomplishments, but it accidentally made light of these achievements of yours. It almost seems, upon repeated reading, as if everything just comes naturally to you and you don't have to work towards achieving success. It just comes to you. Which doesn't make you a very good candidate for the scholarship. Your essay lacks "heart" and "personal interest perspective" stories of the emotional kind. You don't really instill a sense of "I need to care about this applicant" within the reviewer.


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