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Biomedical engineering - personal statement to apply the scholarship.

Ei Po Po Aung 1 / 1  
May 1, 2022   #1
Hello dear,
This is my personal statement to apply the Biomedical engineering field of Pusan national university.Please,give me your suggestion for my statement.Thank you.

[My statement]

My goal for studying biomedical engineering is to help the people lives especially who are under a disability , to be healthier, longer and better and to improve the healthcare system with my advance skills to biology, medicine and technology. Last year ago, my mother had a road traffic accident and she was conscious for a little while. Even I worried about head injury, CT scan said there was nothing damage but X-ray showed a green stick fracture of Tibia bone. Therefore, the doctor got a clear diagnosis and treated urgently as well. This first-hand experiment impressed on me how effective the medical devices are important in aiding the doctor's treatment procedures. After this, I suffered the pain in my left knee and I could not get specific answer from X-ray. Then, the doctor referred to take MRI scan that can detect the soft tissue in details, as a result, I knew about my anterior cruciate ligament partially tear. Now, I almost recovered by using the knee brace and taking medications. Hence, I was amazed to know and see clearly the benefits of biomedical technology in health care. These experiments were inspired me to follow the biomedical engineering field and further reinforced my interest to apply the engineering technologies in human body.

I studied the medicine over 2 years in University of Medicine (2) Yangon and I had the pause time due to pandemic and political crisis. Honestly, changing the career from familiar one to another is not easy one and takes more courage than the first time choosing for me. However, the fact that I can tell exactly is, the biomedical learning journey will be more fascinated and more suitable for me who is already stressful and exhausted even for thinking to work every single days with the sick patients.

In my young medical university days, I saw the medical devices and I knew nothing about them in detail, but, I always think what device is it, how it works and how it helps the doctors to treat the patient. After I had finished the basic science years, I got a chance to shadow at my senior's clinic. In there, I saw the sick people with atherosclerosis, valve stenosis and limb disabilities recovered and got their well-being state again with the support of vessels stent, artificial coronary valves and counterfeit hips. After deep thoughts, I amazed and my interest became more intense about the importance of medical equipment and I was aware the role of Biomedical engineer and what if the medical devices are not innovated.

As I mentioned above my previous educational background, I was so keen to learn the science subjects since my high school and it made to sooth my medical journey for studying Chemistry, Physics , Math, Biology and integrated learning of Anatomy, Physiology, Biochemistry, Pathology, Immunology and medicine. Although the first reason why I reached the medical university is partly of my parent's desire, my curiosity to science and my selfmotivation controlled and led me to pass all the exams. Alongside my academic years, I actively participated in University Photographer club and I involved as a coach in university photography competition. I found it was super thrilling and challenging to work as a team and I could learn how to incorporate with an organization and how to analyze the task in order to get a perfect reward at the end. I also involved as a volunteer in my senior's free medical care team on every December and April holidays; as a result, my improving skills how to communicate with the doctors, patients and co-workers build me to be more flexible, sociable and adaptable person to learn new skills as well. Likewise, I also enjoy drawing the realistic portrait that trained me to recognize every detail chores in my life. As all of you know, Myanmar's political situation is so messy and the only thing we have is uncertain future. Even so, I try as much as I can to get the opportunities and a bright future. That is the reason why I 100% trust my self-motivation and resilience to overcome the obstacles that I have to encounter in my new field.

I assure you, not only my curiosity to learn more about the sciences and to apply it on human body in such a way to engineer but also my craving for being a biomedical engineer that initiated since my first-hand experiment and coupled with my medicine background, the soft skills that I have been learning in my life would shape me as an outstanding biomedical engineer if I fortunate to learn your quality education.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,898 4569  
May 1, 2022   #2
The writer must revise the personal statement to indicate a clear reference to his entering into the world of medical science because of the desire of his parents. He must connect his parents interest in having a medical doctor for a child with the inspiration he got from his mother's accident. Only through the clear connection of these 2 considerations will his reference to his parent's desire later on in the essay make sense.

He must revise his essay for content and discussion references as well. He must outline his essay first to create a discussion process for his presentation. It is currently difficult to follow his personal statement because of the lack of editing, proofreading, and grammar correction in his presentation. Several English words are used out of context that make the reference difficult for the reader to understand.
OP Ei Po Po Aung 1 / 1  
May 1, 2022   #3
Thank you so much for you specific suggestions.
I will revise carefully again.

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