Brown Fellows Program draft to pursue a leadership project

the evil Dowry tradition in Nepal

Each student selected for the brown fellows program will have mentoring and financial support to pursue a leadership project developed and implemented over the course of several summers. Projects will have local, national, and/or international components. The brown fellows selection committee is interested in how you might approach planning such a project and what kind of work you might pursue. For this essay, imagine a project you might undertake as a brown fellow. For the purpose of this essay, what you can do is limited only by the scope of your imagination. Please be specific and concrete as possible, writing as if you were submitting a proposal you intend to follow. After all, you very well may! (help me edit)

Given the opportunity to pursue my own project implemented over different courses of summers, I would choose to return to the south region of Nepal to help eradicate the prevailing Dowry tradition, an evil that has distorted the sex ratio and has given rise to millions of female feticides over the decades in the country.

Dowry is often seen as a reason to consider a newly born girl more as a burden than a happiness, the reason to commemorate than to thank a mother on the birth of her new baby. The reason why that girl will spend the rest of her life doing household chores rather than getting a good education.

My inspiration to pursue this specific project arises from the point in my childhood when I had to encounter the marriage of my own cousin sister in which her family was required to donate 8 acres land, one Maruti Suzuki car, one Hero Honda motorcycle, four Sofas, a double bed, a refrigerator, a washing machine, and four sets of cell phone leaving them with nothing but a piece of land to survive on. However, this was not the end. The groom's family tortured my sister after her marriage to ask for more dowry with her family which ultimately became the only reason for the death of my uncle ( he suffered heart attack).

In order to eliminate dowry from Nepalese society, one needs to strike at the root of the problem which, I believe, is the gender discrimination. In the past, dowry must have been seen as an alternate to giving equal share of property to girl child. However, this tradition failed to update with time and, thus, invited a dozens of other painful consequences along with it such as wife battering, physical and mental assaults, sexual harassment, and bride burning.

I believe that, with the funding and mentoring support I will be receiving through the Brown fellows program, I can hit the root of the problem by educating people about the consequences of dowry problem on three levels.

Firstly, on the parts of parents they can make sure to see that their property is divided equally between their sons and daughters and no preference is given to a specific gender. I intend to aware them to invest their money in educating their daughters and make them financially independent than to save up the money for their dowry.

On the part of daughters, slogans and posters can be made depicting the serious consequences of dowry to aware them not to proceed with such wedding where there is a financial demand kept forward by the groom's family. They will be taught not to keep quite but to file complaints against the family who demand dowry so as to save the lives of other innocent families. In Nepal, not many people are aware of the equal property right law. So, I will help to aware girls about this law at a local and national level so that girls can make sure that they receive equal share of property from their parents and gender discrimination comes to an end.

On the part of sons and brothers, I intend to impart education advising them not to marry if their family members demand dowry from the bride's family. In addition, they can also check that their sisters receive equal share in the property of their parents and not promote gender discrimination.

I am the next generation, so the change must start from me. I acknowledge that this change cannot happen immediately. For change to happen, work needs to be implemented at various levels and, I believe, with Brown fellows program, the change is not much far away.

Shivani, your proposal isn't really that impressive. It is more of a narrative than an actual project proposal. Since this will be your thesis paper for college, you should present it in the formal academic tone. That means that is should be composed of the following components:

1. The problem you wish to solve
2. The relevance of the problem you wish to solve on a local or international scale
3. The methods by which you hope to research the issue
4. The research implementation procedure (concentrate on highlighting your leadership of the said project)
5. The potential results you hope to achieve
6. The length of time you expect to need to complete the leadership project.
7. The divisions of the work based on the summer schedule

Make your proposal formal. Follow the academic format for submitting your thesis statement. Engage the reviewer by presenting an interesting problem that can have international relevance towards the end of your essay. If the problem is too localized, such as the dowry system, there may be a problem impressing the reviewer because, as far as I can tell from your current presentation, you will not be able to present the character traits that the Brown Fellowship requires. These traits are: Scholarship , Leadership, Accountability, Drive.

Review your essay, it doesn't really project these traits in the strongest manner due to the localized topic you have chosen to present. Choose a topic that is big, with international benefits if possible. Think out of the box, out of your comfort zone. Do something that will make the reviewer think, "I never thought of that! This kid has a point. Maybe I should give her a shot."

I guess this tradition has relevance in most parts of Asia. Can I make the topic better or should I drop this idea at all ?

Help me Holt !

Bear in mind that I can only advice you regarding this essay. That said, you are the only one who can decide if you think this essay has the potential to become the kind of essay that you need or if you should replace the topic with a different one. Right now, I can only offer you my opinion as to how you might be able to improve this essay.

Since the coverage of the dowry problem is within the Asian region, it can be considered international to a certain extent. Think of it in terms of the problem that exists in your country and how you can lay the foundation for the solution to the problem. That can be discussed as the first component of the thesis. That will be implemented over one summer. Then say that the solution to the problem will be developed during the regular year. The solution can be in terms of a foundation that will help women escape the dowry system. Think of how these women can be removed from that setting, that will be phase 2. Phase 2, will be the establishment of the foundation and its simple assistance through educating women about the evils of the dowry system in your country. Phase 3, will be planned during the regular year again and implemented over the summer. It will consist of your trying to win financing for your foundation through donors and sponsors during the year for the implementation of bigger assistance projects during that summer. Phase 4, will be the planning and launching of the international arm of your foundation in one or two more countries using an expanded anti-dowry program.

Try to use my suggestions to create your plan of action for this thesis. You know how to write a project proposal right? That is how the suggestions above should be formatted. The specifics will be up to you. Again, these are my suggestions and you have the option to not follow them if you feel that you want to go in another direction. The final decision is yours. I'll help you with your paper regardless of your decision for as long as you want or need my help.

So, here goes my second version with the guidelines you provided:

In most part of the rural Nepal, dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal. As per the definition, 'Dowry' refers to the durable goods, cash, and real or movable property that the bride's family gives to the bridegroom, his parents, or his relatives as a condition of the marriage. In many of the cases, disputes related to dowry among family members has acted as a major reason for violence against women, including bride burning, acid attacks, wife battering, sexual harassments, and mental assaults. My research proposal intends to help girls to get out of the vicious circle of dowry tradition and gender discrimination in which they are already in or might get in over the course of four summers.

The first two summers, I will held sessions of awareness campaigns, spreading general education about the evils of dowry tradition through slogans, posters, and speeches. Women will be removed from that settings by eliminating the root cause of the problem that is, I believe, gender discrimination. In Nepalese societies, giving dowry has been seen as compensating the girl child for the share of parent's property. So, educating Nepalese about the equal property right division law, the newly formed law in the new constitution, will also be worth conducting. While the task of educating the girls and her family members will be conducted over the summers, I, along with my team members, will pay an equal attention to the development of solutions to the problem during the regular year.

The preparation for the third summer will start immediately after the completion of the second one. The third year will be the vital one because that will be when I will try win financing for my foundation through some more donors and sponsors during the year for the implementation of bigger assistance projects during that summer. The third summer will be spreading awareness about the importance of education to girls to all the members of society so as to save to become financially independent in the near future.

In the final summer, I intend to plan and launch the international arm of my foundation in the neighboring Asian nations including India and Bangladesh using an expanded anti-dowry program.The result that I hope to receive on the completion of this project would be a dowry-free Nepal, a place where women will no longer be sold to the groom's family and where they can enjoy their life free of violence. Dowry holds its relevance in patrilineal societies of Asia, Northern Africa, and the Balkans .The next generation should try to change the trend.

Please help me edit.....

Shivi, you need to indicate examples of the anti-dowry projects that you hope to implement using the donor money that yo can collect. It is also important that you present the intention of partnering up with some women's rights groups or organizations that can help you better achieve your information dissemination and anti-dowry rescue programs in your areas of concern. That is one way of showing your leadership skills through partnerships that will place you at the head of the programs. Explain some of the big ticket projects that you plan to implement in order to call attention to your group and your cause. If possible, create a tentative name for your group that will align with the mission, vision, and objectives that you have related in this essay.

This is my first research proposal and you have really helped me a lot.I don't have words to thank you Holt ! So, this is my third version of my draft which includes your directions.Help me to improve my language .Please check this Holt!!

And I didn't get this thing you said :"Explain some of the big ticket projects that you plan to implement in order to call attention to your group and your cause."What do I include?

Shivi, what I mean by "big ticket items" is that you need to explain any projects that you plan to implement through your foundation. Like, if you collect funds, you can say that will you use it to offer loans to women of sorry age so they can take care of themselves without having their families sell them to men. Or you can start a safe house for your project to project women who ran away to avoid dowry marriages. The funds, and part of your summer project will be to start training programs so they can learn skills that will help them support themselves. These are projects you can also do in cooperation with other foundations in forms of partnerships. You may need to adjust certain content of paragraphs in your essay to prevent these information in an accurate and impressive manner.

I proofread your paper and came up with the following corrections. I hope it helps.

In paragraph one, you used the word "most" which indicates a plural form so the word "part" should also be in the plural form "parts". The last sentence should state "... over the course of four summers" instead. In the next paragraph, correct the first sentence to say "... will be conducted over a period of summers". From this point on, you should use the future tense for your descriptive words as these are all actions that are still to take place. It is something to be done in the future, hence the future tense for the words must be constantly used. Give an explanation of the property division law and its relevance to your anti-dowry campaign as well. The reviewer has no idea what you are talking about so you have to enlighten him about that law in relation to your project plans. Be consistent in writing the name of your organization. Remember the capitalization rules for proper nouns and stick with it. About microfinancing, you should revise the sentence to indicate "I intend to assist women through microfinancing..." I don't think you mean to say "sorry age". I think you meant "Dowry age"? You plan to create "a dowry-free country..."

In most parts of the rural Nepal, dowries continue to be expected, and demanded as a condition to accept a marriage proposal. As per the definition, 'Dowry' refers to the durable goods, cash, and real or movable property that the bride's family gives to the bridegroom, his parents, or his relatives as a condition of the marriage. In many of the cases, disputes related to dowry among family members has acted as a major reason for violence against women, including bride burning, acid attacks, wife battering, sexual harassments, and mental assaults. My research proposal intends to help girls to get out of the vicious circle of dowry tradition and gender discrimination in which they are already in or might get in. The length of the time required to complete my project (My bright future) would be over the courses of four summers.

While the task of educating the girls and her family members will be conducted over a period of summers, I, along with my team members, will pay an equal attention to the development of solutions to the problem during the regular year. The first two summers, I will held sessions of awareness campaigns spreading general education about the evils of dowry tradition in four neighboring villages of Southern Nepal through speeches against dowry tradition. 'My bright future' project will help remove women from the dowry settings by eliminating the root cause of the problem that is, I believe, gender discrimination through the establishment of a tuition free school at the center of the villages I work in. That will be a school where girls will learn to become financially independent in their future.

In Nepalese societies, giving dowry is often seen as compensating the girl child for the share of parent's property received by the male child. Thus, 'My bright future' will held sessions of education campaigns to educate Nepalese about the equal property division law according to which son and daughter will be given equal preference in the parental property division process. Through My Bright Future, I would try to reach some of encourage Nepalese to take anti-dowry pledge to support my anti-dowry project.

The preparation for the third summer will start aftermath the completion of the second one. The third year of my college will be the vital one because that will be when I will try to win financing for my foundation through some more donors and sponsors during the year for the implementation of bigger assistance projects during that summer. I will also look up for partnering 'My bright future' with some of the women's right organization so that I can better achieve my information dissemination and anti-dowry rescue programs in the parts of southern Nepal. With the monetary and mentoring supports I receive from Brown fellows program and from the outside sponsors, I intend assist women through micro financing by offering loans to women of dowry age so that they can take care of themselves without having to depend on anybody else or without having their families sell them to groom's family. In the following summer, while I will reach more villages and establish three more schools in the rural areas of Nepal, I will also spread awareness about evils of dowry by including more mediums, including slogans, posters, and graffiti.

Towards the end of the project, 'My bright future' aims to establish safe houses for women who ran away to escape dowry marriage. It also looks forward to plan and launch the international arm of my foundation in the Northern parts of Nepal using an expanded anti-dowry program, thereby continuing its work in southern Nepal of spreading awareness and conducting training programs. The ultimate result I hope to receive on the completion of this project would be to see a dowry-free country where bride will not be sold any more. A place where women can enjoy their life free of violence. A world of bright future for women in the rural Nepal.

Is this ready for submission Holt?

Shivi, you need to review the corrections that I indicated in the previous thread. You missed a few of the points I highlighted. This essay is actually almost ready to use. The only remaining part to complete will be the grammar corrections I listed in my previous response. Apply all of the corrections. Double check the correction instructions after you complete the missing corrections. Once you see that you have completed all of the changes required, the essay will be ready for submission. I don't see any other aspect that can be changed, improved, or replaced. This is the best essay that you can submit to the reviewer. Rest assured that you have done your best and your hard work is reflected in the research proposal you developed. I wish you the best. Do let us know how the application goes for you.