Here is my essay on Career Plan, please help me review the last time before submitting. Thank you so much for reading
My plans for further career
One of the biggest barriers to online education in XX is the manpower specialized in E-learning, who responsible not only to involve in assessing students' educational needs and matching those needs with appropriate technologies, but also identify, design, and effectively incorporate technology plans and tools to develop and enhance curriculum for a virtual learning environment. Another significant barrier in the development and promotion of modern education is the limitations in cognitive thinking and technology use skills of both instructors and learners, as not many of them willing to adopt the new learning environment.
Therefore, my first objective upon completion of the Master will be continuing my work at the YYY in XX, where I can apply the knowledge and experience gained from my study for innovation in teaching and learning in the different educational settings. As one of the largest private educational organizations in XX, YY provides a variety of educational services across XX, from English language training, K-12 solutions, vocational education, higher education and especially, Ed-tech solutions. I am seeing myself as a "Learning Design and Technology Specialist", rotating at different branches, provide feedback and recommendations into the continuous improvement of all training resources and the user experience for both instructors and students. This will help me to share my knowledge and skills obtained from the UK as well as learn from other professionals in the Group. At the same time, I will have an opportunity to participate in research work in Educational Technologies, emphasize different approaches of ICT tools and techniques appropriate to the learners' needs.
Five-year post-graduation, I am planning to pursue doctoral studies in Education, focus on a critical understanding of technology within online education teaching and learning as well as an understanding of learner analytical dashboards in online education. I know that my work only is not enough to change prejudice about online learning, therefore I hope to inspire and contribute to the training of a new generation of ed-tech experts for XX. I will do this by assuming the lecturer position and further as an advisor in both public and private institutes, where I hope to contribute to give people a better view of online learning and the need to apply technology in teaching and learning in the industrial age 4.0.
In a longer-term, maybe ten years, I hope to be part of the program development board to develop and successfully implement the first Bachelor degree in Education Technology in XX. This will not only provide formal systematic training in educational technology but also open up opportunities for transition to developed countries, especially the UK.
By equipping scholars with education and networking experience, the Chevening award can benefit this movement and help XX to join the global current of education development. By following this career progression, it will be possible to make necessary adjustments based on my experience and the prevailing circumstances.@ntlinhtran
Hi there. Thanks for being in the forum. I will provide you with feedback that'll hopefully help you in your writing endeavors for this essay. Please do not hesitate to approach us should you have more questions.
Firstly, that first paragraph needs to have its sentences trimmed a bit more. If we take a look at the first paragraph, it was quite obvious how you could have opted to separate the different thought processes that exist in the first paragraph. What I do recommend is if you are able to show in this part a single cohesive theme that will be reflected throughout the rest of your writing.
Furthermore, the next paragraphs also need to be treated with the same regard. The second paragraph, for instance, needs to be compartmentalized a bit more. For example, if in a specific part of the text you aim to tackle education, try sticking with an umbrella method. Try to give out a line that will reflect this before slowly moving into specifics. If you can do this, it will help you writing tremendously in the long-run.
