Chevening Career Plan - to make our nation one step forward through science and technology policy

Hello.
I am now on preparing some essays related with Chevening Scholarship.
I hope you to review my essay.

Thank you.

[Instruction]
Career Plan Question

[My Essay]

Research and development (R&D)

Although our nation's R&D investment is steadily increasing, R&D policy have still focused on solving the gap of technology with developed countries. However, unlike in the past, in a situation where the gap with developed countries is greatly reduced, research and development policy should forward to develop new technologies. I am currently a member of a ministry responsible for the science and technology policy of our country and will still be working in the same ministry after returning from the training. Therefore, there is always a need to think about how to establish an innovative policy.

While studying in the UK, I will study the process of policy making of developed countries, and outcomes and problems when implementating policy. In particular, I was already given a detailed task from my ministry on 'Establishment of Science and Technology Policy to Improve the Quality of the National Life'. Thus,soon after returning from the UK, I will submit a policy proposal to our government based on what I have studied, and I will work at the relevant departments to ensure that this is implemented as a policy.

Specifically, based on the knowledge gained during the training period, I will establish a science and technology policy aimed at finding out things which people feel uncomfortable in daily life(for example, How to reduce fine dust using science and technology) and solving that problems. Of course, our government is already executing a national project which is related with finding social problems and solve them. I will try to make the present policy richer based on the expertise which is expected to learn after the training, and as a result, I want to make our nation's people feel happy by science and technology.

From a long-term perspective, I would like to make our nation one step forward through science and technology policy. As an example, I worked in the department of nuclear research and development over three years. At that time, I realized that the technology to control nuclear is more important than the use of it. It is expected to take a long time, but I want to contribute to build certain environment and infrastructure in order to enable the development of technologies that can be safely dismantled after using nuclear facilities.

Taekun, the first half of your essay is irrelevant as that is part of your study goals. It is the second half of your essay, the one that deals with your assignment from your office, that directly relates to the prompt requirement. It is the actual post study / career plan that you are lucky to have been assigned by your office. While others needed to develop their career plan from scratch, you had yours handed to you. Consider yourself lucky indeed. Now, the only aspect of this essay that needs to be represented, as per the prompt requirement is the part about how the UK projects in your country can help you better fulfill the needs of your post study / career goal. This will require you to get in touch with your office and ask someone there about the possibility of either continuing an existing cooperation project between your country and the UK or, if there is a way that your assigned project can use the help of the UK government. Then you can write the corresponding paragraph that relates to that prompt requirement. So, the first thing you need to do is remove the first part of the essay and the second, is research the way the UK government can help you complete your post study project.

Please find below corrections.

and outcomes and problems when implementating implementingpolicy
related with tofinding social problems and solve them

There are only 2 more corrections for this essay before we can consider it in its final form. The first, is that you remove the first sentence in the first paragraph that explains "During my study..." because that is information you have already presented to the reviewer in your study goal / plan. Instead, merge the rest of paragraph one with paragraph two. This will create a more interesting read for the reviewer because it discusses a specific plan that has been handed to you for realization by your office.

After that, in the final paragraph, try to do some research about which specific organization or department of the UK government is working with your office. Try to understand what projects they collaborate on and then based you cooperative proposal on that. You need to mention the specific UK office that you will be working with in order to allow the reviewer an opportunity to verify if your proposal will be something that can actually be approved and implemented on the UK end.

@ilskyilsky

Is there any applicative or implemented actions before, that you did, related to your career plan? I cant see it.
About career plan, I think reviewer will see the consistency of applicant. The consistency of what were they doing, and give real example. So, they can measure how good you are.

Maybe 5W+1H will be helpful, Tae!

Cheers :))

@sehatdinati
The essay looks alright. I would advise to expand on career plans and talk in depth how it would change your study project