Hey, it's the first that i post and i really need feedbacks about my essay. could you please help me
3 British Universities Course choice
Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future. Please do not duplicate the information you have entered on the work experience and education section of this form (minimum: 100 words, maximum: 500 words)
In a world where nothing can be easily acquired and also cannot be totally under control, I took the only thing I could control of my education: my success in my studies.
That's why I chose the UK for an MSC. As I know, the United Kingdom is the center of world civilization and many famous universities have been organized there. This proves that the United Kingdom has been a great civilization ever since. So, this could be a reason why I participate in the Chevening program, which offers a scholarship to study in the UK, especially for an MSC.
I am convinced that thanks to my determination, hard work, self-confidence and academic background, I can succeed in one of the three programs I selected:
-My first choice and the MSC that I am looking forward to have it is in the University of Exeter Business School, specially the MSc Financial Analysis and Fund Management. This MSC is very interesting and I sure that it is the best that I can do to begin my career as a financial analyst. This Program is one of a limited number of programs globally, which has been awarded CFA 'University Affiliation Program' Status. In addition, I will have the opportunity to study for both Level I and II of the CFA examinations, meaning I could work towards a second qualification in addition to my MSc.
-My second choice is Loughborough University School of Business and Economics Finance and Investment. It is an applied program that provides students with the knowledge and skills to take on investment roles.
-My third choice is Nottingham Business School, Nottingham Trent University MSc Finance and Investment Banking. This course will teach me how to analyze and evaluate investment products, analyze critical information about derivatives markets and portfolio and investment management, explore how the markets, their major participants and the markets operate, while developing a solid understanding of corporate finance, basic accounting and financial analysis.
I can explain my choices, due to the fact that this programs contains curses like Financial Modelling, Investment Research Methods, Alternative Investments which make it very complete and very interesting if I want to have a career as a financial analyst.
The skills I would learn in these programs are universal and would be of great help to the financial industry in Tunisia, and I know that I will acquire the skills necessary to achieve my goals. In addition, I hope to share my experience and, in the future, to contribute to the cooperation between the United Kingdom and Tunisia.@jhonb
Hey, welcome to the forum! I apologize for the slight delay. But, here's my feedback on your writing!
Firstly, before you start utilizing acronyms, it's always part of professional or academic writing to integrate the longer versions. This is just a reminder as you cannot take the short way out of this.
I also find that the structure and organization of your essay is quite baffling. The introductory paragraph, while it was great value-wise, does not present any solid evidences regarding the flow of writing (and the intention). Try to focus on introducing the fundamental first before proceeding to any semantics. This way, you'll have a more structured approach to writing.
