choices for study
My first choice is studying, "Urban Planning - Development and Transitional Regions" in university of Oxford Brookes. When I was studying civil engineering at the result of interests in urban sector I chose my thesis topic related to urban sector and its challenges in Afghanistan, "Remote sensing and GIS application in mapping" doing this research with specialization in Afghanistan was my first experience of researching in urban sector, it made me aware about importance and need of researching in urban sector of Afghanistan. As part of my studying in urban planning field in university of Oxford Brookes, I will learn and develop my knowledge of research methods and methodology.
Moreover, by using opportunities such as forum of debate about research as well as giving students the opportunity to gain practical skill from this university, I will be more prepared to do important researches in urban sector.
In addition, as part of elective subjects in urban planning department of Oxford Brookes university, I will choose to study, "GIS and Environmental Assessment" and, "Statistical Research Using SPSS" to add in my information, knowledge and experience of GIS applications and SPSS in researches. In the other side, as this urban planning in this university is accredited by, "Royal Institute of chartered Surveyors (RICS)" and," Royal Town Planning Institute (RTPI)" I will use this chance and try to get full membership of these institutes and use all opportunities in the institutes for my career. Upon returning with skills and experiences that I will gain according to aforementioned opportunities in UK, I will be prepared to establish my research NGO in urban sector and do important and necessary researches in urban sector to find solutions for existence challenges.
My second choice is studying, "MA Town and Regional Planning" in the university of Sheffield. It's almost in the same line of work as my previous work. After graduation while I was working in a National Program in Ghor province I could for the first time establish a private organization named, "Shahrara Engineering Services" where I and my co-workers are providing all types of plans including architectural plans for customers. During working in the organization I could get elementary experiences of special planning and urban design, but it is not enough for me and the community, what I need is to study more in this area. During studying in this field I will learn perspectives on spatial planning, issues in housing, sustainable development in practice, skills for urban design and advanced software which will provide me with the knowledge and skills to work in planning and investing in the spaces where we live.
Thirdly, I have chosen Urban Planning in the University of West of England. During working in Ghor Urban Development and Housing Department I was member of a topographic survey team for making Firozkoh city master plan. I got the elementary experience of making master plans and its challenges. After completion of my master's degree in this field I will be more prepared in transport policy and plan making including conceiving, development, and writing plans for a range of spatial scales.
I believed the writing will be more easier to understand if you outline the bigger picture first before exploring your choice of study.
If I was not mistaken, your first paragraph actually explain your interest in urban planning. Then you choose 3 different university all majoring in urban planning.
I think your essay would be more stand up if you explain why you choose that university.
I mean you can also explain how good your chosen institution to your background.
in your essay, you are just explaining generally about the major you choose, get more specific why you must study in the UK.
Overall your essay is good for me. good luck
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,667 3487
Naseer, you need to revise the content of your essay. Start a new version because this version is inadequate when compared to the prompt requirements. Before you discuss the universities you have chosen and the corresponding courses, you first need to make sure that you have the adequate educational and professional background to complete the task. That is why you are required to give an independent discussion of your academic and professional foundation in relation to your desire to study one of the three masters degree courses. You have managed to represent the career advancement and opportunities that the masters courses will allow you to achieve. Therefore, the only remaining portion for development is the overall discussion of your academic and professional foundation. You will need to cut down on some of the presentation in each university paragraph so that you don't go over the maximum word count. It might be better for you in the end if you just write a new essay so that you can have better control over the word count. Additionally, writing a new essay will allow you to better format the presentation into a more interesting read.
Here are some corrections:
On the other side
in the UK
I was a member of
Firozkoh city master plans
I'm not sure if it is correct to use plan in something, you usually plan to do or plan on doing
As also sgassani mentioned in his/her post, I think it is better to tell about yourself and then bring forward the university you have chosen.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,667 3487
Nasser, save for the tense usage problem in this essay the content is acceptable as final for the discussion. You need to replace all instances of the word "could" in your opening statement with a reference to "have" as you underwent the activity in the past and therefore, already have an existing knowledge in that area. Also, in your first choice, change the term "according to my past experiences" to "based upon my previous academic and professional experiences..." That sounds more academic and is properly structured in terms of grammar and sentence development. The essay seems to be hanging a bit as I read it. Kind of like there is something missing at the end. Try to add a simple closing paragraph that reiterates your desire to see any of these academic plans come forth for you with the help of Chevening during the upcoming semester. This is already a strong statement that just needs a little grammar revision in order to make the reading smoother and more understandable to the reader. Good work. Just make the changes I suggested and use the essay. No need to ask for my final approval.