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nabhila 3 / 5 3  
Jun 28, 2020   #1

Why Master of Commerce at unsw?

I choose Master of Commerce at The University of New South Wales (UNSW) because it offers a tailored need program for one's career advancement by providing a lot of elective courses since the first semester and ends it with capstone courses that can tie up all the previous learnings into concrete actions. However, what sets UNSW Master of Commerce apart from other programs, is the wide and unique spectrums of 18 specializations that aren't commonly offered in other places including for which students need to elect 2 studies from the options. This unique program include purpose led study of Innovation & Entrepreneurship and tech study of Enterprise System & Business Design, both intersect perfectly with my lifelong dream to promote more of Indonesian local brand by creating a business aggregator for Small Scale Industries (SSI).

Years of working as a brand manager, I've always treated myself as a business owner to actively seeking ways to grow the business. Something I desire to continue doing but on a bigger scale by developing emerging SSI that can directly contribute to Indonesia's economy. However, despite constituting 98% of Indonesian business units only a few micro and small enterprises able to scale up their size due to insufficient understanding towards market access, funding, and including fears towards taxation, which consequently lead to short-term business model. My ambition is to replicate more of Kecap Bango & Indomie's success stories, one of the most sought after local brands that were once MSME's home industry products.

As an alternative, I also choose Master of Enterprise at Melbourne University which offer a similar syllabus with UNSW Master of Commerce Innovation & Entrepreneurship study specialization.
ros4nna 1 / 5  
Jun 28, 2020   #2
Hi Nabhila

I try to give a little feedback I got from this forum also. One thing that got my attention is that you have to explain why you choose your second choice university. You can not just say that they have a similar courses. Tell the reviewer the difference between those two universities and why did you choose two of them.

Hope this help. Good luck!
OP nabhila 3 / 5 3  
Jun 28, 2020   #3
@ros4nna hi rosanna, really appreciate your prompt review on my essay. thanks! great input btw :)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Jun 29, 2020   #4
The first paragraph sounds more like you are just repeating known information about the course curriculum. It could even be mistaken for being a direct cut and paste from the university website. It doesn't truly reflect the reasons as to why you chose the course and university in relation to career requirements. Your second paragraph should be taken out and used in the career goal statement instead. The second university choice is too brief to make this a usable response statement. In other words, you do not have a usable response essay at this point.

The reason you chose the course must have something to do with your academic goals and professional considerations. As you are seen by the scholarship as a future leader in this field, you should be able to justify your skills training in relation to your career aspirations. Consider how well you do your job now and how you have room for improvement. It is the room for improvement part that should be the basis of the course choice. Each university course should address a different skill for improvement on your part. You need to build up your second course and university choice because at this point, it doesn't tell the reviewer anything about your choice procedure that would convince him you are going to be a serious masters degree student.

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