I chose to study renewable and sustainable energy at Murdoch University - Endeavour essay

Hi guys, I am new here and I'm applying for Endeavor scholarship. I would be glad if someone could read and points out what I could improve. Thks :)

Endeavour Scholarship and Fellowship - Essay

Please summarise, in words that can be understood by a person outside your field, details of your proposed leadership activity, why you chose your proposed host organization and what your proposed leadership activity is intended to achieve. Also provide details, including proposed dates and locations of any proposed fieldwork and/or internships.

I chose to study Renewable and sustainable energy at Murdoch University, starting from June 2019.

My proposed leadership activity offers advanced training in the area of renewable and sustainable energy systems, energy efficiency and carbon management. Sustainable energy can be defined as the type of energy that is produced from resources that are replenished on a human timescale and produce low or none emission of pollutants. These resources could be sunlight, wind, rain, tides, waves, biomass and geothermal heat. So, this program aims to describe and discuss the different characteristics of each renewable resources and teach future students to recognize the potential application of these resources to the varying needs of modern society in order to increase sustainable energy production. Another proposed outcome is to provide students with a better understanding of carbon management and encourage them to find viable solutions to control carbon emission. At the end of this program, it is expected that students learn to cope and manage different type of sustainable systems in order to enhance energy production in all sector of the economy. This program also intends to develop in their student a better understanding of methodologies and technologies that are used in the area of renewable and sustainable energy systems and encourage them to seek technological innovation in the area of renewable energy and carbon management.

On my last year of studies, I am planning to do a research project with some regional companies to develop tools to measure their carbon footprint and look for solutions to reduce their carbon emission. I also intend to work with some companies related to renewable energy in order to put into practice the analysis of sustainable energy systems and methods to enhance its efficiency.

I chose Murdoch University because this institution support and encourage their students to search for innovative ideas to be applied in the area they had chosen. Besides, Murdoch University not only has a great teaching reputation, but it also has a great number of international students which provide a more diversity and inclusive environment. Another reason that made me apply for this institution was the fact Murdoch has on campus a scaled engineering plant and equipment that will help me to develop practical skills in the area of renewable energy.

Luisa, rather than explaining what renewable energy sources are, you should be explaining where you plan to do the research instead. As you are asking to be considered for admission to a course that focuses on renewable energy sources, you should be adding information about the possible internship that is attached to the program. If you truly thought out the research that you wish to do, then you would have considered where and how the research will take place as well. Mention if the university will sponsor your research undertaking by referring your to companies or if they have an internship program at energy companies and corporations that you can take advantage of in line with your research.

Based on the outline for the information in the prompt, it appears that your essay will be better served if you placed the information about Murdoch University at the top of the essay, as the first paragraph. That way your discussion follows a clear system of discussion based upon the listing in the prompt presentation. However, I find that your reason for university choice is a little on the simple side. You need to give a more profession related reason for your choice. Something along the lines of Murdoch having a concentration on a specific renewable energy field that you hope to install in your country upon your return, or something along those lines. That way, when you discuss the proposed outcomes and related topics, the reasons for your university choice become better supported and clearer to the reviewer.

Thank you very much for all these tips. I really appreciated it. I will do as you said and try to give more emphasis on the internship.