Goal of study
First of all, there are five big islands in Indonesia, namely Java, Papua, Kalimantan, Sumatra, and Sulawesi. Each of these islands has its advantages. The island of Sulawesi, where I live, has advantages in renewable energy power sources. There are three renewable power plants; Hydroelectric power plants are found in many parts of Indonesia, solar power plants, which, according to the Republic of Indonesia press release, are used according to the ministry of energy and mineral resources. Number: 122. pers / 04 / SJI / 2020 Date: March 14, 2020, that Sulawesi has the largest solar panel field in Indonesia, and there are only two wind power plants in all of Indonesia, and even that it is located in Sulawesi.
I explained to the data above that Sulawesi will become the source of renewable energy in Indonesia in the future. Therefore, research is needed to develop renewable energy technology in Indonesia regarding science, methods, and techniques. Material science and engineering as the basis of all technology are required to support this development. As one of the countries with the best academics, Korea has researched many new materials in this sector. So that by continuing my studies in Korea, I can use the knowledge I got there to develop renewable energy technology.
One at a time.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,700 3784
You have too much of a background presentation in relation to the government plans. This is relevant to the purpose but not the goal of study. Your goal of study should be relevant to the course you will be taking as it applies to your participation goal in the goverment program. offa lack of these information creates a non-applicable essay. It is an empty representation of the goverment programs as you do not outline a clear study and learning path for yourself. This work must be deleted. No portion can be used in the next version as there are specific study paths required for the reviewers consideration.
Hi @salimakmur. maybe you can give a more explanation why you choose those study and you can explain the relation of your background study with your purpose study.
best luck for your admission
Thank you for the feedback. It helps me a lot. @mad_amran @Holt
My goal for continuing my study in Korea is to learn High Entropy Alloys (HEAs). "Everything is made of something," and we called that something is material. Every new material brings us to the new age of technology: stones ages, iron ages, bronze ages. From this, we can see the importance of the material in our history. The new era of technologies always starts with the new material that can sustain the technologies leap. More diverse research about materials is held to support the need for the latest technologies (e.g., metals, polymers, ceramics, liquid crystals, composites).
Interestingly, the new metal material called High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) emerges from material and science engineering research in 2004 by professor Jien-Wei Yeh. In the last few years, High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) have become one of the most popular research areas because the material shows an outstanding mechanical property for the future of material. However, there is not much research on this material in Indonesia because of many other reasons like technical difficulty, experience, and fundamentals understanding. In this case, Korea is one of the countries focusing on finding new material for the future with much more research and knowledge. I am interested in prof Hyoung Seop Kim from POSTECH (Pohang University of Science and Technology), Structural Nano Metals Processing Lab. Prof Hyoung Seop Kim is a pioneer researcher in High Entropy Alloys (HEAs). From the paper by prof Hyoung Seop Kim that I have been read. He is researching how to strengthing the High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) using severe plastic deformation, annealing, hot rolled, cold rolled, the addition of another element ( Co, Si, and V), and high-pressure torsion.
The research paper by prof Hyoung Seop Kim mostly tries strengthing the High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) from the inside by making the best grain possible. In this case, I propose strengthing the material from the outside. I am planning to fuse two materials by gluing the material together. This kind of approach, not something new, and this kind of material is called Fiber Metal Laminates (FMLs). This material uses aramid, carbon, and glass and combines them with metals in the hope of eliminating the weakness of both materials by completing each other. So I propose to use Carbon Fiber Reinforced Polymer (CFRPs) and High Entropy Alloys (HEAs) by directly bonding them using adhesive. I am not strange with this kind of approach because I have experience with Fiber Metal Laminates (FMLs). Fiber Metal Laminates (FMLs) is my topic in my undergraduate research, but I am using aluminum as the metal. By combining these two materials, I hope to get new material for the future to sustain our needs in many sectors.
I already fix it, and feedback will be appreciated.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,700 3784
Just learning is not a valid study goal. What is the goal and professional application of your research? What other fields might benefit from it? Why? Your goal needs to have a specific professional benefit. How will the knowledge apply to your workplace? How does it specifically apply interms of improving the field in your country or workplace? Don't introduce the professors and research. That doesn't indicate study and professional goals. This essay is not an improvement over the first. It did not make it worse wither. The problems inthis version remain the same.
There is still no definite goal of study based on professional considerations. It appears to me that you lack sufficient work experience upon which the goal of study is based. That is because you failed to mention such in either essay version. If I am correct and you lack workplace experience and applicability, then your application will be weak, unmemorable, and, unadmirable.
As a fellowship applicant, you need to have better reasons than these. Go deeper. Think of the big picture. How does your goal of study help the professors research and others in the related fields? This makes you sound like an undergraduate applicant, which you are not.
hi @Holt thank you for the feedback , i will fix it