Please tell me what I should improve in my essay.
The Global UGRAD Program is for young leaders committed to serving their home communities.
Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?
As human beings, we cannot predict the future, but we have the ability to create it. I have always believed that my country can have better social conditions, so with my commitment to my community I take the necessary steps to create a better future. In this essay, I will briefly describe my commitment to my community in situations in which I have consolidated skills that make me a good candidate for the Global UGRAD program.
One of my main characteristics as a leader is my interest in teaching others what I know, I am a very outgoing person and I have experience and skills in communication. In my community, many people do not have the economic possibility to take language classes, for that reason together with my sister I offered free basic English classes to my family, friends and neighbors. By offering these classes, I found that the participants increased skills such as public speaking and self-confidence. In addition, in the summer of 2019 I offered free self-makeup classes with all the products included, for young people in my community who were interested in learning to make up.
What I like most about teaching is that I can be an inspiration for others because with my knowledge I can help others to have new opportunities for personal and professional development. With my teaching skills, I consider that it would be very beneficial for the Global UGRAD program to have me as one of its participants, because I can easily teach others about customs, traditions and activities typical of my country, making the cultural exchange more enriching, therefore it would be a beneficial experience for me and for the other participants.
My interest in the welfare of society in general is very broad; I like to debate and explain to others on social issues. I am currently the general coordinator of a student forum where through social networks every week we develop a topic of social interest. Being part of this forum has allowed me to develop a more open mind with a greater willingness to listen and understand people with ideas different from mine, qualities that are essential for someone who wants to take on the challenge of diversity that an international exchange entails.
Additionally, I am a person committed to caring for the environment and I believe that the future of humanity will depend on how friendly we are with the planet. I have performed community services in favor of the planet, such as reforesting, cleaning parks and collecting garbage. Together with a group of friends from the university, I carried out an awareness day about the importance of putting garbage in the right place since in my community many people deposited garbage on the streets, causing incredible damage to the earth. With my help team we clean the entire contaminated area and since then the place has been kept completely clean. It would be a pleasure for me to be part of the community services in favor of the planet at UGRAD.
I am sure that my participation in Global UGRAD will be a wonderful opportunity since my leadership characteristics and my interest in the well-being of the communities are very high. Furthermore, studying in the United States is an opportunity to experience a more complete education system that will undoubtedly expand my academic and professional skills. My desire to obtain new knowledge and share it with others and my passion to learn about new cultures, will help me to achieve with satisfaction all my objectives proposed in this program.
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The problem with your presentation is that you are representing yourself as a community leader, without having any access to other organizations, memberships, or coordinated activities that would show you have an actual network of community and civic minded organizations backing your moves. It will be beneficial to your application if you can mention the names of the groups that you participate in, or that help you through coordinated efforts. Showing how your mission and vision gels with these other organizations for the benefit of your community.
The presentation is too vague in discussion. It informs the reviewer, but withholds information that could help him validate your response. Yes, there is a high possibility that your participation in these activities will need to be double checked by the reviewer, just to be sure that you are not just making up the information. Afterall, the Global UGrad program is one of the best in the world, so they will only accept the best and the brightest. To be sure of that, they will look into the information that applicants submit. So if you are not on the level, they will find out and disqualify your application.