Essay on 'why should we consider you?' for a scholarship

The prompt is 'why should we consider you?' and the organization is focused on helping indigent students. Please help me make this essay better

In 2021, while volunteering for an outreach, I met a boy who had lost his sight due to a Neglected Tropical Disease (NTDs) called trachoma. This disease is treatable, but the cost of the medication was beyond the reach of his parents. That event encouraged me to carry out my undergraduate project in drug discovery as I realized that this is the reality of many other children. My goal is to become a Medicinal Chemist and work to develop affordable alternatives for the treatment of NTDs in order to ensure that no one suffers that same fate. To achieve this, I need to gain the best possible training I can and experience the best techniques for drug design and development. Being the child of a trader, I lack the means to pay for the required exams and application fees, this scholarship represents an opportunity for me to achieve my goals.

The response is a bit murky. The reviewer will not understand how you came to be exposed to this person with NTD. How old were you at the time? Why did it leave a mark on you? I also think that you have your response in reverse. You should open with a reference to your personal financial status first, since you are the focus of the paper, not the child you came across. By focusing on your financial reasons for the scholarship first, then explaining where your medical interest comes from and where you hope it will lead you, your appeal for the scholarship might become more compelling for the reviewer. Right now, the focus on yourself is last, which is not the correct approach to responding to this prompt.