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Culture Consume. KGSP Graduate Program - essential jigsaw for my career. Self-Introduction Letter

Mar 7, 2017   #1

I plan to apply for Master degree of Sociology in Kookmin University. This is my first time writing Self-Introduction to apply, please help check and advice if there is any change I should make.

I did not blow up on the project that I mentioned below because I will attached the abstract along with the CV, is it fine to use this version?

Thank you very much

barriers and challenges on my path

Some people choose their path from their own personal preference, but I choose my path from barrier and challenge. I was born in a small village in the Southern part of Thailand. When I was in Kindergarten school, I was first in class all the time until primary school, at that time many families send their children to study in big town, I was one of them, I asked my mother to send me when I was in Grade 6. At the time I wanted to meet new society and experience the big town, where I get chances to visit and I like it. My mother gave me a condition, which is to study in boarding school of the province only. The admission was considered very hard as the competition is fierce within the Southern part, and finally I got admitted. First term in school, I achieved 3.5 (out of 4.0), it was the first time I feel disappointed with myself and feel bad to my family. I learned that there are many people who studied better than me when I have to study within a bigger community. From that time onward, I understand what competition is. It is not a competition that causes pressure to compete with others, but it is a challenge against myself in order to develop myself constantly. I was not only developing my educational skill, but learn to live my life since 13 years old. I have to adapt being a discipline person especially in education because no one will control me to read books like when I was home. I have to manage my expense as my mother give me a monthly living cost. With the stated life experiences in life, it makes me own the trait of being a perfectionist and being a fighter.

Next milestone of challenge starts again when I have to choose the faculty in university. At that time, I have 2 choices, between Economics and Sociology. Since I am quite aware of Economics while having almost null knowledge in Sociology, and on top it is less known in Thailand, I started to find more details and this area really fascinate me. Sociology is a new science that I never touch before, it open my view for social and culture through research studies. Once again the challenge comes together with my desire to explore and finally I chose to study Sociology. My major that I decided to choose was Research. It is now my expertise area, the area that gives me the urge to study and explore new things all the time through new findings and people with different cultures and values. With the research studies that I need to conduct, one of them was to explore the village in strategic Industrial area, when there was flood in Thailand, year 2012, the worst incidence that happened in Thailand. The topic I explored was "The Vulnerability To Disaster", it is a case study that I give to the villagers who are the sufferers of this incidence. After leveling up with projects by projects, I continue to study various social contexts, and one of them was Cultural Difference in Vietnam. I get to observe and exchange cultural experience and learning from local people, on top of that I get to understand Cultural Difference is one of the key highlight that I love and passionate about, not only the story that I hear, but also the culture that is being taught through generations.

With high enthusiasm and energy after graduated, I started working in Research field. And I came to know that most of the company are Marketing Research Company and are for business purpose only, but Sociology is not use in terms of business purpose. At the point, I was not disappointed for what I studied, but start adapting along with context that I have studied I started by being a Fieldwork Supervisor. Main job is to recruit target and to find their inner with the information we need to dig out from them. At that time I learnt to interview from mass target to high-tier target. With my background of sociology that groomed me to understand the value behind what people speaks and react, together with my character being an extrovert and friendly person, I was put in charge of being a moderator to handle various projects. This is where my dream comes true - meeting people, understand their values and analyze them to give the best implication that is an actionable result. I feel lucky, my passion takes me to the right place.

But duty calls, as my family need me to fill in a part of my family business in order to setup new business model about product import and export, which I aimed to learn at my fastest pace and I start working on it right away. Then, I applied in Logistic Company with zero knowledge to study full process of logistics. At the same time, I did not leave out my Research career, but move to be a Research Freelancer. It has been 3 years and I finally implemented new business model and completed setup process for my family's business in my hometown. Now it is the best time for me to come back and pursue my career. Most important purpose in studying is to broaden and deepen marketing tools to be a major part of Social Change for better direction under the context of Social Marketing. Interesting key concern point and Social Phenomena are based on the context of Culture Consumer, the joint-phenomena that impact on the living of Modern Society, where the leading field of studying is South Korea because of its well-known, capable of penetrating in Cultural Consumer, either through literature, music, dramas and different entertainment areas, all are considered a success and widely spread around the world. With KGSP Scholarship, it is an essential jigsaw that will not only help fill up my career, but also the most important component which will bring new tools to help develop quality living with high impact among the society.

JoyK 3  
Mar 7, 2017   #2
Your essay has a lot of grammatical errors, particularly tenses. Places where you were supposed to use PAST tenses you have used present tense.
I think your essay will sound better with right tenses. Good luck.
okorobiadimma14 50  
Mar 7, 2017   #3
Niranya, the first sentence in your essay is strong enough to capture the attention of the reviewer, however, the rest of the sentences, I am sorry, do not buttress your opening statement..Rather than going way back to your kindergarten age, why don't you cite your high school experience. Develop specific points about the fierce competition in gaining admission into the boarding school you made reference to in the 1st paragraph and then tell the reviewer what made you outstanding during this period. You may bring in the 3.5 grade point achievement but throw more light on how you got there. In your second paragraph, be specific about what informed your choice of Sociology as against Economics which you were more conversant with. Develop your points towards that line.

Create a paragraph (probably paragraph three) that will elaborate these points:
With the research studies that I need to conduct, [....], and one of them was Cultural Difference in Vietnam. These could serve as good experience if you can be specific on your roles and achievements as regards the 2012 flood in Thailand. Connect the experience to your motivation to explore cultural differences in Vietnam and integrate the whole points to the need to advance your career in Sociology at KGSP. Tell the reviewer what you are bringing to the table if you are offered an opportunity into the program. Your 4th paragraph should address your future career plans and how Sociology qualification would help you to achieve this plans. After that, you can create a compelling concluding paragraph.If you follow these guides, I believe that you will create a better essay than what you have now and then we can continue from there.
Holt [Contributor] 1503  
Mar 8, 2017   #4
Niranya, I can tell that you have tried to present information that you feel is necessary for the self introduction. However, you did not manage to stick to all the points for consideration. So this ended up becoming a personal statement, rather than a KGSP introductory essay. Focus on delivering the following:

1. Your course of life - this does not relate to your educational struggles and agreements with your family. This focuses on the kind of family you come from and how your family has helped to shape the person you are today. This is about how you view your future in relation to the method that you were brought up. How did the influence of your family create the person you are today? Would you say you are a better person because of their guidance?

2. Limit your discussion of your academic background to the most recent school type you attended. Being a masters degree student, the focus will now be on how your college degree helped to shape your professional ideology. Mention your university when you explain how the subjects you studied and the professors who taught you created a professional plan that you saw to reality. It is not necessary to indicate your college thesis in this portion because you will have the opportunity to connect that to your goal of study if it is a related or continued research that you plan on performing for your masters degree.

3. When you present your professional experience, it is imperative that you mention the company and the full scale of your employment there. Now, you have to clarify if helping your family meant having to change your career projection for your future. This is the part of the essay when you should clearly state your motivation for your higher study. Unfortunately, you were unable to do that. So a revision of this paragraph is in order.

4. Kindly provide information regarding your motivation to study in Korea as a separate and better developed paragraph. At the moment, you reason for study in Korea and motivation are mixed into a single paragraph. The KGSP requires these statements to be declared separately in order to show that you fully understand the demands and requirements that the study program will be expecting you to deliver.

You need to revise the whole essay in an effort to better respond to the requirements of the letter. If you organize your ideas in a coherent manner, using my provided outline, the essay should begin to take on a more proper shape.
OP missgiggle  
Mar 8, 2017   #5
Thank you all for your advice with good ideas and recommendation, I will list the point and organize my ideas to improve my essay.

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