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My Dad - family member that has been influential in your life



seancron 2 / 2  
Feb 22, 2011   #1
Dad
The driving reason behind my high school success is my father. As I am entering into adulthood, I have come to appreciate just how hard my dad has worked for my family. He works every day for 12 hours including weekends my whole life. For the first half of my life he worked the same schedule while spending 3 hours travelling to and from work. The most remarkable trait in my dad is that he has never once complained about working. He gets up at two in the morning and heads in to work without a word of protest. Although he works his butt off, he comes home every day in a great mood and tries his best to make it out to all of my athletic and academic events. I could never thank him enough in words, so I thank him in my school work. I study hard so that I can have a different life than my dad, so that I can spend more time with my family than he ever could. I do it all for him.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Mar 3, 2011   #2
Verb tense problem here:
He works every day for 12 twelve hours, including weekends, and it has been this way throughout my whole life.

Although he works his butt off, he comes home every day in a great mood and tries his best to make it out to all of my athletic and academic events. This is redundant. You already made the point. Use this space to mention something about how his influence helped you determine your current goal. Having current goals is impressive. What are they?

I could never thank him enough in words, so I thank him in my school work. ---excellent!!

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